I Will Fear The Night Again

CHAPTER 21 PILOTS-

Speaking of new friends...i do not make them easily at all.

I am terrible at saying the right thing because i get all awkward and think they notice all my flaws.I mean i feel like everyone does that to me, but i think its worst around people i really want to impress or new people.

So most of the time i either look down, or i just keep messing with my nails.

I always mess with my nails because it gives me a reason to not let anyone look at my face.I hate my face.I hate the way it's shaped.I hate my forehead.I hate my nose.I hate how my cheeks turn red and show all my emotions.

And worst of all,i hate my deep,raspy, male voice.Its so ugly.

 And i can't stand the way that...well someone special, looks at me.

They move my hair out of my face,then my face starts to get super red,but they still look straight into my eyes and tell me i'm cute.

It makes me crazy knowing that someone has control over my feelings like that,and they could break them just if they felt like it.

I mean i'm not saying someone would do that,but it's happened to lots of people,where they love someone and the other person doesn't understand the consequences of tearing that someone down.

It's sad knowing all these people have broken hearts.

I don't like to believe that humans have the audacity to want to hurt other people's love and give them trust issues.

But i have to admit that i can happen to anyone that's why you have to TRUST in people that you love.And let them in because if you don't try your best with the special ones,then you will never know if you could have saved them or made them a part of your life.

I know a lot of this doesn't make any sense and most of it is me ranting,but i'm actually really proud that i'm at least trying to fix myself.

I want to get better.

I want the people around me to be happier knowing that i'm okay.Or that i'm trying.Because i am trying to be normal.Or to be myself again.

(i need more frens...go follow me on insta if you want.You can even dm if u need anything,i'm good at listening so here, katey.alyson)XOXO-katey:)))