I Will Fear The Night Again

Chapter 25(today)-

Today i felt amazing,i felt emotions finally,and feeling i haven't felt in over a week.But as i sit here in silence,i'm realizing, their fading away.

Just like that.

From a good day,to nothingness.All over again.I hate this.I can't take it anymore.I thought my heart could have felt emotion for at least 24 hours before numbed again,but no.

Luna doesn't want me to be happy.I hate not knowing if i could fade away at any moment.Like right now.I might just leave.

This is a painful,and slow death.Numbness.Maybe i was born to not live or to be nothing.Because this is not living.I prayed tonight.Just like the good old days.But that didn't help,i still feel nothing,not even a connection with god or my true self.And i would block Luna out right now,but she's right and there's nothing to keep me here anyways.I would go to someone,but my sisters have their own problems.

My friends are out having fun, and i would have gone with them but last time i had a major panic attack and didn't enjoy myself at all.So might as well not trigger that again...and i can't even talk to the people who would help me right now but i don't have my phone to contact them, or even my computer to listen to music and shut Luna up finally.

The other day Luna got to me so bad that i got physically nauseous and starting gagging every time someone talked.And the best part is,no one notices me or that i'm not okay.

Metaphorically,i feel like a tiny ant in a whole world of big,scary people.And i'm just sitting here,staring at my walls,crying.No one cares,but i guess it's better that way.I mean i want this to all end and for me to be happy,but i feel like now isn't the right time for me.Like no one can fix this.I guess i'm already gone.I feel so dead on the inside,kinda like nothing.Worthless,Numb,Gone.

(Well here's some depressing stuff for y'all,keep reading losers ans stay bootieful.)XOXO-Katey