Of Pain | COMPLETED

Chapter 18

I wanna hold your hand so tight I'm gonna break my wrist,

and when the vultures sing tonight I'm gonna join right in.

            -Pierce the Veil, Bulletproof Love

I kept humming the song that I loved so much under my breath as I went through the day. I was singing of love but I was even barely hanging on which was partially ironic in my part. I let out a bitter laugh and a heavy sigh as another song came to my mind, letting me reminisce what bits of my formerly good life that I had left.

It’s not that I don’t have good memories to think about. I have them stored in my brain but the bad outweighs the good so I can’t help it but feel pain whenever someone mentions about spending the weekend with their dads or talking about their girl or boyfriends. It’s just painful for me to hear it.

Too painful for me sometime, it’s telling me how messed up my life was.

I don’t need reminders. I really don’t need reminders. I can see it every day; whenever I wake up screaming from my nightmares, everytime I had to take my pills to calm myself down and the every few weeks I had to visit the psychiatrist. I didn’t need the reminders at all. I know how messed up my life is. I know how broken I was inside.

I just can’t take this. I let out a sigh as I made my way back towards my locker, glad that school has already ended for the day because I didn’t know how much I can take it any longer. Crowds of students pass by quickly, rushing out of the school since it was Friday night.

I watched them leave, chatting and laughing jovially with their friends. I knew half of them had plans; going to parties or just hanging out with their families over the weekend. I sighed as I see their happiness rolling off them in waves, wishing that I can just be carefree for once. Why can’t I be happy for once? It’s like the sun has been snuffed out in my mind, I feel like life is so bleak to me right now.

I opened my locker and was about to grab my bag to stuff it with books when I saw the folder that was folded above it. Curious, I picked it up and frowned at the piece of crumpled paper. This feels like deja vu somehow.

 

Hi Angel,

Sorry about that. I guess I’m still the same insensitive jerk I used to be. I’m sorry about the things that I had done, I would’ve told you sooner or later but you didn’t deserve to know about my past that I hated like that. I didn’t picture it like that. Anyway, I’ll be around.

 

I love you.

 

P.S I got your locker’s combination freshmen year so I guess it’s better if you know mine. Its 450615

 

I stared unseeingly at the piece of paper that I was holding on. It looked like the letter had been drafted out on a piece of lined paper, hastily torn since I could see the ragged edges around it. I knew who it was from. Of course I knew who else calls me Angel but him? I felt my heart soar.

He’d written and apologised.

I stared at the letter like as if it’s going to disappear soon after I blink once and I will just regret dreaming of it. My hands started to shake involuntarily and I took a very shaky breath, trying to calm my racing heart. I didn’t expect him to write to me at all. I didn’t expect him to acknowledge me either.