Of Pain | COMPLETED

Chapter 32

I woke up hearing my own screams again and I pushed myself upright, forcing my eyes open as I grasped blindly at air. Feeling my heart racing and thumping so loudly, I let out a groan as the nightmares haunted my mind again and pressed a hand above my eyes to will myself to stop shaking with fear.

Breathing heavily like as if I ran a mile, I rest my elbows on my lap as I stared blindly at the floor in between my bare feet. Go away, go away. Leave me alone.

‘You had that nightmare again.’

I didn’t need to look up to know that Seth was hovering by the doorframe and most probably looking down at me with a concerned look on his face. ‘It’s getting worse,’ I told him softly as I ran a hand through my hair and got to my feet. I didn’t dare meet Seth’s gaze so I stared blindly on the floor.

I need to get myself back in control. Every time I suffered through a nightmare, I find myself still half-living in the past and it’s hard for me to pull myself away from there. I can still feel the fear that pulsated throughout my whole body and I couldn’t shake that paranoia away.

I still can’t.

‘I’m worried about you Ally. You’re not getting enough sleep and even if you do, you get nightmares. I feel at lost on what to do to help you recover,’ he told me. ‘Henry tells me to let you be but I can’t be a patient man all the time.’

I let out a sigh. ‘I’m sorry I made you worry Seth,’ I said to him quietly and raised my head to meet his gaze head-on. ‘But I can’t promise you that I’ll be better. I’ve been the walking wounded for years now; it’s something I have to live with.’

‘Just know that you’re not alone, you’re basically my younger sister now even though we’re not related by blood,’ he said gravely. ‘If you think the whole world is against you, I’d be there for you. One phone call or a shout and I’ll be there giving you a hug. I don’t care if it’s three am or whatever, I’ll drop everything and come running.’

I looked at him levelly and felt a smile spreading across my lips at his words. ‘I love you too big brother,’ I told him and had to turn away swiftly because I felt my heart squeeze at his tenderness. I could feel my whole chest constrict and my eyes were threatening to spill over with tears.

‘I’ll meet you downstairs.’

After he left, I took several deep breaths to calm myself down and made my way towards my decent-sized closet to dig out clothes to wear for today. I grabbed a black blouse at random with a pair of grey tight ripped jeans before padding my way slowly towards the bathroom across the hall.

I stayed under the warm shower for a long time, contemplating on Seth’s words.

About twenty minutes later, I was standing in front of the full-length mirror and looking at my attire for the day. I had rolled the sleeves up of the black blouse to the elbows so that it showed off my long strong arms. Taking my Mum’s necklace, I slid in on and wore a sleeveless denim jacket to complete the whole look.

Grabbing my bag from the floor, I took a final look of myself and deemed myself presentable despite looking so haggard. My eyes had dark circles underneath and my pupils were dull with sadness, grief and so many other similar emotions that I couldn’t bear to see myself like that.

I just can’t look at myself.

...

‘What are you doing?’

I made an irritated sound at the back of my throat and started waving the person away that was leaning down towards me as I was already bent forwards on the kitchen table with my books scattered around me. ‘What do you think I’m doing Mitchie? Writing a goddamn play?’ I asked him sarcastically.