I Almost Died For You

Chapter 9

You were sitting in a plain white room, with a medium sized brown desk in the right corner with a pretty nice looking computer. There was a big window in the room with a nice view of a parking lot... There was one of those examinations bed things that all the doctors offices have. Like, when you go to the regular doctor and you have to sit on those disgust beds that are covered in that thin paper bed sheet. Yeah, that's what's in this room. There was a knock on the door and the doctor came in. He walked over towards me and said, "Hi, Delilah, I am Dr. Ross. I am here to kind of evaluate what you have to do in order to live, what we can do to help you, and so on." You just nodded you head and he sat down at the desk. He pointed to a chair and you went to sit down. Dr. Ross did the regular check up. Checking the ears, throat, lungs, etc. I just followed his instructions not saying a single word.

Dr. Ross: "So, tell me how this eating disorder had affected your life."

You just sat there not saying a word.

Dr. Ross: "Delilah, I am trying to help you here. You could have a wonderful life, and become healthy again. Please let me help you... I just want to get you better. Your boyfriend in there seems to love you and he would probably be devastated if you died."

You sat there shocked and replied, "Well, he isn't my boyfriend."

Dr. Ross: "Well he is for sure a great friend and he obviously loves you and cares for you. He doesn't want anything to happen to you. Please let me help."

You thought about Ashton and didn't want to make him sad. You didn't want to hurt him. If he wasn't in your life, you would for sure just die but he's your only friend. He's the one that's always there for you. You have to stay for at least a little bit. You reply with, "O-okay..."

Dr. Ross: "Great... let's start over, okay?"

You: "Okay..."

Dr. Ross: "Delilah, How have you been lately?"

You: "I'm o-okay."

Dr. Ross: "Do you have any trouble walking, breathing, speaking, and so on?"

You: "Sometimes I have trouble walking and breathing. But speaking is perfectly fine, I just don't like to talk a lot."

Dr. Ross: "Can you try and explain how you have trouble walking?"

You: "Well... I get a lot of joint pain and my legs start to ache if I stand on them too long. I black out sometimes and I get dizzy. I have only passed out a couple times."

Dr. Ross: "I see... I see... Now, can you try and explain how you have trouble breathing?"

You: "Ummm... Well, I feel like pretty much my ribs are closing gin on my lungs and are jabbing them. The pain is kind of like when a knife stabs you."

Dr. Ross: "Okay... tell me... Why did you start starving?"

You: "It was for a guy... he never ended up liking me though and he never will. So, yeah..."

Dr. Ross: "Tell me about this guy..."

You: "He was my bully for about 3 years, he is just perfect. He's the definition of perfect. I just fall more and more in love with him."

Dr. Ross: "Okay... I see... I am no love expert but that guy doesn't deserve you. You are a beautiful young lady, and I think that guy is an asshole, excuse my language, but I know how you feel, I was in a similar position as you in 8th grade, I loved this girl that never spoke to me and was the most popular girl and she rejected me in a rude way when I asked her to a dance but I only fell more in love with her... but you will eventually get over it, or you will just find someone new and they will be way better than this guy."

You: "Yeah..."

Dr. Ross: "So... stand up please."

You: "Why?"

Dr. Ross: "Don't worry... I am just examining you."

You stand up slowly and follow him to the center of the room.

Dr. Ross: "I need you to take off your gown, you do have undergarments on, right?"

You nod your head and take off the gown. When you took off your gown you looked at him and in his eyes you could see that he felt bad for you. You looked down at yourself and the sight broke you. You never could see how skinny you were till right now. You let out a little sob. You couldn't believe how messed up you were. You just stand there and let him do whatever. You just feel really numb right now. You want to curl up in bed and sleep. You were exhausted. Even though you didn't do anything today, you still feel really tired. After about 30 minutes, the doctor is done and he looks at you and smiles while handing you your gown. You grab it and put it back on and give him a small smile with a nod to tell him thank you. He goes back to his desk and the nurse comes in with a wheelchair. You sit in the wheelchair and before you leave Dr. Ross says, "I'll see you soon Delilah probably in about 2 days." You nod your head and wave goodbye.

You came back to the room and discovered that Ashton wasn't there. You already missed him. I know that sounds pathetic. But come on he was here and it was nice. I actually felt some kind of love. I know that he means well, but everything that he did in the past, still hurts. I know that it's really pathetic to be saying those types of things and everything. I know that I should forgive him already. But, I just can't. He is a great and you love him, as a friend of course. I mean you couldn't love Ashton more than you love Luke. I think I love Luke more than I love my own parents. Luke is really fucking rude, and he's a huge asshole but you still love him. Deep down you know that he is a good person. You just have to get that out of him. But, there is no point to even become friends with him or talk to him or anything like that because he literally hates you. You know that he hates you. He can't even look at you for more than a minute! He hates you and you love him. How pathetic is that? You go and sit down on the bed. Staring off into space and getting lost in your thoughts.

You don't know how much time passed but when you stopped thinking it was dark out. You look around the room and it's not interesting at all. You want to be out of this hospital. You want to be able to cover up and actually be comfortable. You finally lay down and that's when the whole day hit you like a truck. You were really tired. You got as comfortable as you could in the hospital bed and tried to sleep. After, about an hour you finally fell asleep...