I Almost Died For You

Chapter 18

You opened it up and saw that it was just the schedule of visits. It said:

Monday = Ashton

Tuesday = Michael

Wednesday = Luke

Thursday = Calum

Friday = Luke and Ashton

Saturday and Sunday = Everyone

You smiled at the little schedule. You didn't think that every single day someone would come. It made you happy that they actually cared, or at least that's what you think. The nurse came back in and said, "Ms. Barnfield, I brought you an extra blanket for you tonight. Please try and get some sleep." With that she closed the door and walked away. You stared at the door and then decided that it probably was time to get some sleep. Your body ached and you thought that if you slept it would get your mind off of wanting to throw up.

You woke up at 12PM, you were happy that you actually slept semi-decently. You look around the room and take it in, just like you do everyday. You look around the room and then realize you were alone, you got up and used the bathroom. You came back out and sat on the bed. Sydney came in and said, "Oh good, you are up. I am here with your medications and some food. How did you sleep?"

You: "I slept okay..."

She walked over to you and handed you, your medications. You didn't even hesitate you knew that at this point you had to get better. You couldn't let anyone down. You had to stay for Calum, Luke, Ashton, and Michael. They were your friends now and you had to be there for them.

Sydney: "That's good. How are your legs? Is your body still aching?"

You: "My legs seem better than yesterday. My body still hurts a little but not a lot."

Sydney: "That's good. I will be back in a minute with some food."

You examined her as she walked out. You notice that today she was wearing tennis shoes, and just a normal pair of dark purple scrubs. She came back in like 3 minutes, and you just stared at the tray as she came closer and closer. She placed the tray on your lap and smiled. She opened it up and set the lid on the table near your bed. She looked directly in your eyes and said, "I'll be back to check on you in 30 minutes. Please eat as much as you can." You watched her walk out of the room and softly close the door. You slowly move your eyes down to the try in front of you. On the tray there was a bowl of chicken noodle soup, crackers, and a bowl of fruit. You decide to start with the soup, just so that you don't have to eat it cold.

It was now 1:35PM, and you just got finished eating. You hated how long it took you to eat but you were proud of yourself for eating. Sydney came back and took away your tray and handed you a glass of ice, cold water. You take a couple sips and then place it on the table. Before she leaves you let out a silent, "Thank you..." She looks back and smiles before she closes the door.

You sat there staring blank at the wall, all alone again. You didn't like being alone. You didn't want to be here. You wanted to be at home. You didn't care about your health anymore, you just wanted out. Being here, being alone, in this room that you hated. You just wanted to get out. You stared at the door, waiting. You didn't know what you were waiting for but you just stared waiting.

You couldn't stop staring at the door. You felt like something was coming. You knew it was gong to be something bad. You didn't know what was coming, but you knew it was really bad. You had a feeling in your stomach. You didn't know if it was bad news for you, Ashton, Luke, Calum, or Michael. But you could sense it. Your thoughts started racing.

You have been thinking and staring at the door for about an hour 2:45PM. You heard a soft knock on the door and Sydney came in. She looked at you and smiled. You watched her move to the machines that surrounded your bed. She came up to you and said, "Ms. Barnfield, here is some medications that you have to take. They are a little different from the ones that you take in the morning and night. These ones will add more nutrients to your body and everything." You took the medications, not even asking what they were. You just took whatever they gave you; you honestly just wanted to get out of the hospital. But, in order to get out of the hospital you have to be healthy.

You were left alone again. That's when your thoughts started to run again. You really wanted to cut; you were under so much stress. You didn't know what else to do. But you knew that you couldn't cut here. You had to wait till you were home. You looked at your arms and saw the many, many scars that covered your arms. You knew that your arms and thighs were the worst part about you because your scars cover them. You hid them because you didn't want to be teased. You already knew that you were hideous, you didn't need people telling you that. You really wanted to slice your skin open. You wanted to see the blood drip down your wrist and onto the floor. You couldn't stop thinking about slicing your skin up. You just wanted a release from this world. All this stress, and anxiety were killing you. You couldn't wait till you were out of this damn hospital.