The Shady Adventures of Fabian

Chapter 2

 "What do you mean I'm under arrest?" Fabian sputtered as he tried to turn his head away from the pike.

"There's a bounty out for your arrest, Patrice, and I fully intend to collect it," the guard said.

"Patrice? Who the hell is Patrice?" Fabian asked.

"You are, you rogue," the guard said. "Now do me a favor and put your arms behind your back, so that I might tie them together."

"You appear to have me mistaken for somebody else, friend. I'm Fabian. Renowned adventurer and hero."

"You're not Patrice the dread king of the pirates?" the guard asked.

"Do I look like a pirate king?" Fabian said. "We're not even anywhere near an ocean, for crying out loud! Where would I park my pirate ship?"

"I swear you look just like the drawing of Patrice in the wanted poster," the guard said as he held forth a piece of parchment.

"That sketch is a stick figure with two small black dots for eyes and a scribble to represent the hair. Who drew that wanted poster, a four-year old?"

"Yes, well, come to think of it, it isn't a very good drawing, is it?" the guard said. "I don't suppose it looks much like you either. Your hair is blond and your eyes are clearly green, whereas the person in the drawing has black hair and black eyes. Sorry about that, chap. Welcome to Lannisburg!"

"I hope that's not how you greet every stranger who arrives in your town," Fabian said as he stood up and dusted himself off. "If you would be so kind as to point me towards a reasonably priced inn, I might consider not speaking to your supervisor. And if that inn should happen to be in close proximity to a reasonably priced tavern, and if that tavern might also offer up wenches to be rented for a few hours, I might not stick you with the bill for my brand new cloak, which you tore just now when you pushed me to the ground."

"You'll most definitely want to be visiting Maude's Inn then," the guard said. "They've got the best prices in town. And it's not just an inn, it's also a tavern and a brothel as well. It's also a gambling house in the evenings."

"Gambling house, you say?" Fabian said as he stroked his chin. "Very well, I shall seek out this Maude's Inn."

"It's right down the street if you make a left after you pass through the gate. You really can't miss it. Tell them Gordon the Guard sent you."

"I'll be sure to do that," Fabian said as he made his way past the guard and turned to the left.

It was hot as the mid-afternoon sun beat down overhead.  The street didn't seem to be very busy at this time of day. There were a few modest shops that seemed to sell mostly junk, while an old woman was browsing through a pile of wilted vegetables at a nearby merchant's cart. Fabian did take note of a couple of fancy looking houses down a side street. They looked like good candidates to attempt a break-in later on after it got dark.

"Alms for the poor?" a blind beggar asked as he held out a tin cup.

"Don't mind if I do," Fabian said as he reached in the cup and took a couple copper shillings, which he immediately shoved in his pocket.

Maude's Inn turned out to be a bright gaudy pink two story building at the end of the street. He walked through the front door into a common area with several long tables set up on one side of the room. These were occupied by a couple solitary drunks who had obviously been spending most of the day drinking ale. The other side of the room featured a few round tables that were currently empty. They looked like good card tables to Fabian. He assumed it was still a little early in the day for the gambling to start.

A large wooden desk occupied most of the far side of the room. A fat old woman in a corset sat behind it. Her gray hair was done up in an elaborate beehive do. She wore insane amounts of eye shadow and smoked liberally from some sort of long thin pipe. "Can I help you, fella?" she called out to Fabian.

"Yes, ma'am," Fabian said as he walked over to the desk. "I would be interested in procuring your most reasonably priced room. And by reasonably priced, I mean cheapest. I intend to blow most of my money on drinking and wenching and gambling."

"We have a small room with one bed that goes for ten silver shillings a night. That includes one free ale and a continental breakfast."

"Uh, anything more reasonable?" Fabian asked.

"I could let you use the broom closet for five shillings a night," the woman said.

"I'll give you two shillings for it."

"For two shillings you can sleep out in the stable."

Fabian considered this for a moment. He'd slept in plenty of stables in his day, but he always seemed to end up covered in flea bites and stinking of horse manure for several days. He supposed if he did well at the gambling tables, he could afford some slightly more luxurious accommodations. "I'll take the broom closet. I'll give you four shillings for it. You can keep the continental breakfast, but I'm cashing in on the free ale."

"Very well, mister. You have a deal. I'll just need a few signatures from you as well as an upfront payment."

Fabian signed the paperwork and counted out three shillings, as well as one worthless piece of tin he had altered to look like a silver shilling. "Now I understand this inn also offers brothel services?"

"We currently have one lady of the evening working for us."

"Good Lord, it's not you, is it?" Fabian said with a look of horror on his face. "I mean I've been on the road for a while, but I'm not that desperate."

"No, it's not me, you bloody idiot," the woman said. "I'm Maude. Owner and proprietress of this establishment. Our girl's name is Kyndi. She comes in around dusk when the gambling gets going."

"Oh, well that's a relief," Fabian said. "I'll have to give her a good looking over when she arrives. If she's not a complete musk ox, I'll probably be engaging her services as well."

"She costs five shillings per hour," Maude said.

"I won't be needing her for more than fifteen minutes," Fabian said. "Can you show me to my room now? No offense, but this place kind of sucks right now. I think I'll take a nap until the action starts."