The Shady Adventures of Fabian

Chapter 7

Fabian had forgotten he had been on the second floor and so the drop to the street below was a bit steeper than he had anticipated. He heard a snapping sound he hoped wasn't one of his ribs and he winced in pain as he pulled himself back to his feet.

"Oh my," said an old woman who happened to be walking by as she leaned in for a closer look.

Realizing he was stark naked, Fabian covered his junk with both hands and took off running down the street. He spotted another fancy-looking house a little ways down that was completely dark. He didn't want to waste time ascertaining if anyone was home, so he threw a rock through the nearest window and made his way inside.

He found himself in what appeared to be a guest bedroom. Nonetheless, there was a closet with a few tattered old clothes hanging in it, which he quickly threw on. He'd been smart enough to leave his "winnings" from the card game back in his room at the inn, but it was a shame to have lost that fine elven cloak. Oh well, easy come easy go, he figured.

In the meantime, the house he had blindly chosen to break into seemed like there might be some potential in investigating.   It smelled kind of musty and old and a bit like mothballs, but it was large and had probably been pretty grand in its glory days based on the faded ornate wall decor.  Pausing to listen at the door, he was greeted by a profound silence.  He considered the possibility that it might be abandoned, but even if it was, maybe there was some valuable loot left behind.  Or maybe nobody was home.  Or if they were home, hopefully they were sound sleepers.  

Standing on tiptoes, he crept out of the room into a long hallway with numerous doors on either side of it. He randomly picked the first door on the right and turned the knob.

The room was pitch-black, but he found a candle stuck in a holder attached to the wall. He pried it loose from the holder so he would have a mobile source of light and quickly lit it. He appeared to be in some sort of sitting room. There were numerous sofas and lounge chairs everywhere covered in frilly lace doilies. There was a desk in one corner with a drawer, but upon opening it all he found were more doilies. There didn't appear to be anything of value in the room so he turned around and walked out into the hallway.

He was startled when something cold and pointy suddenly came in contact with his throat. "What do you think you're doing in my house, thief?"

He held the candle towards the large shadowy blob that stood in front of him and illuminated a familiar mascara caked face with a tall beehive hairdo. "Maude? This is your house? You don't live at the Inn?"

"Why the hell would I want to live in that trash heap?" Maude asked. "Hey, I remember you. You're that cheapskate who rented the broom closet." She pushed the edge of the sword she was holding a little harder into Fabian's throat.

"You got me," Fabian said as he raised his hands in a show of surrender. "The truth is, I had a little too much to drink and I decided to go out for a walk. Well, I got a little lost and took a wrong turn and I thought your house was the Inn. Stupid, right? They say drinking kills off brain cells. I guess it's true."

Maude peered at him for a moment with an intense glare. "Where did you get those clothes?"

"These? I've had these old rags for years. Bought them off a street merchant in the far off city of Pellegrine for a copper shilling."

"Those look just like my dearly departed husband Marrvain's clothes, may the gods rest his soul. Did you steal my dead husband's clothes?"

"Come to think of it, I thought they had a bit of old man stench about them," Fabian said.

"You take those off immediately! Also, you are as of this moment kicked out of your room at the Inn. No refunds!"

"Really? You live in a fancy house like this and you're going to be cheap about a few lousy shillings? Fine. I just need to stop by my room and get my things."

"You're not setting foot in my Inn again. You can wait outside and I'll have Meep bring your things out to you."

He thought about the money he had stashed in the room. Meep seemed like an honest sort of fellow. He could probably be trusted to bring all the money out without keeping any for himself. "Okay. I'll agree to to that. Let's head on over there then and I'll be on my way."

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Maude asked. "I told you to get out of my husband's clothes."

"Really, lady? I'm naked under here. You're going to make me walk back out into the street without any clothes on again?"

"You can wear one of my old nightgowns," she said. "Now get changed!"

A few minutes later they were walking out the front door together. "This is utterly humiliating," Fabian said as he looked at the large woman's nightgown covered in pictures of flowers and cats that he was wearing.

No sooner had they set foot outside than he heard a familiar voice shouting. "There you are, thief! Prepare to get the beating of a lifetime before I kill you!" Balooga the Mighty came charging down the street towards them like a rabid elephant.

Fabian let out a little high-pitched whimper and turned around and ran off down the street in the opposite direction.