The Shady Adventures of Fabian

Chapter 19

"Do you know how to fight, Scrote?" Fabian asked.

"Um, not really, sir. I'm training to be a farmer."

"Well then this is a skill you need to learn," Fabian said. "Those chickens can get mighty aggressive sometimes and you need to know how to fend them off. For that reason, I will kindly allow you to do battle with this rat, which appears to be nearly the same size as us."

"Wouldn't it be wise to work together?" Brandon asked.

"How are you ever going to learn if I fight all of your battles for you?" Fabian shook his head. "No, I'll hang back near the edge of the cage and let you engage in combat. If you get killed, then and only then will I step forth and vanquish the beast in honor of your memory."

"I'm not sure I like this plan," Brandon gulped as he watched the dwarf approaching. The rat hissed and snarled as it tried to escape, but the dwarf had its tail held firmly in a pair of tongs.

"It's a brilliant plan," Fabian said. "I might also be able to escape while you keep the rat busy. I will, of course, return later with reinforcements to free you, if you're still alive."

"May I at least borrow a weapon?" Brandon asked.

"Of course not," Fabian snorted. "I'm going to need my dagger to fight off any enemy attempts to thwart my daring escape. It also might come in handy to pry a couple of those gems out of the wall. I might be able to take one with me if I aim for some of the smaller stones. They're not as valuable as the big ones, but I bet I could still turn a tidy profit off of them."

"With all due respect, sir, I'm not sure if you're focusing on the task at hand here. They're about to toss a large rabid rat in here with us. I don't know if either of us can survive."

"Well, that's a defeatist attitude if ever I heard one. Look, I just need you to keep the rat busy long enough for me to pick the lock on the cage. If you're quick, you can probably even escape with me."

"I guess I can maybe do that. I was on the wrestling team at school, although truth be told, I never won a match."

"Well, now's your moment to shine, Scrote. Get ready. They're dropping the rat in now."

The rat landed with a thud and appeared momentarily disoriented. Brandon gulped loudly as he crouched in a wrestler's stance and began to slowly approach the creature, which seemed to be more the size of a mountain lion, given his own shrunken condition. He poked at it with his toe and it let out a loud hiss.

Suddenly the rat leaped straight over Brandon's head and landed on Fabian, pinning him to the ground.

"You had one job, Scrote!" Fabian shouted as he struggled to avoid getting bit by the massive jaws that were snapping in his face. "I've got to tell you this is incredibly disappointing."

Brandon charged at the rat while yelling "Yaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!" He attempted to tackle it, but with a flick of its hind leg it sent him sprawling to the ground. He picked himself back up and looked around helplessly. Finally he decided to grab the rat's tail and pull as hard as he could.

The rat turned its head around and snarled at Brandon, but it remained perched on top of Fabian. Its weight was redistributed enough that Fabian was able to wiggle a hand free and grab his dagger. He quickly sliced the rat's throat. A powerful wave of hot, sticky blood instantly gushed onto Fabian's face. The rat began to claw wildly, shredding his already ripped cloak even further into ribbons. Fabian jammed the dagger into the rat again in the area he imagined its heart to be in. It struggled a moment longer and then it collapsed and became still.

"Help me get this thing off of me," Fabian said.

Brandon was still attempting to yank the rat's tail and hadn't noticed that the battle had already ended. "Oh, sorry, sir. I'm coming." He ran over to the rat's body and shoved it as hard as he could. It rolled over with a thunk and Fabian slowly rose to his feet.

Fabian checked himself carefully. He'd gotten scratched up a bit and his cloak was hanging together merely by a few threads, but he seemed to have avoided any kind of grievous injury. Once he was certain he was unharmed, he turned and slapped Brandon across the face. "That's what you get for neglecting your duty. Now we need to bust out of here. Are any of those stupid dwarfs nearby?"

"No, it looks like they've all gone back to work," Brandon said rubbing his jaw.

"What? They try to kill us with a rat and they don't even have the decency to stick around and watch?" Fabian asked. "Well, never mind. They probably assume that we're dead, so it should be easy to sneak on out of here."

Fabian wiped the blood from his dagger on Brandon's shirt and then set to work with it on the lock.

"Is there anything I can do to help, sir?" Brandon asked.

"You can shut the hell up, so I can concentrate," Fabian said as he twisted the dagger around in the lock. "Honestly, this would be a lot easier if I had my lockpicking kit, but I think it got left back in my hotel room that I was unjustly kicked out of. I'll have to get myself another one when I get the chance."

He continued to fiddle with the lock for several minutes before it finally opened with a clicking sound. "I still got it," Fabian said as he blew on his knuckles. Now come on let's get the hell out of here."