The Shady Adventures of Fabian

Chapter 49

When Fabian woke up he couldn't help but notice that he was tied to a long stake in the ground with thin ropes that were surprisingly strong. It was dark outside but a bright moon shone overhead. Glancing from side to side he saw that Derek and Sir Mikael were tied up in a similar fashion. All around them were hundreds of tiny little elves chanting and bowing in front of a carving in a tree that resembled a woman. There was also a large bonfire burning nearby. Several of the elves were testing it as if to make sure it were hot enough.

"You're awake," Sir Mikael said. "I thought you were supposed to be keeping watch."

"I was keeping watch. I already woke Scrote up. I sent him off to fetch some firewood and I was about to wake you up when these little bastards snuck up behind me and ambushed me. There was really no way to avoid it."

"Now you've gotten us into a bad situation. What do these guys want anyway?"

"I have no idea," Fabian said. "I don't speak wood elvish. I have no idea what they're saying. I'm pretty sure they're not looking to have us as guests for dinner though. Judging by their behavior I think they mean to sacrifice us or something."

"I can't understand them either," Derek said. "But I do believe we're in luck. Do you see that statue they appear to be worshipping? It appears to be some kind of tree goddess."

"Hmm," Fabian said. "If only we knew some sort of tree goddess who might be inclined to help us."

"Luckily for us, we do," Derek said. "I'm sure if we summon the spirit of our companion Druvidia she will talk to these creatures and clear this whole mess up."

"Aw crap," Fabian said. "Uh, yeah why don't you try summoning Druvidia."

"Druvidia?" Derek called out. There was no response. "Druvidia your friends could really use your help right about now." Still no answer.

"Would you look at that?" Fabian said. "She went and abandoned us right during our hour of greatest need. I told you that woman was up to no good."

"Perhaps if I try," Sir Mikael offered. "Druvidia! This is Sir Mikael speaking. Please come talk to these wood elves and convince them to let us go. They seem to believe in the power of trees, so I'm sure they would listen to you."

"I'm telling you, I think that chick ditched out on us. We're on our own here guys. We're going to have to figure something out. Derek, can you pray to your sheep god for help?"

"I have already told you, I do not worship the great Merve-Rah, I merely study his teachings. I am not equipped to pray to him."

"Right," Fabian said. "But you are some kind of religious dude, right? I mean that's what clerics are. You pray to some sort of deity, correct?"

"I do," Derek said.

"You've never actually told us what god you worship. Maybe now might be a good time."

"I am a devout follower of Morng, the god of yodeling and crochet."

"Yodeling?" Fabian asked as his face wrinkled up in confusion.

"And crochet," Derek said.

"So you can yodel?"

"I am a world class yodeler. I am also excellent at crocheting."

"So maybe you could do some kind of fancy yodel or something and the wood elves would get scared and run off."

"I suppose it's worth a try," Derek said. He inhaled a deep breath and began to yodel loudly. Many of the elves began covering their ears but nobody seemed to be running away in a hurry. Finally one of the elves dipped a spear into the bonfire and then walked over and ran Derek through the belly with it. He stopped yodeling abruptly as a stream of blood shot out of his mouth. Then he began to scream as his robes caught fire. He disappeared into a giant fireball and his scream intensified until it stopped entirely after a couple minutes. All of the elves let out a loud cheer.