The Shady Adventures of Fabian

Chapter 16

"I'm afraid the trail's too narrow for my cart to fit, sir," the young boy said. "If we're continuing on it's going to have to be on foot."

"What's with you and feet, kid?" Fabian asked. "You got some kind of fetish?"

"Uh, not that I'm aware of, sir," the boy said. "For that matter, what's a 'fetish'? I don't think they taught us that word in school."

"Never mind that," Fabian said as he stepped out of the cart and gingerly put some weight on his foot. It throbbed like the dickens, but he didn't think anything was actually broken. "The important thing here is we need to figure out where a cat would go in this forest."

"This is a pretty big forest, sir," the boy said. "It could take us months to find something as small as a cat in there."

"You think I'm not aware of that?" Fabian asked. "Why do you think I enlisted your help? Because I enjoy your company?"

"I'm just thinking maybe it would be helpful if we narrowed our search down a little. Maybe we should have talked to this countess first and find out where she last saw her kitty?"

"That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard," Fabian said while privately wondering why he hadn't thought of that. "Why don't you leave the thinking to me? You're here to do the grunt work, like moving large rocks around so we can see if the cat's underneath them. Besides, it's obvious she came to the section of the forest that's closest to the town. It's not like she's going to picnic on the far side of the woods. Rich people are delicate. They like the novelty of being outdoors, but they don't want to experience the actual sweat and dirt of a long hike. Not to mention the insects. The cat's going to definitely be around here somewhere."

"If you say so, sir," the boy said. "I guess I'll trust in your superior experience and judgement."

"Now that's the right attitude. Say, you got a name, kid?"

"My name is Brandon, sir, but my friends call me Bran."

"Nah, I don't like that," Fabian said. "I think I'll call you 'Scrote.' That seems much more fitting. You look like a Scrote."

"Um, okay, I guess," Brandon said. "What should I call you, sir?"

"Sir is good," Fabian said. "Oh, and Scrote?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Make sure to be on the lookout for pirates while we're in here."

"Pirates, sir?"

"Did I stutter, Scrote? Are you implying that I don't enunciate clearly when I speak?"

"No, sir," Brandon said. "It just seems odd that there would be pirates so far from the sea, sir."

"Yeah, well trust me. There are pirates in these woods. Leprechauns, too. If you see either one of them, hold them off for as long as you can while I make my escape. You got that?"

"Yes, sir. Fight off the pirates and the leprechauns while you run away."

"That's right. Now let's get looking for this cat, and I don't want to hear any lip out of you, Scrote."

They searched the forest more or less fruitlessly for a few hours.  All they encountered were several fairies and pixies and even a couple of hairy halflings engaged in a sloppy makeout session, but no sign of any cats.

"I beg your pardon, sir, but it's getting late and I need to get home. My pa will be awfully angry with me if I'm not home with the cart before sundown."

"Are you trying to tell me what to do, Scrote?" Fabian asked. "I'll decide when we're finished searching. Besides, we've easily got a few more hours of daylight. You think I can't tell what time it is? Are you trying to quit work early on me? You know what the trouble is with your generation? You're all a bunch of lazy whiners."

"I don't mean to undermine your authority, sir, it's just my pa is a hard man. I really don't want to cross him."

"Look, Scrote, I'll deal with your dad. I'll rough him up a little if need be. In the meantime this furball is worth a lot of money to me and we're going to keep looking. Here kitty kitty. Here kitty."

"Did I hear you say you were looking for a pussycat?" a creaky high-pitched voice said from behind them. Fabian turned around to see a gnarled little gnome with long stringy red hair sitting underneath a tree.

"I might be looking for a cat," Fabian said. "What's it to you?"

"I just thought you might be interested to know I saw a pussycat in a clearing near here not more than an hour ago," the gnome said.

"You did?" Fabian rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "What did it look like?"

"Big and white," the gnome said. "Lots of long poofy fur."

"This sounds like our feline all right," Fabian said. "Take us to this clearing and Scrote here will reward you with a copper shilling."

"I will?" Brandon asked.

"Because of his bad attitude, Scrote will now reward you with two copper shillings out of his own pocket."

"Very well, come this way," the gnome said as it hopped onto its feet and hobbled off into the forest.

It led them to a small clearing about five minutes away and walked straight up to an overgrown fern. "Pussycat went under there."

"This looks like a good job for you, Scrote," Fabian said. "Why don't you crawl under that bush and see if you can retrieve the fleabag?"

Brandon got down on his hands and knees and wiggled his way underneath the fern. "I don't see any cats under here, but there is a decent sized hole in the ground. Too small for me to fit through, but looks about the right size for a cat."

Fabian turned and looked at the little gnome. "You're small. Maybe you can fit down that hole. The kid will make it worth your while."

"Sorry, not me," the gnome said. "I'm allergic to pussycats. That's why I chased it under that bush and down the hole so it would leave me alone. What you need, my friend, is a shrinking spell."

"I don't do magic, so I'm afraid that's out of the question," Fabian said.

"Well, you see, here's the thing," the gnome said. "When I was chasing the cat earlier I dropped a bracelet down the hole and I need someone to get it back for me. It's not worth much, so don't get any big ideas, but it has a lot of sentimental value for me. But as I already mentioned I'm allergic to cats so I can't go after it. Therefore, you're going to get it. So Alla Kattar Nibishku!" The gnome twirled its fingers as it uttered an incantation and Fabian suddenly felt a tingling sensation all over his body.  His stomach felt like it had risen up to his throat and the next thing he knew he was shrinking drastically. Soon the little gnome towered over him.  He estimated he might be around six inches tall, give or take.

"You little dirtbag," Fabian shouted. "I'll rip your head off for this!"

"Tut tut, my tiny friend," the gnome said. "Might I remind you that I am now quite larger than you and could crush you underneath my foot if I chose. Now fetch me my bracelet and I shall return you to your normal size. After I have moved away to a safe distance, of course, so don't entertain the notion of doing bodily harm to me."

"All right, I'll go down the hole. But could you at least shrink Scrote down, too, so I'll have some help?"

"Very well," the gnome said as Brandon wiggled his way back out from under the fern.

"Hey guys, what's going on?"

"Alla Kattar Nibishku!" the gnome shouted as it waved its fingers around in Brandon's face. He immediately shrank down to Fabian's size.

"All right, Scrote. We're going into that hole after that cat. Just think of it like a big cave. It'll be an adventure."

"My pa is so going to kill me," Brandon shook his head as he followed Fabian back underneath the now giant-sized fern.