The Shady Adventures of Fabian

Chapter 5

Balooga the Mighty grabbed Fabian by the shirt collars and slammed him up against the wall. Fabian's feet dangled several feet off the floor. He tried kicking at his assailant, but it was much like kicking a solid brick wall. He looked around desperately and noticed a shelf just overhead with a large cast iron flagon sitting on it. He reached his hand up and was able to touch the flagon. It was much too heavy for him to lift so he concentrated on pushing it forward. It took every last bit of his strength, but finally it tipped over the edge of the shelf and conked the huge man on the head.

Balooga the Mighty sputtered out a few words and then suddenly released Fabian.

He took a couple steps backwards and then fell into the other card table, sending its cards and chips flying all over the room as well. Fabian took advantage of the situation to pick up as many chips as he possibly could and shove them into his pockets. He was reaching out for a black chip when a boot fell on his hand.

"Hey, watch where you're stepping, bozo!" Fabian said as he looked up to see who the clumsy fool was. The elf was staring down at him with a cruel look in his eye. The tall, gangly man stood right behind him scowling.

"Those are not yours to take, cheater," the elf said.

"Yeah?" Fabian said. "What are you going to do about it? Prance around in the forest under the moonlight and pray to your elven gods to smite me with rainbows?"

The elf slapped Fabian across the face. Then he pulled out a long skinny dagger and held it to Fabian's throat. "I should kill you right here, human scum."

"That would be a really terrible idea. Throat slitting makes a terrible mess. The blood sprays out everywhere and it'll ruin your cloak. I'm guessing that thing wasn't cheap to make. I'm sorry for the cracks about elves, by the way. Stereotypes are so harmful. I really should know better."

"Silence, or I'll cut out your tongue before I kill you. I don't like the way you're looking at me either. I believe perhaps I'll start by poking out your eyes."

The elf pulled the dagger up into a striking position, but something solid connected with his head before he could bring the dagger down.

"Hands off our celebrity patron," Meep shouted as he swung the broomstick at the elf's head again. It landed with a solid thumping sound and the elf tilted over and fell on his face.

Meep turned towards the tall gangly man. "Do you want some of this?"

The man shook his head furiously.

"Then get out of here!" Meep shouted.

"And take your friends with you," Arglebargle shouted from the bar.

"They're no friends of mine," the man said as he held his hands up in the air. "I've never seen them before tonight."

"Take them with you anyway," Arglebargle said. "Meep, you might need to help dragging the big one out of here. You three are all banned from ever coming back here."

"Hold on one second," Fabian said as he walked over to the unconscious elf. "I've been needing a new cloak, since mine was recently damaged. His looks much nicer anyway. I think the least this guy can do is trade cloaks with me, after he assaulted me and threatened my life." Fabian untied the elf's cloak and tried it on. It was lightweight and fit like it had belonged to him all his life. "Very well, you may drag him out of here now." He waved his hand dismissively at the tall gangly man who reached under the elf's shoulders and pulled him out the door.

"We're very sorry about that, Mr. Fabian," Arglebargle said. "We can't have our celebrity guests being assaulted. That would be bad for business. Can I offer you another ale on the house to make up for it?"

"That would be acceptable," Fabian said with a sniff. "How about you cash in these chips I skillfully won at the card game while you're at it?" He dumped a huge pile of chips on top of the bar.

"Wow, somebody had a good night at the tables," Arglebargle said with a little whistle. Actually Fabian was quite skilled at picking things up off of floors, but he didn't feel the need to mention that.

"I was told that you employed the services of a lady of the evening," Fabian said as he took a sip off the ale.

"Oh yeah, Kyndi," Arglebargle said. "I'm surprised she's not around here somewhere. Maybe she's upstairs with another client. Wait, there she is coming through the door right now."

Fabian turned around to see a petite woman with long auburn hair in a tight-fitting red evening gown. She appeared to have a perfect hourglass figure. "She'll do nicely. Say, you don't suppose you could negotiate a discount on her services, seeing as I'm a big celebrity and everything, do you?"

"She handles her own business. I'm afraid I can't do anything to help you out there. But I'm sure she's heard of you, if you're as big of a celebrity as you say you are. She'll probably give you a discount."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Fabian said. "Plus, there's my natural animal magnetism to contend with. Chicks always flip their lids over that. Oh, by the way, I think you dropped something."

"I did?" Arglebargle said as he bent over and started looking on the floor. Fabian reached over the bar and picked the bartender's pocket. He found a small leather pouch containing seven shillings. He figured that should be enough to cover prostitute expenses.

"I must have been mistaken," Fabian said. "Well, have a good night, friend. I hope the customers tip well." He whistled a little tune to himself as he made his way over toward the woman in the red dress.