The Shady Adventures of Fabian

Chapter 35

It appeared they had stumbled upon the site of another recent battle, although this time the pirates seemed to have fared a little better. Only two dead pirates lay on the ground whereas hundreds of giant sewer rats lay chopped to pieces everywhere.

"Glad we missed out on this fight," Fabian said. "I've already had enough encounters with oversized rats to last me for the rest of my life. Not that I couldn't have handled it. I easily dispatched that rat we fought in the cage and it was much bigger than any of these."

"That rat was actually a normal sized rat," Brandon said. "We were the ones who were shrunk down, remember?"

"Same difference," Fabian said dismissively. "Anyway, it seems like some of your pirate buddies must still be alive down here. Or at least some of them survived this battle. Maybe one of them has located the cat by now."

"Do you think Oogums came down here to hunt sewer rats?"

"I probably would if I were a cat," Fabian sniffed. "But that's just the way I roll. Tiny little mice wouldn't cut it for Fabian. No, I'd need more of a challenge. Giant sewer rats would definitely be more my style."

"It's interesting that you've put so much thought into what your style would be if you were a cat."

"It's important to think of contingencies. You never know when some wizard is going to transform you into a gopher or something. Stupid wizards."

Fabian quickly rummaged through the dead pirates' pockets and stashed the few shillings he found there.

There was a single doorway leading out of the opposite end of the room so Fabian and Brandon continued through. They found themselves in a narrow circular shaped tunnel with a stream of sewer water continuing to run along the floor. Fabian paid close attention to the ceiling and made sure to cling to the wall anytime he spotted something that resembled a pipe that might dump more sewage on him. After a short distance they came to a spot where the tunnel branched off into two directions.

"Should we split up and check both tunnels?" Brandon asked.

"No, I'd much prefer to have someone to use as a shield if I encounter any nasty monsters. We'd better stick together. There's sewer water running down both branches, so it's not like we're going to get out of walking through sewage either way. I guess we're going to have to use a little detective work here."

"Look, there's a white hairball on the ground on the left tunnel," Brandon said. "Oogums must have gone that way."

"That's definitely possible. Although some of your pirate buddies had some unkempt beards and questionable hygiene. I wouldn't be surprised if they were walking around coughing up hairballs at regular intervals. Still, it's the best lead we've got. To the left it is."

This tunnel grew even narrower and they were forced to walk single-file. Fabian insisted on taking up the rear in order to guard their flank

"Do you hear that?" Brandon asked. "It sounds like there's more fighting going on up ahead."

"You'd better go check it out," Fabian said. "I'll stay here and you can report back to me."

Fabian sat down on the ground and waited while Brandon moved on ahead. He could hear the sound of the scuffle reverberating down the tunnel and it seemed to continue on for what must have been twenty minutes. Brandon still hadn't returned and Fabian began drumming his fingers on the wall in boredom. He felt his eyes starting to get a little heavy. The fighting noises were pretty loud, but not so loud that they would prevent him from squeezing in a little nap while he waited for Brandon to return. He let out a long yawn and then smacked his lips as he tried to make himself comfortable in the cramped little tunnel. After a few minutes he managed to doze off.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed when he felt himself being shaken awake.

"Sir, wake up!" Brandon shouted.

"This better be important, Scrote. I was in the middle of a dream where I was just about to bed two nubile twin princesses."

"It is important, sir. I walked into that chamber just in time to see three members of my crew fighting a bunch of horrible monsters. They looked kind of like men with melted faces and multiple eyes and hair growing where it shouldn't."

"Yuck. Sounds like the got themselves into a fight with some sewer mutants. Those things are gross. Please tell me they've been dispatched."

"My men were outnumbered so I joined in to lend a hand. I called back to you for help but you didn't answer."

"I heard no such thing. It's probably because you're mumbling all the time, Scrote. You need to speak up with confidence or nobody's ever going to respect you."

"Anyway, you never came, but I couldn't leave my men to battle alone. The fighting was intense. Every time we managed to take one down it seemed like two more swarmed in to take their place. Salty Pete and Yellowbeard Jack were both cut down."

"I'm sorry, who are Salty Pete and Yellowbeard Jack?" Fabian asked.

"They're pirates and valuable members of my crew!" Brandon said. "Billy Finn the Rum-Swiller and I were the only ones left standing, but we'd managed to thin the sewer mutants down so there were only three left. We each managed to kill one, and Billy managed to cut the last one down, but not before he was mortally wounded himself. I held him in my arms as he passed away."

"Well, that's a huge tragedy. But the good news is you guys killed all the sewer mutants, right? We can continue onward without running into any more of those things."

"Well, there's not much further we can go in that direction. There was a staircase leading up to what looked like daylight, but no other tunnels or doors. Oh yeah, I'm pretty sure I saw a white cat climbing the stairs while I was in the middle of fighting a sewer mutant."

"What?" Fabian asked. "Why didn't you mention that right away? In fact, why didn't you abandon the battle immediately and come fetch me? We could have nabbed the cat while your pirate buddies were distracting the sewer mutants! I swear, Scrote. You're setting new lows in both idiocy and incompetence. Well, we'd better hurry and get up those stairs before the cat gets too far ahead of us."

"I think I should go back to the entry chamber and wait in case any of the rest of my crew is still alive. That's where we were supposed to meet if anyone found Oogums."

"First of all, we haven't found the thing yet. Until it's in our possession, it's still lost. Secondly, I'm absolutely positive your entire crew is dead. No offense, but they suck at fighting. I've seen little peasant girls handle themselves better in a skirmish. These losers got themselves picked off by every monster and trap in this joint. Whatever was lurking down those other tunnels surely obliterated your crew. I don't know, maybe they were poor fighters or maybe it was a mark of poor leadership. Either way they're definitely dead as doornails."

"I still feel like it's my responsibility to go back and see if any of them are alive. If even one has survived it's my duty as their captain to be there for them. It's okay, you can go on without me and get Oogums."

"Okay, I didn't want to bring this up before, but I'm horribly allergic to cats. I'm going to need you to carry the thing, while I obviously receive all the credit when we return it to the countess."

"You're really allergic?" Brandon asked.

"Horribly. My face will get all swollen up and I won't be able to breathe. I could die, Scrote. Do you want me to die?"

"No, of course I don't want that," Brandon said.

"Also, once we have the cat in hand we can return and wait for your pirate friends, even though I'm certain none of them are alive. But if it'll make you feel better to wait for them, that's what we'll do."

"You promise?" Brandon asked.

"Fabian's word is known far and wide as being as good as if it were etched in stone for all eternity. If Fabian says something is so, then you can absolutely count on the fact that it is so. Nothing is more certain than a promise from Fabian."

"Not to be a stickler for details, sir, but you still haven't actually promised."

"What? Oh, yes, of course. I, er, promise. Now let's get that damn cat back and be done with this quest."