The Shady Adventures of Fabian

Chapter 70

"I see them!" Sir Mikael called out. "They're over here by this large oak tree!"

The wizard Delroy held the princess Wartha's arms locked up behind her with one of his hands while he held a blue energy ball near her head with the other. "Don't come any closer or I'll blast her. I'm warning you, I'll do it!"

"Whatever, you stupid wizard," Fabian said. "Those little blue things are pretty much just fancy candles. Do your worst."

"Oh yeah?" Delroy asked as he lobbed the energy ball at a nearby boulder. It promptly exploded into smithereens.

"Huh. I would not have seen that coming."

"Look, I just want to make a deal," Delroy said.

"And why should we make a deal with you, wizard?" Briawny asked.

"You broke my wand, you killed my dragon, you destroyed my tower. My magical powers have grown greatly weakened, although I assure you I still maintain enough strength to smite you all where you stand. Still, my enchantment upon King Wangdangdoodle's water supply has been broken. The rivers of tar are water again. I have no wish for further conflict with the man. Truthfully, all I want is my mime statue back. As long as I have that I have no need of anything else. Return my statue to me and I will let the princess go unharmed."

"What do you all think?" Sir Mikael asked as he rubbed his chin. "I don't see what further harm he could cause."

"I say never trust a wizard," Fabian said. "That statue probably has lots of magic in it and he's going to turn us all into snails as soon as he lays his hands on it."

"I don't know," Brandon shrugged. "I kind of feel sorry for the guy. He did lose everything he had."

"Wizard, do you swear upon whatever you hold sacred that you will release the princess and be on your way if we give you this statue?" Briawny asked.

"I swear on that statue that I will," Delroy said.

"Very well," Briawny said. "Give him his precious statue."
"Okay," Brandon said as he flew the magic carpet over to where the wizard stood. Delroy released the princess and held his hands out greedily.

"Here, let me just give it a little shove," Brandon said with a grunt. "Gosh, this thing's heavier than it looks. How did I get it on here in the first place?"

"Don't shove it young man," Delroy said. "Just bring the carpet down to the ground and I'll take it from there."

Brandon couldn't hear the wizard over the sound of his own heavy breathing due to exertion. "Hang on a second. I think it moved a little." He shoved it again. The statue suddenly toppled over the side and landed right on top of Delroy with a loud thud. Liquified wizard body parts flew out from underneath the statue and splattered all over everyone.

"Oops," Brandon said. "What just happened?"

"What happened is you just killed the evil wizard Delroy," Fabian said. "Nice job, Scrote."

"My hero," the princess Wartha said with a swoon.

"Oh no," Brandon said. "I didn't mean to kill him. I was just trying to give him his statue back."

"Sure thing, killer," Fabian said.

"This is horrible," Brandon said covering his mouth with his hand.

"Eh, that guy was a total dick. He was undoubtedly going to doublecross us. You did good, kid."

"I concur," Sir Mikael said. "That wizard was surely a villain. Perhaps the world is better off without him."

"I was prepared to kill him myself if the need arose," Briawny said. "The important thing is we have successfully completed our quest and now we can return the princess to Wooglebury." She walked to a nearby tree where she had her horse Finnegrine tied up during the battle. She untied him and leaped onto his back. "Who's riding with me?"

"I was thinking now that we've got this magic carpet that Scrote, the princess and I could all ride on that while you guys ride your horses."

"Very well," Briawny said. "Let us be on our way."

Brandon brought the carpet down and Fabian and Princess Wartha got on it. He took it back into the air and they cruised right above Sir Mikael and Briawny as they rode on horseback.

"Say, Scrote, how do you control this thing anyway?"

"I don't know exactly, sir. I just kind of think about what I want it to do and it does it."

"It's almost as if it were magic or something," Princess Wartha said.

"Yeah, you think?" Fabian said. "Hey, you mind if I give it a try?"

"Sure," Brandon said.

"All right, let's see what this baby can do." He thought about turning left and the carpet veered off to the left. Then he thought about turning in a circle and the carpet turned completely around. "Hey, this is pretty fun."

"And now that he's not busy piloting the carpet I can make out with my future husband," Princess Wartha said as she threw her arms around Brandon's neck.

"Say what now?" Brandon started to ask but was stifled as the princess mashed her lips into his and proceeded to shove her tongue down his throat.

Fabian looked over his shoulder. "Don't get me wrong, Scrote. I'm glad you're finally getting some action. But gross! Get a room you two. I don't want to be listening to that slurping sound while I'm trying to fly this carpet."

Brandon tried to respond but was unable to do more than make a vocal sound as the princess refused to stop sucking on his face.

"You guys are really bad at kissing, you know that?" Fabian said. "I can see the slobber running down your chin, Scrote. Eh, whatever. Let's see what this puppy can really do." Fabian thought about ditching Briawny and Sir Mikael and flying really, really, super-duper fast. The carpet gave a little lurch and then took off like a rocket leaving the two horse riders in the dust.

"What just happened?" Sir Mikael asked.

"I don't know, but I'll bet that lousy thief was involved and when we catch up to him he's going to have a lot of explaining to do. And if I don't like his answers, he's going to have a lot of dying to do." She kicked her horse and chased after the quickly disappearing carpet at a full gallop.