Model for Me~ [CNBLUE Kpop Fanfiction]

Choice

[Yonghwa POV]

We were all seated inside a dance practice room at the company, one of the many places we as a band would probably never go inside of. However, here we were, all four members of CNBLUE seated in the five chairs placed in the centre of the room, staring off into space with the many mirrors lining one of the walls reflecting our seated selves.

The room was silent, except for the occasional scuffing or squeak of shoes on the floor as one of us shifted in our seats or the shff-shff sound of our clothes rubbing together as we fidgeted. No one spoke, no one made a sound; we were almost like silent statues. The silence was stifling.

There was one chair left empty to my right and I had wondered briefly who it was for when we had entered the room, but as soon as we all sat down - Minhyuk to my left, then Jungshin to his, and finally Jonghyun - I knew from the dark, shadowed expression on Jungshin's face that this was organised by a certain girl by the name of Song Sun-hi.

I sat there, arms crossed and lounging back in my chair, waiting for the past ten or so minutes until she came in. Normally, the four of us would be happy and enjoying ourselves with the indulgence of being in a dance practice room rather than our own band practice room but the thick air of electric tension weighed down on all of us, bringing down our moods even further. Where is she? The unspoken question of her absence hanging in the air between us.

I stared at my own reflection in the mirror, my eyes brown and empty that was staring back at me. They looked dull and lifeless even to me, and feeling disgusted I moved my gaze to the other reflections in the mirror. Minhyuk was also staring at the mirror and as I met his gaze in the mirror, I could tell that he knew what was going to happen, his dark brown orbs wise and sad. I nodded slightly to him and switched my gaze to the two seated opposite of me, only their backs were reflected in the mirror and I wanted to see their eyes.

Tearing my gaze away from the mirror, I locked my eyes on Jonghyun first. I wasn't ready to see Jungshin's eyes yet. Jonghyun was leaning forward, resting his elbows on his thighs with his hands clasped together. His brows were furrowed as he stared at his hands, fingers moving slightly as if he were playing his guitar. It seemed he was too deep in thought to be bothered much by what is going to happen. At least he seems happy.

Slowly, I rested my gaze on Jungshin. He had his long legs stretched out with his hands behind his head. He had his eyes closed, and I sighed internally. What have I got to fear of my dongsaeng? I chastised myself. His even breaths made it almost seem as if he was asleep but I knew otherwise. He was most definitely not asleep.

This time, I truly sighed aloud, letting out a deep breath. Not one of them stirred except Minhyuk's eyes that darted to look at me and then away. What am I supposed to do with this group of sad-looking sacks of depression? Where have all their hyper-active happiness gone? It seemed like the world was about to end or something.

It was then that the door to the studio slowly creaked open, the translucent glass hiding whoever it was behind the glass door. I turned my head slightly to see Sun-hi poke her head around the side timidly, scanning the room with her eyes before pushing the door open wider and stepping around. She closed it behind her back with a definite click but didn't move any further.

Why is she hesitating? She WAS the one who called us all here, I thought, raising a hand slowly and waving her over. I saw her let out a breath and come walking over, the click-click of her heels echoing around the room.

[Narrator POV]

The sounds of my heels echoing around the room made me wince, breaking the heavy silence in the studio. I walked towards the last empty chair, pulling it back slightly to open the circle so I could sit down. When I was seated, I looked at each of the boys in turn. Yonghwa was watching me intently, Minhyuk's expression was blank, Jonghyun was leaning forward and looked up at me and Jungshin - he was the only one with his eyes closed.

They all remained silent, not even a simple hello but that didn't matter. I was more than a hundred percent sure that a few of them were mad at me and when celebrities are mad at you, it seemed the cold shoulder they give you hurts more than ever. Every cold look felt like icicles in my back.

I took in a deep breath and opened my mouth, ready to speak even as my heart increased in speed, thumping deafeningly in my ears as if it wanted to break out of my chest. "G-guys..." I stuttered embarrassingly and quickly cleared my throat and began again, "Guys, I told you all to meet here because I have something to tell you."

Still no one spoke. The silence was like a horrible, suffocating blanket over us all so I took this chance to continue, "This would probably seem imprudent of me, borderline rude maybe, because it seems this case you've all placed on me... that very fact that you've all said you like me," here I felt my cheeks beginning to pink, "I feel truly honoured that you all think of me that way. No, feel for me like this. And, I've thought about it a lot."

Jungshin opened an eye lazily to look at me when I said that. He was placing me under his scrutiny, judging me to my very soul with this one look. I bit the inside of my cheek nervously and continued to talk, "I've always been a fan of CNBLUE. Always and forever in the future. It felt like years and years ago, but I only really just met you guys at the beginning of this year. But it has felt so long, as if I've always known each and every one of you, with all the things we've been through. I've had fun times and sad times, and I hope we'll continue to make memories together. So this... this..." I felt my eyes start to blur and stopped, lifting a hand to wipe the oncoming tears away.

"So this... hurdle in our lives, I hope we can overcome together. I don't ever want us to become enemies or hate each other with a vengeance and I certainly hope this bump in our lives don't ruin the strong relationship you guys have with each other. I don't want to be the one thing that pulls you four apart. Never," I said, looking each of them in the eye, not just trying to convince them but myself as well.

I took in another deep breath and sighed, "So I finally decided and it hurts me so much to say I had to pick only one of you," I said, feeling the tears coming faster now, "I... I'm so sorry to the rest of you... I don't want to break your hearts. I'm sure you will all find a better girl than me," and stood up slowly to walk towards the person I had chosen.

My heart had decided for me, and I knew for sure that he was who I truly liked more than the whole world. Every time I was near him (though the others were near too), my heart would beat faster; my breath would be taken away each time he laughed, sang, spoke to me; I could feel every note he played on his instrument and every word he sang echoed in my ears. His touch sent flames through my body and all I could do was just freeze and stare as he walked away.

Jungshin's eyes widened as I walked forward and stopped in front of him. He stared up at me and sat up slowly; pulling his long legs beneath his chair then reached a hand out to take one of mine that hung limply at my side. Then I watched as his expression darken, eyes narrowing into a powerful stare, "You... you're not lying are you?" he asked, doubt colouring his voice.

I shook my head, preferring not to speak because I wasn't confident that my voice wouldn't waver. Except the next thing he said, "Then say it. Say it so I can believe it. Let me hear you say so," made me freeze.

It was my turn to widen my eyes and I swallowed, "F-fine. I l-like you." I said it so quietly, I wasn't even sure that I had said those three words. But the satisfied smile that tugged at the corner of his lips let me know that he had heard me.

"Say it. Louder, since I'm a little hard of hearing," Jungshin said with a chuckle. The sound of his laugh made me finally feel relieved but his words once again hit me like a lightning bolt.

"N-no. Anyways, I need to go," I muttered, trying to pull away.

It was then that I felt someone put a hand on my shoulder. I turned my head to see Yonghwa with a sad smile on his face that broke my heart, "Jungshin, leave her be. She's yours now, so you can hear any number of times later," he said, ruffling my hair lightly before pushing back his chair and leaving the room.

Jonghyun stood up silently and left as well, followed by Minhyuk who had his head bowed. I watched them leave without having said a word the whole time. I guess I really did break their hearts and I felt a little sadder at that thought. Only time could tell whether they will feel better soon, I just hoped it wouldn't be too long.