Unraveling Harmony

26 - She Played Us All

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Chapter 26: Ryan

            She left yesterday morning; left without a single goodbye and where the hell was I? Oh that's right, instead of being at the airport possibly winning her heart back, I was at stupid baseball practice. Yeah, baseball practice because of all things on my to do list, a sport is more important to me than a once-in-a-lifetime relationship. I sure knew where all of my priorities lied.

            I should've been there, at least trying to prevent her from flying right out of my life, but I was too much of a coward to do anything. I already hurt her once; how can I be so sure I wouldn't do it again?

            Now she's three thousand miles away. It took me only twenty four hours to finally realize that I blew yet another chance to save her, save us. It seems like I'm not good with handling second chances. I'm such an idiot.

            My phone buzzed from my pocket and for a split second, I hoped that it was Harmony, but why was I setting my expectations so high? She didn't need anything from me anymore and that was made crystal clear when she took off from my house that day; the day when everything just crumbled beneath our feet.

            I'm still beating myself up for not owning up to my mistakes and lying point blank to the one person I never wanted to hurt. I was turning into someone I wasn't and I didn’t like this new Ryan very much.

            When did I become such a liar? I think the last lie I remember telling was in fifth grade when I told Ms. Jenkins that the class hamster died of natural causes. It actually died because I forgot to feed it over spring break, but that's a different story. The point is, I don't keep secrets or go around telling false stories. It just feels morally wrong. So why did I do it to Harmony of all people, a person I couldn't risk losing?

            I guess over the course of our imperfect relationship, it was sometimes easier, safer to keep certain things locked up inside of you; a place where the only person who can judge you was yourself. I thought keeping these feelings from coming out would make the truth less harder to take in and handle. I knew the truth was going to hurt, but I didn't know that telling lies to cover up reality would come back hurting you and the people around you in a way you couldn't even begin to imagine.

            It made honesty a safer route and I should've taken it from the start, regardless of the possible consequences. No, I decided to take the road most travelled by and look where I ended up: staring at the mess I made, unsure of anything and everything.

            I glanced at the caller ID and Abrielle's name flashed onto my screen. I hit talk and instantly heard the sound of crying.

            “Abrielle? Is everything alright?” I could barely make out her voice over the muffled sobs, but I did pick up that she wanted me to meet her at her house. She gave no reason why she was in an emotional state and I didn't push on the subject, knowing if Abrielle wanted to tell me, she would've already. I told her to hang on and that I was on my way over, but she had already ended the conversation; the dial tone flat and empty.

            I glanced back down at my phone. No missed calls. No new texts. Nothing. It was like she never existed, but I knew she did. All of these emotions and feelings weren’t just fragments of my imagination. She was already moving on, taking her suitcase and leaving me with the blame. How could she have no trouble sleeping when I’m wide awake at 3am trying to make sense of what little remains?

            I sighed deeply before grabbing a stray jacket draped over a chair and heading out the door. Jumping into the corvette, I was hit with a familiar overwhelming scent: tangerine. She was still everywhere even when she wasn’t here.