Majestic

14.

"Never love anybody who treats you like you're ordinary."

-Oscar Wilde

July:

"Addy," someone whispered and I rolled over and hugged my pillow tighter, "We have our doctor's appointment today," I peaked up and kissed Josh.

"I'm excited to see the baby."

"Me too," it's been about a week since we found out and we're both giddy with excitement, "I'll start breakfast, while you're getting ready," he kissed me softly and I smiled.

"I love you."

"I love you," we walked out of the room and I walked into the bathroom slowly. I turned on the shower and waited for the water to heat up. I tilted my head back and grabbed my hair to rinse out the conditioner when a sharp pain made me stop. I touched my side and took a deep breath. I touched my forehead and tried to calm my nerves. Everything was going to go okay today. Everything is fine.

"Ouch," I said out loud when the pain shot from my side to my lower back. All thoughts shattered and I started to panic. I looked down and my heart jumped at the sight of the blood pooling at my feet. My lips trembled, "Josh!" I shouted and leaned against the wall. My heartbreaking as I saw all the blood go down the drain. I swallowed and Josh ran into the bathroom.

"What happened?" he reached for the curtain and stopped at the sight of the blood, "Oh my god!"

"Call 911!" he pulled out his phone and turned off the water. He pulled me into his arms and held me until the paramedics arrived. They pulled me onto the gurney and we rode to the hospital in silence. Both of us knew that we had lost our baby and my heart broke into a million pieces.

Hours later we were sitting in the emergency room, waiting for Dr. Westfield to return with my test results.

"I know I lost him," I whispered and I looked at him.

"Maybe the tests will say something different. We won't know until the tests come back."

"I felt it the moment it happened," my eyes welled up with tears and Josh climbed into the bed with me.

"I'm here. I'm here," he whispered and I cried into my chest. I don't remember falling asleep, but Josh woke me up and Dr. Westfield was standing in front of us.

"I'm glad you got some sleep," I gave him a small smile and he lifted the chart in his hands, "After going over the test results, I'm so sorry for your loss," I know he said more, but my ears started ringing and my eyes filled with tears. He left after he read everything, and Josh looked down at me.

"He said both of our fertility tests came out fine, so in the future, we can talk about having kids," I just stared at the wall and nodded.

"I just want to go home," I whispered and he nodded.

"Okay. I'll go see when we can get discharged," he stood up and walked out. I swallowed my next wave of tears and my body fought back, shaking until I gave into the pain. I held my stomach and cried into the pillows next to me.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered to my tummy, and a pair of arms wrapped around me.

"It's not your fault Addy."

"I couldn't keep him alive. I'm so sorry Josh," I pulled myself into his chest and I felt his tears hit my hands.

"It's not your fault, but he will forever be our first, okay? He is our special angel," I cried harder into his chest, but his words made my heart explode. Our first.

"Am I okay to go home?"

"They are keeping you overnight. Just in case your blood pressure drops again," I nodded.

"They told me I could get you food other than the cafeteria here. What do you want?"

"I need Chinese."

"Okay."

"Josh," he looked at me and smiled, "I love you so much."

"I love you too."

***

Josh helped me up the stairs and pulled back my covers. He set down his overnight bag and placed all of the pain medication on my bedside table.

"I'm going to the store to get the stuff on this list from the hospital. Randy and Steph should be over soon. Call me if you need anything," he kissed me softly and I nodded.

"Drive safe."

"Always do," he kissed me again and left. I turned on the T.V. and hunted through Netflix for a long show to binge while in recovery.

"Knock. Knock," Steph opened the door and I gave her a small smile, "How are you feeling? I know it's a loaded question."

"I'm doing okay. Blood pressure is back to normal and the bleeding should stop in the next couple of weeks."

"I'm here if you want to talk about it."

"I'm in shock. I haven't taken the mental energy to process everything. I know I'll be a mess when it all hits. I'll call you when I get to that point," she pulled me into a hug.

"You better."

"Hey babe," Josh was standing in the doorway and I smiled.

"Did you find everything on the list?"

"Yes and completely forgot to get dinner, so Randy and I are going to get food," I laughed.

"Okay. See you soon," he kissed me quickly and left.

"He is so perfect for you," Steph stated and I patted the spot next to me.

"He is amazing. I feel guilty for not giving him a family."

"You will when the time is right. You said the doctor told you both your results were great."

"I know, but I got attached to my baby. It hurts my heart when I think about him not being here."

"I know Hunny. He will always be your first," she handed me a tissue and hugged me.

"Thank you for being here Steph."

"Of course."