Do you want to live this way? (CROWEN)

Chapter 4

The Night Before She Left.

There comes a point in your life where the night becomes darker. The emotions burning inside are eager to be heard -- but with all those sentiments you wanted to scream, in the end... all you can produce are silent tears.

Cristina cannot sleep; beside her is her husband, sleeping. She looks at his beard, his nose, his ginger hair, he looks so calm on his slumber. She gently removes herself from the duvet and walks silently to the room of her 5 years old, who is asleep and then to their 1 year old son who loves to sleep on his stomach. She then went to their bathroom, looks at herself whom she cannot recognize anymore, the woman in front of her is just known as the mother of Morgan, Theo, Owen's wife or somebody's heart doctor- not Cristina Yang. Well, Still Cristina Yang but just less.

When she found out that Shane Ross study - her conduit trial, was funded and transferred to a cardiothoracic specialized facility in Zurich, she just feels envious. It is unfair! It was her study and she gave it up - supposedly, to have a life outside surgery but now - she's regretted it.

It pains her so much that she knows her cries might wake up her husband in the room. She then went to the shower room and let the water soaked her fully clothed body while she sobs. She was thinking of drowning herself in there but realized that is not worth it, she do not want to traumatize her family seeing her dead body lying on the floor the next morning, they do not deserve it and she will not end that way- just no. She needs to do something, a professional help or a new environment maybe. She needs to be well and find herself again for her family and sanity's sake.

This is the plan she came up with few weeks back but this is the only time she had courage to do. She then packed her things including one clothes each of her boys. She kissed her sleeping husband on his forehead then kissed and hugged her boys, whispered I love yous and I am sorry.

She wrote a letter to Owen and placed it on the refrigerator.

She found herself in the airport buying a ticket to Zurich.

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Now.

Owen is a soldier. A trooper. He had survived the war and managed to overcome his PTSD with the help of his wife but now, he feels vulnerable than ever. When it comes to trauma and managing the hospital he has no doubts on his abilities but when you are a father of two with wife suddenly gone, all the fears from the past and future are starting to arise. The difference is, now, to succumbed back into his previous dark place is not an option since there are two lives he is responsible with for the rest of his life. He needs to be a mother/father for them. On how he will survive, he does not know.

Owen is on the phone, he was contacting, their colleagues, Cristina's bunch he knows in LA , cardiothoracic facilities , Meredith and even mental health facilities trying to trace his wife. Still, no information of his wife whereabouts.

He is again to send voicemail to Cristina's number until it was full. He was already pissed and as he hanged up the phone he saw his eldest son, approaching him. He picked him up and then hugged him. Theo suddenly cried and Owen comforted him. He wiped his son's tears.

Theo: when is Mama coming back? Is she angry at me? Is it because I am bad? Did you and Mama fight, daddy?

Owen : No son. We did not fight. Mom is just not feeling well and she just need to rest for her to feel better. If she's okay again, she will go home.

Theo: not feeling well? Does it mean Mom is sick ?

Owen : Yes, I think your mom is sick. But a different kind of sick.
("Sick of us maybe" is what he is thinking but did not say it out loud to his 5 year old kid)

Theo: like the patients in the hospital? They are sick too. You help them to get better, right daddy?

Owen: Yes buddy.

Theo: You are doctor, daddy. Why can't you treat mom in the hospital?

Owen : She needs a different kind of doctor for that, i guess.
But do not worry - once she's better. I am sure she'll go home for you and morgan.

Theo: I hope she will get better soon, Daddy. So she could go home. I miss her so much.

Owen: me too, buddy. Me too.

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**A/N Any thoughts, reviews and comments?
I will be more than happy to know them.
Thank you so much for reading this story. 😊