Pic on side is Tobie...
Outfit:http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=80091008
Lily’s P.O.V
Waking up early was hard for me. I hate it. Today, I have therapy and I’d prefer not to go. Luke and Ashton have to drop me and Hollie at therapy before they go to the studio, all before 12pm, which means I’m up at 9am, yawn. It’s February, the 10th, to be exact. Hollie is 4 months in her pregnancy, she’s starting to show, fans have been asking questions like who Hollie was and Ashton confirmed they’re in a relationship. He is terrified to tell the fans, Hollie is also finding it hard as Ashton is becoming more and more distant.
“Lily!” Luke exclaimed, he pulled the covers off of me and I groaned. He pulled me up; I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned in.
“Get dressed or I’ll dress you.” He smiled, his fingers twisting the fabric of my All Time Low top.
“You do it.” I mumbled, attaching our lips, he pulled away and placed the clothes in my hands.
“Don’t tempt me; those clothes will be ripped off you.” He winked before walking into the other room, I laughed and began changing. Once I finished I brushed my hair before pulling it into a high pony. I slid on my Sleeping with Sirens converse before walking to the living room. Hollie was stood in front of the mirror, her t-shirt lifted up so her belly was visible, the little bump stood out and she was staring down at it.
“What’s wrong?” I asked her.
“I don’t know if this is what I want.” She muttered before looking at me.
“I would jump at the chance to have a baby.” I told her, I had always wanted a baby, they’re beautiful and I guess I show a lot of love towards them because I wasn’t much loved as a child. I would want to
“I feel fat, useless, like I’m leaning on people for support and I just feel like shit. You wouldn’t want to be pregnant.” Hollie stated.
“I don’t need to be pregnant to feel that, I already do.” I told her.
“STOP! JUST STOP IT!” She screamed, I jumped and she walked over to me.
“THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!! OH MY GOD IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU! OH LOOK AT ME I’M STRUGGLING TO LIVE BOO HOO, EVERYONE GIVE ME SYMPATHY! OH LUKE COME AND KISS MY SCARS!” She screamed, I looked at her, the hurt booming in my heart.
“Stop it!” I exclaimed.
“NO! I’M LILY LOOK AT ME! I WAS BEING BEATEN UP BUT DECIDED TO IGNORE MY BEST FRIEND AND LET HIM BEAT ME!” She yelled and I gasped, I pushed her off me and backed away.
“I…I’m not like that!” I exclaimed, she nodded and I began crying, she grabbed my wrist and pushed me. I fell onto the floor, I heard a few gasps and then I saw Ashton grab his girlfriend.
“Hollie Stop!” He exclaimed, I sat up and I saw her look at my apologetically. I sighed and stood up.
“I’m walking to therapy.” I mumbled to Ashton, he thought about stopping me but let me go, he knew I needed space. I walked across the road, slowly.
Maybe if I die everyone will be happier.
No Lily, don’t think like that.
You know I’m right.
No, you’re not.
Yes, I am.
Shut up!
I barely noticed I walked in front of a boy on his bike, he screamed catching my attention, it was too late to move. He hit me and we both went flying, he grabbed me and I landed on my back, he landed on top of me and I screamed.
PHYSICAL CONTACT!
“Sh! Are you OK?” He asked, grabbing my face, my first reaction was to punch him. I did, right in his stomach, he groaned and rolled off me, I stood up and he grabbed my ankle.
“STOP IT!” I screamed. He stood up and I saw his worried look.
“Stop, I’m trying to help, you’re bleeding.” He said calmly, I looked at him confused and he pulled me arm into my view, he was right, I had grazed my arm and the blood had risen to the surface. I groaned and he laughed, he was attractive but there was something that told me he wasn’t into girls.
“I’m gay but thanks.” He smiled, I blushed and he laughed.
“I’m Lily.” I smiled.
“Tobie, IE not Y.” He smiled, I nodded and he laughed.
“So, I’m sorry about me, I was…just thinking.” I smiled.
“It’s fine, where are you going anyway?” He asked.
“Health clinic, you?” I asked him.
“I work in the heath clinic’s café, I’m actually looking for my boyfriend but I don’t know where he is.” He laughed.
“Oh. Is that him?” I asked him and pointed to the angry looking hot guy heading towards us. Tobie turned around and cursed.
“Yep.” He sighed.
“WHAT THE HELL TOB!” He yelled, Tobie sighed and looked at the boy.
“I just knocked her over on my bike.” Tobie replied.
“Oh well stupid sluts should be knocked over anyway.” He spat, I looked down at my clothes, black jeans and jumper, not slutty clothes. Hanging around with a homosexual? Not slutty, so what made me a slut?
“She’s not a slut.” Tobie replied. The dude glanced over me and scoffed.
“Forget it! I need to go to my therapy session.” I spat back at the hot yet jerk guy. I walked away hearing the two argue and I heard the angry one yell.
“SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT!” I turned just in time to see the angry one punch Tobie; I ran towards Tobie and pulled him away. He was taller and way more muscly then me.
“DON’T HIT HIM!” I screamed, he raised an eyebrow and laughed in my face.
“Why not?” He laughed.
“Because abusing doesn’t make you a better person, it makes you a controlling idiot. People who are abused are yelled at, making them believe they are doing something wrong. If you tell Tobie to go die, one day he could get up and kill himself. Don’t let it get that far.” I told him before walking away. I headed towards the clinic, one I had arrived I saw Tobie behind me.
“Thank you.” Tobie smiled.
“It’s OK; I used to…don’t worry.” I smiled before walking in. I headed to the room where I found Samantha standing arms crossed.
“10 minutes late.” She scolded.
“I walked.” I told her, she passed me a biscuit and we walked in, she locked the door and the panic set in. She’d never locked the door before.
“OK, Lily, the past 10 sessions have been easy, this is going to be hard and I need you to co-operate, the quicker you do this, the quicker you can go.” Samantha smiled.
“OK…” I said sounding worried.
“Do you think about suicide?”
“Yes.”
“How often do you think about it?”
“Every day.”
“Have you had reoccurring dreams about it?”
“Yes, when I was 14 and now they’re back.”
“What are they like?”
“I just end it. No one cares, everyone saw it coming.”
“Do you think about doing it?” She asked, my breathing got heavier, of course I do! I can’t say it though.
“Yes.” She nodded and wrote something down.
“Give me two valid reasons why you would want to die and live.” She demanded.
“Everyone hates me-”
“Invalid. I don’t hate you; your mum never hated you-”
“DON’T BRING HER INTO THIS SHE ALWAYS HATED ME! SHE COULD HAVE GOT BETER BUT SHE REFUSED THE TREATMENT BECAUSE SHE DIDN’T WANT ME, ME TO SEE HER DO IT!” I screamed, Samantha kept calm and I stood there, my breathing flowing furiously through me.
“It’s OK to cry.” I stood there and watched her write down something.
“I never got the chance to say goodbye. She told the nurses to not let me in. I wanted to be there, cry with her in her last moments…but she fucking left!” I yelled, my fists threw punches at the wall and Samantha jumped up, she grabbed me and held me as my anger slowly drained out.
“A valid reason to die?” She asked.
“I…I’m here. I’m trying to get better, even though I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I struggle to open up; I keep myself away from others and then complain about being alone.” I sighed.
“Can you tell me a valid reason to live?” She asked.
“Luke.” I replied.
“What makes Luke so special?” She asked.
“I love Luke. I love him a lot, I don’t know if he loves me but I would happily live the rest of my life, as long as he was right beside me. He’s not telling me how to live my life; he’s standing behind, ready to catch me if I fall. I push him away, pull him back and mess with him. No matter what I do, he still waits. He’s waiting for the day, I’m me again. He’s never seen the real me and I believe Luke can fix me enough for him to meet her. I’ve seen her and I would do anything to be her again. She’s funny, intelligent; she doesn’t care what others think because she knows she isn’t going to be perfect. She loves Luke too. She knows I will be better. Luke will get her back. I just need to let him in. He tries every day and everything he does is screaming 'Let Me In'. Luke's got me halfway there, he just needs to stick around long enough for me to get my life back into shape and become who I was.” I told her honestly, she smiled, got up and unlocked the door.
“Thank you! See you next week.” She smiled, I walked out and smiled, it felt like a building had collapsed on me and it had just been taken off. I headed into the café where I saw Tobie; I went up and smiled at him.
“Can I have a baguette please?” I asked, he nodded and turned to get it, while he was making it he made conversation with me.
“Want a job?” He asked and I nodded, he pulled me behind the counter and passed me an apron, I pulled my phone out and looked at it.
2 missed calls-Luke <3
3 messages-Luke <3, Ash :-), Hollie *-*.
I know it’s wrong but I ignored them.
Good for you! They don’t care they are just wondering if you’d killed yourself already!
“Lily?” Tobie asked, I pulled myself from my dark thoughts and smiled at him, he saw through me.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“Are you OK?” He asked.
No. You never will be.
“Yeah, just thinking.” I smiled; he nodded before showing me the ropes.
*Few hours later*
I was sat on the counter a Tobie was cleaning up, I offered but my medication slipped out of my pocket and he’s gone all ‘You might pass out’ thing on me.
“OOH HOT BOY!” Tobie screamed, I laughed and pulled out my phone, I’m in a relationship can’t look at hot boys.
“Oh god he’s heaven, Lily, shit he’s coming this w-” Tobie was cut off by the ringing of the door.
“Where have you been?” I knew that voice all too well.
“Hi babe.” I smiled, his face was pissed off.
“Are you ignoring me?” he asked.
“What no!” I lied.
Yes Luke, She's been ignoring you…
“Don’t lie!” He yelled, I flinched and he stood staring at me, the anger burned in his eyes.
“I’m sorry, I…I wasn’t in the mood for talking.” I told him, getting up and walking towards him.
“YOU NEVER ARE! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND HEAR ME! I LOVE YOU! I’M HERE NOW COME AND TALK TO ME! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD EARLIER! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT‘S LIKE THINKING THE GIRL YOU LOVE IS DEAD.” He screamed, I flinched before taking a few steps away from him.
“I’m sorry.” I whimpered, his eyes softened and he ran up to me, I flinched and I saw the hurt in his eyes. He wrapped me in his arms and he kissed my head.
“I’m sorry honey, I didn’t mean to yell, I’m just so afraid I’ll lose you.” He cried, my hand fisted his shirt as I wept into his shoulder.
“Oh my god you guys are so cute!” Tobie exclaimed making me laugh, I felt Luke tense, oh shit…
“I’ll see you tomorrow yeah, Lil?” Tobie asked, I nodded and Luke pulled me out of the store. He was dragging me through the streets until I saw the house.
“Luke, stop, you’re hurting me.” I begged, he stopped and pulled me over his shoulder.
“This isn’t helping.” I huffed. We walked in and I realised no one was home, he pushed me onto the couch and hovered over me, he didn’t kiss me but his mouth was running softly over mine, every time I went to connect our lips he moved back slightly.
“Luke!” I groaned.
“Who was that boy?” He asked his voice shallow and filled with jealousy.
“Tobie, he’s a friend and now my boss.” I told Luke, I think I’ll leave his sexuality out of it until I’ve pissed Luke off enough. He growled and pulled away; I stood up and grabbed his hands.
“Look me in the eye and tell me there is nothing going on between you two.” He demanded.
“You know I don’t make eye contact.” I tried my best not to smile but I’m sure a smirk was present.
“Lily.” He spat, his hands pushed me against the wall and his lips connected with my neck, I pushed my head back and I felt him leave heavy kisses on my neck.
“Uh...Um...Where were we?” I asked him, my breath becoming heavy. He began nibbling and an inhuman noise slipped from me, his lips formed a smirk and he pulled away.
“Does he do that?” Luke asked, his eyes dark with jealousy, I began laughing.
“Maybe to another boy.” I laughed, Luke realised what I meant.
“Shit I’m sorry.” He mumbled, I smiled and kissed his cheek.
“You’re amazingly hot when you’re jealous.” I laughed before going into the kitchen. I grabbed something to eat before sitting down on the couch. Luke crawled behind me and attached his lips to my jaw; I pretended to not notice him.
“Babe,” Luke began. “You know you love me? Can you give me a kiss please?” He begged, I shook my head, he pouted and I turned my head.
“Come here.” He smiled, he jumped over the couch and straddled me, I continued eating and watching ‘How I Met Your Mother’. He was desperate for attention; I continued to ignore him even when his hand slipped under my shirt. He lifted it up and I felt his lips press against my belly, a smile was felt as he looked at me.
“You’ve put on weight; this is way better than that skeleton of you.” Luke smiled, I smiled to myself, I’m finally eating normally and I’ve put on weight, I’m still fat but I don’t think Luke likes me when I’m flesh and bones. His lips pressed kisses against my stomach continuing up, he stopped under my bra strap and made his way back down, he was kissing the skin just above my jeans, and of course this is when the family walked in.
“OH, OH, OH, OH!!” Michael yelled, throwing his hands over his eyes, I was still ignoring Luke and he was still trying to get my attention. Calum stood laughing as he watched Luke kiss my stomach.
“Dude! Can you not have 50 shades of Luly, on my couch!?” Ashton yelled, I felt Luke laugh against me.
“She’s ignoring me.” He pouted, while turning to them; I took this chance to slip out from underneath him and pulled my shirt back down. He pouted and I smiled before heading over to him, he smiled and I pecked his lips.
“No! Proper kiss.” He whined. I laughed and walked away, him closely following. I walked into our room and plugged my phone into my charger. I walked over to the other side of the room; I pressed play on Luke’s IPod and flicked through his songs. After deciding I couldn’t pick one, I clicked shuffle and waited for it to play, ‘Hold Onto Me’ played through his speakers softly. We laid down and he pulled me onto his chest, he sang softly into my ear, I sang back quietly.
I know I've got my problems and it starts with me
She saw something inside that I can't see
And late at night , yeah she'll comfort me
Hold onto me, hold onto me
I got a nervous habit and I drink too much
She said she hates her life and wants to change her ways
She wakes in the night and whispers
Oh so quiet
Hold onto me, hold onto me
Don't you ever leave, Don't you ever leave
I know I've got my problems and it's probably me
So hold onto me, hold onto me
Stayed up too late and it hurts to breathe
Said it's 4 A.M., girl go back to sleep
Sometimes at night I can hear her dreams
Come rescue me, Come rescue me
Don't you ever leave, Don't you ever leave
I know we got our problems and it's probably me
So hold onto me, hold onto me
I'm a drifter's body in an open sea
And I've seen my reflection staring right back at me
With no place to go and you're left all alone
There's no place like home
Hold onto me, hold onto me
Just stay with me, Just stay with me
I know we got our problems and you'll probably leave
So hold onto me, hold onto me
I could never leave, I will never leave
So hold onto me, hold on to me
I felt Luke turn down the volume as some other loud song played; we slowly drifted to sleep while listening to his music.
A/N: HEYYYYYY!!!!
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Let Me In. (Luke Hemmings) *COMPLETED*
Fanfiction||No one can hurt you, unless you let them in|| WARNING: Self Harm, bad language and mature contents.
