Will You Stay? (Urban)

1

Finishing up the eulogy, Terry stepped down from the post and returned to his seat. I was barely listening because this whole funeral was full of lies.

Lies, lies, lies.

She was the beloved grandmother and aunt that no one believed could hurt a fly. But Aunt Nila wasn't as good of a person like everyone thought. She had everyone fooled. That's why there was no point in telling anyone how bad she was.

I seem like a terrible person thinking these things at the woman's funeral, but hey. She made my life a living hell.

My mother died when I was too young to remember. I couldn't get much out of my relatives about her death except for the fact that she overdosed. Nila took me in shortly after that and acted like a mother to me, which was what I needed at the time. But it seemed like the older I got, the more her resentment grew. It's like we went from being close to hating each other.

I realized our drift maybe three years after it happened, age fourteen.

"Jaylen get your ass in here, now!" She yelled from her room. She never left out of there, and when she did it was only to beat my ass.

I put my bowl in the sink and proceeded to her room, ready to face whatever she was bout to say.

Nila sat on her queen sized bed in a blue robe and a bonnet. Bills, newspapers and miscellaneous things scattered the master bedroom. "I thought I told you not to bring your dirty ass in the living room. Mud from your damn cleats is all up in the rug. I'mma need you to clean all of that. I'm expecting company. And you also need to buy groceries."

I was mad at the fact that she called me dirty when she lived in here, dirty ass room. How could she even know what the living room looks like if she never leaves her bed? That mud in the living room isn't mud... its rat droppings from her leaving shit everywhere.

I'm the only one who cleans this place, but instead of going off I kept what I thought to myself.

She motioned for me to come closer. "Since you broke come take this money and buy everything on the list." She threw me a bill with change and a fragment of paper with everything she wanted. I dropped two quarters and reached down to pick them up.

"You can't do nothing right. I never shoulda took you in," she punched my shoulder, harder than she ever had. All this anger for what, because I dropped some coins? I was tired of remaining silent, so I spoke up.

"All you do is sit in here and complain. You so damn miserable. You don't even help me with nothing, I'm dependent on myself. You don't have a job, you can't take care of me, you can't even get out of bed. Yet everyone loves you. You sit here and fucking wait for the welfare checks and the pitty money to come in and that's why we live like this. I keep up with shit." I snatched away from her and left the room as she mumbled under her breath.

Since then we never saw eye to eye and argued constantly. She would tell different family members how terrible I was to her and they would believe it. I never got a chance to explain myself. Half of the people here resent me; I'm the son of an addict who "disrespects" his aunt. There was nothing I could really do about the whispers I got from my own blood, so I just lived with it.

I looked forward as they lowered her mahogany casket into the ground. Gospel music played from two speakers as women wailed. If only they knew who she really was. Row by row people got up to throw a flower on her final resting place. I didn't wanna hear them talking about how I didn't pay respects, so I got up too. After tossing a small tulip into the ground, I proceeded to the parking lot.

People gathered in small groups and chatted quietly all while wiping tears. I noticed some point over and stare at me, but I didn't care. I leaned next to my car and thought about my next steps from here. The reception was going to be held at a hall about thirty minutes away from here, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to go.