Will You Stay? (Urban)

9

Domonique

I woke up cradled by Jay the next morning, his arms swallowing my body whole. Light shone through the curtains, lighting up the room. For a boy, his room was cleaner than I expected. Everything looked like it had a space it belonged in: clothes, shoes, neatly organized books. His dresser nor his nightstand had a speck of dust on it. The place was spotless.

I remembered what happened last night and immediately felt embarrassed. I always held things in and the night terrors weren't unusual for me. If there was a lot in my mind without addressing how I felt, the built up emotions often expressed themselves as nightmares. Between putting up with Ashanti, lying to Jaylen, and the whole Trey ordeal, I had a lot going on.

Behind me, Jay tensed up realizing I was no longer asleep. He yawned and rolled out of bed, slipping on a pair of slides. "How you sleep, D?"

He opened a drawer and put on a t shirt to cover his bare chest. I sat up and leaned my head against the bedframe, trying to figure out a way to explain all of this to him. One thing was for sure: I was not going to let him know about what happened yesterday morning. Thinking about what Trey did- or what he was going to do- made my stomach turn.

My place of residence was unavoidable and sooner or later he would have to find out. The question is when and how.

"You got some missed calls and texts last night. Might wanna check them," I followed him out to the living room where my bag sat on the couch. It was Shanti, who left about a dozen more texts telling me to get home as quick as I could. What was waiting for me there?

He assumed the same position we were in last night and patted the space in between his legs for me to sit. I played with his fingers while his arms wrapped around me.

"Domo, wassup with you?" There was a hint of concern in his voice, something I had never heard before. You could hear the smile in his voice when he talked, but never sadness or worry. This was the reason I didn't want to open up to him. Giving my problems to him would just be a burden I didn't want him to have to carry. I could deal with this on my own, right?

I searched for words in my head, thinking of possible lies. "It was a bad dream, that's all. Even the best of us get them," I added a slight chuckle at the end to try and lighten the mood.

Jay wasn't buying it though. "Nah, man. You sneak off every night to go home and you won't tell me where you lay up at. Ain't nothing ever wrong with you, you never share your feelings or no girly shit like that. If it's something wrong you'd tell me right?" He lifted my chin upward, as to make me look at him. I couldn't blame him for being frustrated, I would be too.

"I... I got a lot of shit going on right now. I don't want to bring you in it. You have a goal you need to reach and I want to be here for you. I don't need you worrying about my problems, alright?"

He kissed his teeth in annoyance, making me sit up to face him. "You so damn selfish, D. Stop thinking about what you want just this time. I want to be there for you, I want you to feel like you can come to me. Why the fuck won't you just let me do that?" By now he was standing up pacing around the room.

I never thought of my actions being selfish. I didn't want him to know the hurt and the pain in my heart because it was nothing compared to your family turning your back on you. He had it worse than me.

"Because you don't need to, Jay. You worry bout you and Imma worry bout you. What I got going on don't matter right now." I crossed my arms waiting for a response. This was our first real argument and I couldn't imagine it would be about this. Matter of fact, I couldn't imagine us ever arguing.