~Author's Note~ Important !
If you want a dedication, just ask in a comment. But make sure to vote a lot and comment more too! Thanks babes. :*
By the way, if any of you are confused by the title of this chapter, its just basically saying it can go either way between Worthy, and Unworthy. However you see this chapter to be. :)
This will also be the last update for a little while (only a few weeks) so bear with me please, lovelies. x
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-Third Person POV-
Niall hugs the toilet seat in an attempt to keep himself steady. His eyes are watery and his throat feels like its being tore open, but Niall doesn’t stop. All he can think of is fatfatfatfatfat.
Vomit hits the water and even a little bit of blood comes out too, but Niall doesn’t stop. He shoves the toothbrush deeper until he can’t breathe and removes it, his stomach twisting and compressing but nothing comes out.
He breathe's heavily and lets his back hit the wall. Feeling so horrible, that he's failed, once again.
He repeats the same action after dinner that night.
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Later that night, Niall tosses and turns in his bed, trying so hard to just fall asleep.
Niall thought he knew what pain was, hunger always giving him cramps at night when he couldn’t fall asleep. He thought he knew what hurt meant, jealousy and despair and he thought he already knew.
He knows now, because he can see his chest moving up and down but can’t feel it. Niall’s vision gets blurry with tears, yet he doesn’t feel them running down his face. He only can feel the burning sadness, quickly replaced by cold disappointment.
The worst part is that he has known, all this time, he has known it was like this. That he was like this...
The night falls on him, but he can’t really see it or feel it. His eyes are closed so tightly he can see light behind his eyelids, yet everything around him is darkness.
He once read an article about how some animals go into hibernation when the pain of a wound gets too much to handle, so they shut down while their bodies try to cure themselves. He thinks that’s what’s happening right now.
Niall knows it doesn’t matter where he goes or who he goes with; he can’t stop being sad.
Niall wonders why Louis would ever love him.
He doesn't deserve it.
Something inside him is rotten and wrong, he shouldn’t exist and he doesn’t deserve Louis, Kayla, or the boys. He doesn’t deserve anything good that life throws at him. Puking and starving are just coping mechanisms, things to forget how unworthy of love he is.
Which is what he knew he'd always feel like.
Unworthy.
He ends up crying himself to sleep.
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Louis and Kayla arrive the next day. Niall still doesn't know if Louis was able to come or not. They knocked on Niall's door but didn't get a response. They repeated it and still, nothing.
They opened the door slowly, "Niall?" Kayla said softly as they enter a dark room with the curtains closed.
Louis turned on the light to see Niall under the covers, curled up into a ball, softly sleeping. Kayla was about to wake him before Louis stepped in the way.
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Through The Dark {Niall Horan}
FanfictionNiall Horan has some problems. He fakes smiles all day, then cries himself to sleep at night. He has secrets. Terrible secrets. He doesn't want to be this way anymore. But he's already too far in. He's already lost himself. But the question is, wil...
