Through The Dark {Niall Horan}

Ch. 36 - Eternal Peace (the end)

*Third Person POV*

Niall wished he could've made it through. But he felt too weak. He felt like he deserved to die. But in reality, he really deserved to live. The illness took that from him. Depression stole his life. The saddest part isn't Niall leaving, it's that this horrible illness that not many people take seriously, took his life. It destroyed his mind, his heart, his existence, his being.

Nothing was going right in his life. Yes he had amazing friends, brothers, family, job, etc. But at the same time was it really all it was cracked up to be? Did he really think it could some how be enough to save him from his demons?

It was a Sunday morning. Harry and Liam were making breakfast in the kitchen, Zayn was finishing some paperwork, and Louis was on his phone as usual. It was like any other day it seemed. 

Niall suddenly yelled, "I'm going for a walk!" without waiting from any of the others responses. 

Niall left out of the house in a hurrying pace. The others just thought he needed to clear his head or to get some fresh air. Little did they know.

Niall thought about his life. Everything he accomplished and didn't accomplish. His loved ones, his fans, the entire world of being and living life to the fullest. He wish he could have. More than anything. But the pain and thoughts and mental illness had taken over his entire being. More than he ever could have known.

He thought he could beat it this time. He thought it would get better for once. He tried and tried time and time again to do the right thing and be more than he was months ago. Then why was everything still crumbling around him? Why was nothing working out? Why did it seem like he was a problem in everyone's lives? Why was his life like this? He never got an answer. 

He needed one to make sense of why his life turned out this way and got to the point where there is a thick beige rope tight around his young fragile neck.

He didn't want to feel this way anymore. He figured everyone would move on with their lives and get passed it eventually. Tears and sadness would erupt but it would soon fade as they realize he's not coming back, and to realize he's at peace now. Even if they believed they could have helped save him, It's too late.

Niall felt hopeless, lost, unhelpable. He felt with all the problems he has caused that he wasn't worth fighting for, he wasn't worth saving. He felt like a burden to his family and friends and people who put up with him. Niall was a trainwreck. A soul that got lost somewhere along the way in this cruel world. And no one could change that except for death, Niall believed.

Was he really willing to give up the rest of his life just to escape emotional and mental pain?

To escape the problems he felt like he caused everyone, especially what he put Louis through.

When that rope is around his neck and he's ready to let go, then will he realize if its fate or not.

-continued from last chapter-

Niall proceeds to do what he planned to do. Tie the rope to the tree branch, then around his neck, then stand on the bucket. Making sure everything is in order for it to work to its purpose. He was done within five simple minutes. Making sure the knot was tight and the rope was short as it dangled from the branch.

Niall took a deep breath as tears ran down his face, crying. Realizing what he had become. Who he had become. The life he was living. Yes he was blessed with the boys and band, but it never took away the demons in his head. No matter how happy he felt in the moment, on any given day, he always felt those demons and the sadness deep within that he carried for so so long. He felt like he couldn't hold on any longer.