Skullgirls harem x male reader

Blackmail & Butchery

After the crashed wedding yesterday you got a call.

(Y/N): Hello?

Umbrella (phone): Hello Mister!

(Y/N): Oh, hello Umbrella what a nice surprise. To what do I owe this call?

 Everyone was murmuring behind you as you talked.

Parasoul (phone): Umbrella, who are you talking to?

Umbrella (phone): It's (Y/N), that guy you think is handsome.

Luckily for her you didn't hear that last part since you were telling the others to quiet down.

(Y/N): Hello?

Parasoul: (Y/N).

(Y/N): Your highness. I assume you've been in good health.

Parasoul: I have been. You heard what she said?

(Y/N): No I didn't, what are you talking about?

Parasoul: Nothing.

(Y/N): I assume this isn't a social call.

Parasoul: Actually, it is.

(Y/N): Oh, that's nice.

You got tired after a few minutes of talking with her. Then something triggered the trap you'd rigged at the front door.

(Y/N): I'm sorry, I need to go.

She was going to say something, but you hung up before she could finish. You grabbed your katana and went down to the lobby. Before you walked out the door you pointed at Filia, Valentine, and Haku.

(Y/N): Stay here. If I don't come back within two days, get help.

You slowly made your way down to the lobby with your sword in hand. You looked at the net trap that had been sprung and your eyes widened as you saw it was ripped to shreds. Then you heard a noise behind you.

(Y/N): Who's there?

You turned around to block another sword aimed at your arm only now did you get a good look at your attacker, it was a skeletal cat.

(Y/N): Who are you?

????: Darling, I'm surprised you don't remember me.

(Y/N): Noel?

The figure returned to what looked like a sarcophagus and turned into someone you recognized. You held the Katana with both hands and stood as far from Eliza as you could.

(Y/N): What could you possibly want from me?

You dodged a giant crocodile head she made from her blood.

Eliza: Someone knows something about me that I'd rather not be known by any. For them to not say anything I have to bring you to them.

Her skeleton rushed forward and attacked you with a flurry of stabs. As the two of you were trading blows, and as you began to get the upper hand you felt a punch to the back of your head. Before you had a chance to get up you were tied up with a blood rope and stuffed into a sack. You struggled to get out as you felt the bag get thrown into a trunk, and you would know what that feels like.

(Y/N): I'm going to make sure you regret this!

Eliza sat in the back seat listening to everything you were screaming as the limo drove away. After a while she closed her eyes and a solitary tear ran down her cheek. After a while they arrived at their destination, Medici tower. The screaming bag was carried through the tower and into the elevator.

Eliza: Here's what you asked for Lorenzo.

Albus opened the bag and looked into it.

Albus: Uh, boss he's not in here.

He pulled out a cymbal monkey with a tape recorder taped to it with a note saying "play me". He pressed the button.

(Y/N) (tape recorder): SURPRISE BITCHES! YOU THOUGHT I'D BE IN THE BAG, BUT INSTEAD IT WAS THIS STUPID MONKEY! Perfect representation of your intelligence Lorenzo. Now if you look in your desk you'll find some pictures, and a distinct lack of some very important documents. And before you lie to her, they're the ones you had about Eliza's blood drives. And if you're wondering how I did all this I have one word, flashbang. Adieu.

Eliza: Looks like I have no reason to stay here.

(Y/N) (tape recorder): This tape will self destruct in 10 seconds.

Albus looked at the tape player in his hand with surprise all over his face before throwing it out the window. Meanwhile in an alley you were snickering to yourself as you burned some papers in a barrel.

(Y/N): Happy to help people, no matter how sinister their secrets may seem.

~(cue Roundabout)~