Lost

Chapter 7

Kat's POV

“Where were you?”

Oh shit, what time is it?

I look to the phone it’s 9.30 pm.

Well it’s not too late.

“Can you answer me? Where the hell were you?”

Now I can recognize, it’s Nicole.

“Out.” I answer her.

“Out? Is that all you have to say?” She screams.

“Well calm down. What is the problem?” I ask her.

“You disappeared, at the studio we joined the crowd and when I noticed I didn’t know where you were.”

“Sorry, but I just left. I said I was going to walk back home, maybe you didn’t listen.” I am lying to her.

“No, I didn’t. So I ask again where were you?”

I don’t know what to answer, so I come up with the first thing that crosses my mind.

“I was hungry so I left you to grab some food.” I lie again.

What is wrong with me?

I never lie, I hate lies!

“Oh and that food came with a car?” She asks with an ironic tone.

Shit she saw, but something tells me that she didn’t see Niall.

“Where are your parents?” I try to change the subject.

“They went out to some dinner, lucky you they are not here yet.” She says with a sarcastic smile.

 Oh gosh why do I have to talk to her?

Can we just ignore each other?

“Be careful K, you don’t want my parents to know.” She says smiling again.

K? Really? She called me K?

I turn my back to her and go straight to my room.

Nothing good will happen between me and her, I can sense that.

Niall’s POV

After leaving Kat I went straight to my house.

I live alone so my house is always empty and that is why I try to spend all the time out.

Being alone in this big house makes me sad, makes me think about everything that I need and everything that I don’t have.

So I try to avoid this house because it reminds me how empty my life is.

I rather not feel anything than feel pain or sadness.

And that is how my life is, I try to fill myself with everything I can so I won’t think about how empty I am.

It doesn’t make sense.

And the same happens with the girls I meet.

Everytime I get close to a girl and start to sense any type of feelings I rewind and comeback to the beginning, I don’t want to be hurt, so I want to wait for the “one”.

And I know for sure all the girls I had feelings for weren’t the “ones”. So that is why I push them away.

But this time I don’t know.

I want to get away from this but I can’t.

Since the first day I met her I knew that something was different.

This sounds so cliché in my head, but she is not like the other girls.

She seems so weak, so vulnerable and I know she needs me.

But I need her too, she was just for a couple hours in this house and although she was having a panic attack with her I felt like I was home, like I was at the right place and I never felt that before and I’ve lived here for 2 years now.

I know this is not going to end up well, this is dangerous.

She clearly has been through a lot, she has some dark demons but somehow I can’t walk away.

I can’t ignore the way she makes me feel, when she laughs at me or with me.

What am I thinking? I have known her for like what? 3 weeks now?

But I don’t know.

When I met her at the airport, it was so strange but I loved it.

It was like those lame movies, she just bumped into me.

And then at the park and I gave her tickets.

And when I sang to her at the concert it felt so right.

And when I find her walking in the rain.

And when I saw those guys yesterday, all I wanted to do was punch all of them. Clearly I didn’t do that because I would end up at the hospital.

And when she was here crying, I didn’t know what to do and I just wanted to protect her and hug her. I wanted to save her.

And today, I felt like she can make my life more real and normal. She can make things easier.

Am I really remembering all the moments I spent with her?

I must be sick.

I think I am starting having feelings for her.

But now I don’t know what to do.

I don’t have her phone or anything, I just know where she lives

And if I want to talk with her, I can’t just show up there.

Maybe I should stay out of this, having no contact is my opportunity to forget, but I can’t.

No, this time nothing can pull me away.

I know that if I give up I won’t be right.

My life will become worse if I try to be away from her.

My life is so complicated, I don’t want her in the middle of it.

I don’t want her to suffer.

But I am selfish, I want her to stay with me knowing that it won’t be easy.

What am I saying?

I am going crazy.

Cheez Niall you have known her for 3 weeks, stop making movies.

I have to go sleep, going to have a long day tomorrow.

I want these thoughts to get out of my head.

This is what I was talking about.

Not feeling anything is better because you don’t think. But I am tired of feeling empty.

I need to feel something, something real. I want to feel loved.