Theory [TOM HOLLAND]

FOUR

the golden trio
[3 participants]

plant mom
ian please tell sajan to stop setting fires it creates an unstable learning environment

god
i don't control my roommate

plant mom
if he does i won't play the guitar for a week

god
you know what actually i think he can be reasoned with

melton john
i think it was a huge mistake to let everyone pick their own names in this gc

god
i like them

plant mom
they reflect our true selves

melton john
my true self isn't a 90 year old man who plays piano and wears an earring

plant mom
but you picked your name

melton john
yeah because it's comedic gold not because i can feel the love tonight

plant mom
well maybe your conscious is trying to tell you something

melton john
do you mean my conscience?

god
no you don't have one of those

god
this is just some more of kara's spiritual bullcorn

plant mom
your conscious mel

plant mom
your sense of self

plant mom
your soul

god
mel doesn't have one of those either

melton john
i'm not saying i'm going to smack your ass with a plank of wood ian

melton john
but there is a plank of wood outside your door

melton john
and you have an ass

god
this is why sajan says he gets no sleep at night knowing you live in the room across from us

melton john
um gross is that a sexual thing

god
no he's just genuinely afraid of you

melton john
aw never mind that's really sweet of him

plant mom
anyway i'm making dinner tonight if you guys want to eat in the lounge area instead of the dining hall

god
depends what you're making

melton john
i'm actually eating dinner at june's tonight but i agree with ian

melton john
i don't trust you

plant mom
what why??

god
remember when you got into indian food and you made that vegetarian vindaloo

melton john
it tasted like it was seasoned with molten lava

god
i couldn't see out of my right eye for a week

melton john
my throat felt like chernobyl

god
even the water tasted spicy

melton john
i lost half my taste buds

god
definitely took a few years off my lifespan

plant mom
i changed my mind

plant mom
you bastard children can starve

AUTHOR'S NOTE: my berkeley babies are so messy