Theory [TOM HOLLAND]

FIFTY EIGHT

private messages

smelly
hey babe

junebug
hi tom

smelly
what

smelly
how did you know it was me

junebug
mel would never call me babe

junebug
she'd sooner hug you

smelly
well sorry i don't know what's allowed in the cold hearted republic of mel santiago

smelly
also i'll have you know that mel hugged me once

smelly
well she patted me on the back

smelly
well she killed a mosquito on my shoulder

smelly
but still

junebug
sure buddy

junebug
just never call her babe if you don't want to end up like that mosquito

junebug
the only babe mel knows is the 1995 cinematic classic

smelly
never seen it

junebug
it's a quintessential american coming of age story

junebug
it's about a pig raised for slaughter

smelly
naturally

junebug
i mean arjun once called her babe and she didn't talk to him for a week

smelly
but didn't they only date two weeks

junebug
yeah exactly

smelly
i feel like i'm supposed to be shocked but i'm really not

smelly is typing...

smelly
wait how did you know it was me though

junebug
because you're the only person who uses pet names

smelly
i've never called you tessa

junebug
i meant terms of affection you absolute spork

smelly
status update: feelings and ego have both been damaged

junebug
plus mel told me you were hanging out today

smelly
she did?

smelly
she voluntarily admitted to spending time with me?

junebug
yup

smelly
quick is it inappropriate to weep tears of joy in an olive garden

junebug
you took her to olive garden??

smelly
i sense i've made a mistake

smelly
i regret this immediately

junebug
you make millions and you took her to OLIVE GARDEN??