Theory [TOM HOLLAND]

TEN

the golden trio
[3 participants]

plant mom
i've gathered you here today to talk about a deeply troubling issue

god
is this about who's been stealing your keens

god
because your keens are the ugliest shoes i've ever seen they deserve to burn

plant mom
i will find who is stealing my keens and i will pay mel $5 to destroy them

melton john
cool i'm like a prostitute but i get to hurt people

plant mom
but that's not the issue

god
so what's wrong then

plant mom
we're here today to talk about mel's love life

god
what are you talking about mel has no love life

god
the only thing she feels affection for is pudding

melton john
well it's the nectar of the gods

plant mom
mel when's the last time you went on a date

melton john
idk

melton john
a couple months ago the cashier at target and i made really long eye contact while i was buying a toothbrush

melton john
does that count

god
mel's love life is like her major

god
theoretical

melton john
theoretically i could also tear your ears off your head and make them into gnocchi

god
theoretically i might've peed my pants in fear

plant mom
but mel there are plenty of guys who like you

god
she's right i don't understand it but there are

god
it's like a weird kink where having their physical and mental wellbeing threatened turns them on

melton john
well then they're all idiots

melton john
besides i'm too busy to have a boyfriend

melton john
school matters way more to me than any man ever will

god
do you hear how lonely you sound

melton john
i understand that i'm desperately single

melton john
i know i'm going to die alone in a light up christmas sweater surrounded by a menagerie of parrots

melton john
but i'm not going to start dating just because you guys want me to

plant mom
it's not that i want you to start dating

plant mom
it's that i want you to start dating tom holland

god