Thin Skinned [Boy x Boy]

Chapter 5

Horn P.O.V

Cuts had been subtly mentioning children for the past couple of days. I think it's his way of hinting that he wants kids eventually. I think he's just too shy to actually admit it.

I've never mentioned having kids. Some day, when I'm ready, I would like to settle down. I know that being a parent isn't easy, but I would still try my best.

Cuts probably won't express his want directly out of fear that he'll scare me off. Typically, junkies aren't the best with commitment. I've already surprised him plenty of times in our relationship. He really shouldn't expect stereotypes from me anymore.

It's currently Saturday, meaning I don't have work. Cuts is fooling around with something in the kitchen while I'm sitting at the bar. I decide now is as good a time as any.

"Cuts, do you want a baby?"

He was looking in a lower cupboard when I asked. The minute I was done he sat up and smacked the back of his head against the edge of the counter.

"God dammit," he mumbles under his breath.

Cuts often becomes clumsy if he is nervous about answering a question. He fumbles with whatever he was getting in the cupboard; a pot most likely. Whatever it was, it made an awful lot of racket.

"Why do you ask?" he asks, intentionally avoiding answering my previous question.

"You've just been talking about it for a couple of days is all. So, do you?"

He sets the pot on the stove and begins to quickly chop vegetables. I've noticed that he cooks much faster when he's stressed about something. However, I've never seen him chop something so quickly. One wrong move could cost him a finger.

"Of course I would like a family some day," he says after a few moments, "but it just isn't going to happen right now."

"Why not?" I ask, wanting to hear just how much he really wants this.

"First of all, because we live in a studio apartment. No adoption agency will want to give us a child while we live here. I'm in between jobs at the moment as well. We barely make rent sometimes. We physically cannot afford a child right now. And if an adoption agency finds out you smoke pot they'll never let us adopt because it's illegal." He takes a deep breath and crosses his arms, giving up on the vegetables entirely. "We have also never tested our relationship to see its strength around another person. It's always just been us. If we have a baby we're adding another life to our relationship. I honestly don't know if our relationship is mentally strong enough. I don't know if I, myself, am strong enough emotionally or mentally. I would like to have a baby, I truly would, but I just don't think we're at a stable enough point right now."

I quickly realize how much thought Cuts has put into this. He's never been so passionate and sure in a response. He knows what he's talking about.

I want to give him everything he wants if it makes him happy. I can tell how badly he wants this, even through his stress.

"Money isn't as tight as you think, Cuts. We could get a bigger place. I can stop smoking. You're working on getting a job. And I know that you really want this," I tell him.

Cuts sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "You've been dealing again," he mutters sharply, quietly, but purposefully loud enough to be audible.

He picks up the knife and starts chopping vegetables again. He's chopping a red bell pepper at the moment.

"It's been adding up nicely. I promise that I'll stop once I'm out."

He takes the knife and slams it down onto the cutting board out of frustration. "You always make hollow promises about your involvement with drugs!" he finally snaps.

I've never seen him so frustrated. I walk into the kitchen and slowly but carefully unravel his hand from the knife. He doesn't fight me and looks ashamed by his own actions.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to snap. It's just that I'm so worried," he apologizes softly while the tears fall from his eyes. "I'm so scared of losing you."

Cuts throws his arms around me and hugs tight. I hug him just as tight before brushing the tears from his cheeks.

"I promise I'll stop. Once the rest is gone then that's it. I won't buy and I won't sell," I reassure him.

Cuts sniffles and rubs his eyes. The white around his soft grey eyes becoming an irritated red. I run my fingers through his hair and rest my forehead against him.

"I love you so much," I say softly.

"I love you too," he replies in a soft whisper.

Cuts and I rarely fight. Normally when we do we simply stop, collect our thoughts, and talk things out in a calm manner. This time, however, things escalated far too quickly.

"We'll have a child some day," I reassure him.

He sighs and nods. I myself agree that the timing isn't all that well. We should wait a while before we decide any major life decisions. Jumping into something as drastic as having a family in such a short time could easily cause major problems.

"Besides," I say while poking his nose, "you'll make a great dad some day," I tease.

Cuts smiles and hits my arm gently. I smile and hug his waist.

"You really think I'll be a good dad?" he asks.

"Of course I do," I tell him.

Even after our fight, we are still as close as ever. We come out stronger. I know that we'll last for quite a long time. I love him very much and would love to one day have a family with him. Cuts is the only one I've ever pictured spending my life with. I truly hope we last long enough to prove everyone wrong.