Thin Skinned [Boy x Boy]

Chapter 10

Cuts P.O.V

I don't want to go back to the hospital. The doctors had to sedate me just so I would cooperate. I don't know what happens. Everything just starts to go black and fuzzy. My ears ring. My heart rate increases. I can hardly breathe and it feels like my lungs are in a chokehold. I panic.

I can't stand the thought of doctors. All the poking and prodding. The constant testing. The lack of answers. The pointlessness of it all. I can't go through that again. Never again.

I curl up under the covers and cringe just from the thought. I've been sick for three days. I only have four more days to get better before Horn takes me to the doctor.

I've never told him the full story as to why I hate hospitals. It's too painful for me to bear. I would have a panic attack as soon as I got to the worst parts.

The only important things that he needs to know is that I don't want to go back and I don't want to trigger myself into having a panic attack. Even if I am sick by the end of the week, I know he'll be hesitant.

The fact is that I'm putting pressure on myself. I'm never going to get better that way. In fact, I think I'm making myself sicker.

Horn has been calling in sick to avoid going to work. I hate to make him use his sick days on me. He doesn't get sick very often, but I would prefer that he save them for himself.

"You really should go to work," I tell him.

He runs his fingers through my hair gently and feels my forehead for a fever.

"It's fine. You aren't better yet. I'd rather stay here and make sure you're okay," he says softly.

Horn may seem like a tough guy just because of how he is on the outside, but he really is a total sweetheart. I'm glad that I have the privilege of seeing his sweet side. I don't want anyone else to see that side of him and take him away.

"But what if you get sick? You're wasting all your sick days on me."

"If I get sick then I'll suck it up and go. You know you get sick way more often than I do. I'd rather stay here with you anyway," he tells me.

I sigh softly and feel my lips grow into a small smile. Even when I want him to go to work I still want him to stay with me. Unfortunately, he can't be in two places at once.

"How are you feeling today, Baby?" he asks while playing with my hair.

"Better," I say softly, "less nausea," I add.

Vomiting and nausea have been my main symptoms. I probably just have a stomach bug that will pass in a few more days. I just don't want to have to go to the hospital over something like this.

I want to force myself to get better by the end of the week, but that isn't how it works. I can't force myself to get better.

"That's good. You're getting better," he says, giving me a small hope that I won't have to go to the doctor.

Unfortunately, he takes the hope away when he says that if I don't continue to get better that he'll take me there anyway. I know for a fact that Horn would carry me in if he had to. He had to carry me into the hospital because I was weak but also refused to walk in willingly. He'd do it again if he had to.

I sigh and cross my arms across my chest. Nausea comes and goes. I've even eaten a small amount in the last three days. I've mostly been drinking water and resting. I hope to continue to make good progress.

"You know that I can't handle going to the hospital," I remind him softly while huddling up in a blanket.

Horn sighs softly and rubs his face. "I know. I would rather not have it come to that, but if you don't get better then we may have to."

I gnaw on my bottom lip for a few moments. I manage to stop myself before I draw blood. Unfortunately, I am scratching at my arm under the blanket where Horn cannot see me. If he knew I was scratching he would make me stop.

I want to stop once I feel the familiar feeling of blood getting under my fingernails, but I can't make myself stop. I can't stop even when I want to. My condition is very compulsive.

Horn must see the pain in my face because he quickly moves the blanket and sees me scratching at my already bleeding arm.

"Cuts," he says softly while moving my arm.

I tug at my hair softly and sigh. Every few days my condition spirals out of control. I never have a streak for very long. It's frustrating and painful.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," he says softly while removing my hands from my hair.

I sit on the bathroom counter while Horn cleans and bandages my arm. I don't speak at all as he does. I don't want to say anything.

He kisses the top of my head once he's done. I sigh softly and hug him rather tightly. I hate making him have to patch me up. If I could stop myself then he wouldn't have to.

Horn carries me to bed and lays me down. I wrap up in a light blanket and settle myself very close to him. I'm feeling cold and he's always really warm.

"I'm sorry," I apologize softly.

"You don't need to apologize. You can't help it. It happens."

I sigh softly and chew on the inside of my cheek gently. I'll probably make myself bleed if I keep it up.

"I just hate making you have to constantly take care of me," I admit quietly.

"It's fine, Babe. I'm happy to take care of you," he says while ruffling my hair.

Horn really is too good for me. I never thought that I would be with someone as loving and caring as him.