Thin Skinned [Boy x Boy]

Chapter 15

Horn P.O.V

It has been two months since we found out Cuts is pregnant. He seems very happy still. Dr. Ginnings, however, is still very cautious about the entire situation.

I was very hesitant about the situation myself, but the longer time goes on the more I want this. Just seeing Cuts so happy makes me happy. He's going to be a great parent.

Myself, however, I have many doubts about. I lost my parents at a very early age. I was on my own after that. It caused me to be very self-sufficient, but because of that, I'm not sure that I will be able to act as a parent should.

Cuts will tell me that I'll do fine and that every parent makes mistakes, but even then I'm not so sure I will believe him. It's just something that I will have to prove to myself.

The last thing I want to do is be a bad parent. My parents tried their best, but that wasn't enough. Drug dealers and addicts typically don't do well while parenting. I want to do a better job than my parents did to not only prove myself wrong but to make them proud.

Perhaps I'm doubting myself too soon. I practically raised my sister because our parents were never around. She was five years old. If I could handle a five-year-old at the age of thirteen I think I can handle a baby now at the age of twenty-three.

It's been ten years today. I hadn't realized at first. I lost my family on this day, December 24th, 2007. Needless to say, it really put a damper on Christmas. That familiar feeling of joy a child gets in the month of December never came back.

As of now, I am sitting on the balcony of the apartment, smoking a joint to pass the time. Cuts doesn't stop me today. He knows why I'm doing it. I've never been happy on this day.

Even before Cuts and I were a couple I still wouldn't be around today. This is a day that I would spend alone. It always puts me in a bad mood and I don't want anyone else to be a part of that.

A long puff of smoke escapes my nostrils and is carried away by the crisp wind. It's gotten colder than expected. It's not cold enough to snow, but it is rather chilly.

I flick the butt of my joint over the edge of the balcony and sigh. Smoking pot doesn't make me feel better anymore. It used to easily relieve my stress and make me feel like I didn't have a care in the world. Now, all it does is remind me that I'm throwing my life away and upsetting my partner in the process.

Cuts stands in the doorway to the balcony in a cute sweater that goes down to about mid-thigh. He looks particularly adorable in it.

"It's getting chilly, you should come inside and warm up," he says softly.

His offer sounds tempting in my mind. I know he wants me to feel better but that isn't exactly easy today. Although it probably isn't healthy for me to sit around and wallow in self-pity.

Cuts nods toward the living room as a gesture. I get up from where I was sitting and pull him inside with me. His skin has already grown cold in the short amount of time that he's been outside.

"Baby, you're telling me to come in but you've been outside for a minute and you're already freezing," I say with a small laugh.

"My skin is always cold." He lays down on the couch and gestures for me to join him. "I just don't want you to get sick from being out there."

"Because you care?" I ask while laying down with him.

"No," he says with a sly smile, "because you'll get me sick," he adds while trying to stifle a laugh.

I roll my eyes ruffle his hair. "Nice try, Babe."

Cuts smiles and runs his fingers through my hair as I lay my head on his chest. His heart rate is steady and it's a very relaxing rhythm to listen to. He says that I only enjoy listening to it when I'm high which might be true. It sounds much more appealing for some reason.

I'm not too sure how to describe the sound. It's almost like other sounds mix in even when they aren't there. It begins to sound like a relaxing piece of music. It may not make any sense, but I enjoy it.

The apartment is definitely warmer than the balcony, especially when I lay with Cuts. His skin may be cold most of the time, but he always feels warm to me when we lay together. Perhaps I'm the one warming him up.

The longer we lay on the couch the more tired I become. Today is just mentally and emotionally draining for me. I always feel exhausted. Cuts' heartbeat is also lulling me to sleep.

It isn't long before I'm completely asleep. Cuts will either fall asleep with me and we'll wake up together or he'll move me and go do something else while I sleep. I'm not sure which.

He hasn't been doing all that much since we found out he was pregnant. He doesn't want to overwork himself or risk getting sick. Overall, he's pretty paranoid. However, I don't exactly blame him. He has good reasons to be paranoid.

Cuts' pregnancy is already very high-risk. I know he'll do anything in his power to keep from adding any more risks. He's a very cautious person. I don't want anything bad to happen either. We both want this very much.

We get closer and closer to our dreams with every day that passes. We might not be perfect parents, but we'll try our very best. Every family has problems but we'll work through them. We'll make the best of our imperfections.