Thin Skinned [Boy x Boy]

Chapter 21

Cuts P.O.V

I've been thinking about how I want to work in the writing field. It isn't easy. I like to write stories, but in this line of work a lot of what I write would be edited by others and my publishers might want me to change things about my story. That's what I don't like.

When I write I like to think about what happens next. If I'm forced to change something it could ruin the entire story. I like working without restrictions.

Currently, I'm not working for anyone. I want to look into publishing companies that are looking for new material, but that can be very stressing and I know that I don't need any more of that while I'm pregnant.

I would prefer to work because I don't want Horn to be the only one with a stable income. I want to be able to provide for our family as well. Unfortunately, as of now, I know he won't let me work. He's pretty paranoid too.

When a pregnancy exceeds twelve weeks it is generally considered safe from the possibility of a miscarriage. It's still possible, but the chances are significantly lower. I'm not sure of the exact odds in my case. I'm hoping they are low. I don't want to lose this baby.

I'm not sure what I would do if that happened. I would certainly be crushed. I want a child very badly. Part of me was worried that Horn and I would never be able to have a family. It didn't seem likely in my mind.

Not being able to have a family was definitely a major fear that had been boiling in the back of my mind. It had been simmering on the back burner. That's why I was so upset when Horn brought up looking into adoption so suddenly. My feelings had been pent up so long and only then were they finally released.

My skin was, and still is, the biggest issue. It's dangerous to stretch it because of how thin it is, but I'm actually doing rather well. It's able to adjust before getting too serious. Hopefully, the scarring on my abdomen won't cause too many problems.

Self-harm used to be a very big issue with me. My skin was just so easy to injure. I inflicted small cuts on myself anywhere I could reach; mostly my torso to keep them concealed from other people. My regret from doing those horrible things to my body only grows with the more time that passes.

It's very early in the morning; the sun isn't up. I didn't bother checking the time. Horn is still asleep. Unfortunately, I can't seem to fall asleep at all. I also can't drink coffee to keep myself from collapsing into exhaustion.

I'm currently sitting out on the balcony to pass the time. The late-January air is still a bit chilly, so I have a blanket wrapped around me.

The morning is almost dead silent. Most people are still peacefully sleeping during this time. Even the birds seem to be asleep. There's not a sound of the city in the air. It's very relaxing.

A deep sigh escapes my mouth and is slightly visible in the cool air. The morning is so peaceful that I wish every day could be like this. No more hustle and bustle, just peace and quiet. Unfortunately, it can't always be that way.

I sigh softly and stand from the chair I was sitting in. The sun has just started to rise and has filled the dark sky with vibrant colors. Shades of pink and orange shine through the dark clouds of the morning. It's quite beautiful.

After the sunrise, the air begins to grow warmer and I decide to go back inside. I never was one who liked to go in the sun for very long. I burn too easily and quickly. It's rather ridiculous.

I sit down on the couch and lean my head back. Sleeping is still in the back of my mind, but I know that I won't be able to do it. I'm physically exhausted but mentally stir-crazy. My brain wants to do so much and my body had decided to give up entirely. I desperately want sleep.

I lay on the couch to see if that helps me sleep, but it doesn't. I don't know why I can't sleep. I don't normally have sleeping problems. Perhaps it's just something that happens sometimes. I hope it doesn't become a normal thing. I need to rest.

Because I'm so tired, I'm craving coffee. I'm not supposed to drink it because I'm pregnant, but I want to. If anything, I would love just to smell it. A freshly brewed cup of coffee always smells delightful.

I get up and make a pot of coffee. I used to drink a cup in the morning every day. Sometimes a cup in the evening too. I hate giving up something that gives me energy, but this time it's worth it.

I make two cups of coffee. I pour a cup for myself and leave the rest for Horn, whenever he decides to wake up. He finally gets to sleep in and he loves it. He can finally rest.

I sit at the bar with my favorite mug, simply inhaling the essence of one of my favorite drinks. Just being able to have the slight sensation of coffee is relaxing.

Horn finally wakes up and walks to the kitchen while stretching. It's still early in the morning to most, but it's fairly reasonable to get up.

"How long have you been up?" he asks.

"Too long," I reply while putting my head down on the bar.

"Why? Too much coffee?"

"No, I'm not supposed to drink it," I remind him.

"Then why did you make it if you can't drink it?" he asks.

"For the satisfaction," I groan.

Horn rolls his eyes and takes a seat next to me. He leans on the bar and teases my hair gently.

"Rest, Babe."

"It's not that easy," I whine.

He shushes me and continues to play with my hair. Perhaps it really is that easy.