Are You Still There?

Chapter 22

* Chapter 22: Free as a Bird *

John and I arrived to his home. He unlocked the door, let me in first and swiftly followed behind.

"John? Do you want to talk?" I asked softly. I was nervous, this was the first actually devastating thing that happened in the short time we dated. He sat down on the sofa and tugged on his hair instead. "Why?" He whispered. I slowly sat down next to him. "I don't know." He turned to face me, "How? How could it be her? Of all people, why couldn't it be me?" John asked as his voice raised slightly. "Don't say that.." I said shakily.

"No, tell me why it couldn't have been me? No one would've cared, they would've been happier if I were gone instead." John said as he got up and began to pace around the quiet room.

"Because, she would miss you, Mimi would miss you. Paul, George, Pete, Stu would miss you. I would miss you John. Could you imagine me without you, or you without me? My whole world shattered. You were the reason why I actually wanted to stay in Liverpool. You think I would be fine without you?" I said trying to hold my tears back. "You're right, I guess I just need to.. To, I don't know anymore." He said as he sat down and leaned on my shoulder, sobbing.

I never saw this side of John, his pain. I was completely lost on this side. But, I continued to hold him. I let him cry as long as he wanted, because I knew that deep down, he needed this.

After a moment of or two he stopped briefly. "Why would you want to stay and see me cry? I'm pathetic. How could you let me cry?" He asked wiping his tears aways. "Because I love you, pathetic or not. And you need to cry, it's coping." I replied smiling faintly. He placed his lips against mine. I kissed him back with enough passion. It was a soft, gentle kiss, but meaningful. "I love you Lucy, don't ever leave me." He managed to say before letting a tear slide down his face.

I looked at him for moment, still smiling faintly before nodding. "I won't leave you John." He kissed me again and laid down, resting his head on my lap.

******

After about twenty minutes or so, John started to drift off to sleep. I shook him lightly and helped him walk up to his bedroom. I tucked him in, as if he were a small child and kissed his forehead.

"Wait, where are you going?" He asked noticing that I was about to leave. "Come back, please?" He said. I smiled and nodded. He made space for me on the bed, I got in and laid down next to him. "Only for a while though, I have to get back home." I said, he nodded and wrapped him arms around my waist. "I only need a while." He whispered in my ear. He placed his lips against the crook of my neck and drifted to sleep.

I, however, was not asleep. I couldn't help but wrap my mind on the fact that his mother died. Yes, these things happened, but why? Death was a simple thing to me, a transition if you could put it in those terms.

How would this change John? I wondered on that thought, it could show a side of him that wasn't good. It could show a side of pain.

I pushed the thought out of my head and instead took a nap with him.

I think Mimi came in, but soon left after realizing that we still had clothes on. John was sleeping soundly when she walked in, I was still drifting in and out, which must've been the reason as to why I could hear her muffled cries.

I never had this type of stuff happen, someone close loosing the one they loved. It was hard. You had to he careful or else you could break that person with one wrong look, word, even breath.

Especially John. He was depressed. When I shifted my body, he held on tighter. I don't think he was fully asleep after a while since he only held tighter. I couldn't move for almost an hour.

During that time John would be asleep but he'd still cry. I wasn't going to tell him that he was because he'd simply lie and say he wasn't. I guess he needed time.

"Is she really gone?" He asked softly. I was startled at his words. Mainly because I thought he was asleep. "John, she is gone. But she's with you." I turned to face him. He had a quizzical look, as if I made no sense whatsoever. "She's in your heart, when you need her, you'll feel it." He nodded and kissed my forehead. "Thank you for not leaving." I nodded. "I guess, she's just, free.." He said distantly. "As a bird?" I suggested. He smiled faintly, "Free as a bird."

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A/N: sorry for the short/sad/depressing chapter, don't kill me! this wasn't my best but oh well.