Are You Still There?

Chapter 25

* Chapter 25: It Won't Be Long *

I woke up, did my normal routine and left for school. During my walk I felt a brush of someone's arm around me. "Hello." John smiled. "Are you ready for the last week as 3rd year students?" I asked smiling. He nodded. "Yes! I don't want to go to school. Speaking of not being at school, we got a gig." John smiled.
He looked into his pocket a took out a cigarette. He lit it, and breathed it in. "When is it, and where?" I asked. "Well Lucy, it's Friday night at the Cavern." John smiled widely. "Well I'm happy for you! Expect me to scream your name out." I winked. "That's not the only place where you'll be screaming my name out." John raised his eyebrows in that familiar yet comical way.
"Yeah, sure." I laughed as I took his cigarette and inhaled. "Aye! You can't just take my cigarette like that!" John laughed. "Well too bad, we're going to have to put this out." I teased as I pointed at the school now in front of us.
We walked over to Paul, and Stu.
"Where's George?" John asked tightening his grip on my hand. "Oh, um, George is with Alicia. Probably walking around." Stu replied. "Paul also didn't want to be alone, so he dragged me along." He added as he adjusted his thick sunglasses. John and I nodded. "So Paul, did you finally recover from that hangover?" John laughed. "As a matter of fact, yes I did." Paul chuckled. I took my hand away from John since he began to tighten the grip even more, if that were possible. John turned to me confused.
Thankfully, the bell rang before he could ask me in front of Paul and Stu. John and I walked to class quietly, and rather quickly. We sat in our usual spots, and John turned to me, his hands clenched. "Why did you let go of my hand?" John asked. I raised an eyebrow, "Well, why did you tighten your grip?" I shot back. He laughed, but it wasn't his usual laugh.
"Because I could feel you let go." John replied. "John, where is this all coming from?"
Suddenly the teacher intervened, "John, can you answer the question?" A boy whispered in his ear. "Churchill, sir." The man rolled his eyes, "Pay attention."
The bell rang. Instead of leaving the room, as usual, John turned back to me, "Lucy, I just thought you didn't want to show Stu that we were dating that's it." He sighed as he rubbed his temples. I took his hand, "John, I love you, don't think that. Okay?" I was unsure as to why he was automatically thinking this, maybe it was his mothers death.
The day continued as normal, excluding that fact that Stu also sat with us during lunch. "I don't think Georgie is gonna try to loose this girl." Stu laughed. "Maybe she doesn't want to loose him. She's practically got him on a fuckin' leash!" Paul complained.
Paul and George were insanely close friends, so him being gone all the time with Alicia was causing a small strain on their friendship. And Paul did not like that strain. So instead of arguing with George, he decided that hanging out with Stu would be a better option.
"Lucy, would you ever do that to John?" Paul asked. "What? No! He should talk and do whatever he wants to. As long as he doesn't go with someone else." I explained. John chuckled as he lightly placed his lips on my cheek. "Same goes for her." John added. "See, you two are adorable together. You both allow the other one to hang out with their friends. Unlike George who's on a leash." Paul sighed.
Later on in the day, John walked me home. It was quiet. "Well, this is me." I replied. "Yeah. This is you." John chuckled. He suddenly then crashed his lips against mine, molding into a sloppy kiss. His hands rushed towards my hips and pushed me towards him.
After a few minutes, John pulled away, "Can I come in?" John smirked. I shook my head, "John, shouldn't you go home? Mimi should be worried." John sighed, "She won't care, please? You won't regret it." He winked. I smiled, "Alright, come on in then."
John suddenly grinned and kissed me firmly as we entered the empty home.
After what seemed an hour full of things done under bed sheets John left. With just a simple kiss he left.
It was strange. He never gave me such a simple kiss after we did that.
All that passion he used to mold onto his perfect lips, gone. Just like that..

***** John's POV ******

Sometimes I don't regret doing that. Manipulating people to have things my way.
But with Lucy. It was different. How the fuck am I to know how it was different, I just felt it as soon as we started.
I know what I do is wrong but right now, I need to drink. Something was different and I didn't like the feeling. Thankfully, we only had one week left in that hell hole the government calls school. I'm done with it.
I walked around until I arrived to the Cavern. I walked down the steps and inside. My feet wandered directly to the bar. "One pint." I spoke lowly as I held one finger up. The tender nodded and handed me the drink.
Instinctively I chugged it down in seconds. "Another." Once again the same thing happened. And again the tender handed me another.. And another, and another. I kept drinking them, trying to drown out all this pain, and abuse out of my system.
Although, I wasn't the one being abused, I abused her. Lucy. I took advantage of her and she have it to me. Why? Because she loves me, a monster. How can she still be there, with me? Between the time from the accident, I shagged her about three bloody times.
I can't even say that I made love to her. It wasn't love, or lust, nor passion. I just fucked her and didn't even care.
I hated myself for it. I knew where this was going. I knew it since she had the accident. For God's sale I did this when my uncle passed away! How the fuck am I that blind to notice that I'm doing it again?!
I left the Cavern and walked away. I'm not going to Mimi, not now. I took out a cigarette and lit it. After a long drag of it, I exhaled the fumes. I needed it again. I needed someone.
Did I care who? No, probably not. At this point, I'm too drunk to care. Would I want Lucy? Maybe, I don't know.
I shook my head and took another long drag into the cigarette. I walked around Liverpool, not really finding any place to go. Then it came to me. In an instant, without thinking, I walked to the cemetery. My mother was automatically buried there since I told Mimi I didn't want to publish her passing.
I stood there for a moment before falling to my knees and sobbing. Why the hell I began sobbing beats me, but doing it, in that spot, on the ground where no one sees you made sense. My sobs were quiet and low, I laid near her tombstone, trying not to touch it. If I felt it, I knew it was real.
Her, gone. And not being able to come back.
"Why? Why am I monster, Julia? How could you lay there peacefully while I'm here dying?" I whispered.
I knew there'd be no response but I desperately needed her to answer me. "Why the fuck did you leave? Why the fuck did you leave me?!" I raised my voice unintentionally. I pounded my clenched fists onto the ground, not really aiming.
Instead of continuing my little bitch fit, I left. I wiped my eyes aggressively and walked out of the cemetery.
I needed I get out.
I walked to my house, entered and went straight to my room. I looked around, well tried to. I put on my glasses and began to look around again.
My poems.. Where are they? "Mimi where are my poems?!" I yelled. "I threw them out John. They looked like they were crowding around your desk!" She shouted back from downstairs. "You'll regret it when I become famous!" I shot back.
I shrugged and violently shut the lights off. I rubbed my eyes. "Why do I say these things? What's wrong with me? I'm a bloody monster."

***** Lucy's POV *****

I on my pajamas and turned the lights off confused. Why?
Why did John act that way? He never did that before? He acted careless as if all the love that I was putting in was nothing.
Did I soho him off? Was I the reason to his sudden coldness? I got up and aimed myself towards the drawer. I opened the first one, filled with the useless letters. I could see it, that thing I desperately wanted. The moonlight had found the perfect way to let me see it. I reached for it but shook my head.
"No, not tonight. Not now." I whispered desperately trying not to get the item in my hands.
I threw myself on my bed. "Why? Why me? I'm a monster."
I suddenly felt my tears run down onto my pillow.

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A/N: I hope you like this chapter, Secrets are coming soon! maybe a few chapters away 😉