Are You Still There?

Chapter 36

* Chapter 36: Can't Buy Me Love / Woman *

I woke up to see Stu's head laying there on top of my bare chest. My cheeks began to heat up in both temperature and color. I smiled and decided to wake him up by playing with his soft hair. He smiled lazily and woke up. "Good morning. Did you have fun last night?" He winked. I grinned happily and recalled last night. "Yeah, it was fun." I replied.

I remembered most of last night, when we got into the room, not so much, but when we went inside the bedroom, I remembered everything. From who was on top when, to the positions. It was a lot of pleasure coursing through my veins, some that I didn't even know I could reach. I began to smile and felt Stu sit up and kiss me.

"I had fun too. Do you want some breakfast? I bought some food after I moved in. I can make you pancakes." Stu offered. I happily accepted and watched him quickly put his briefs and pants on. "I'll let you get dressed, I'll be in the kitchen." He pecked my lips and walked off.

I went and got dressed quickly, back into the red blouse and black pants. I needed to leave so George and Paul don't realize what we did last night.

When I got out Stu was just serving his own plate, "Oh, just in time." He smiled as he turned the stove off and sat down. I smiled and sat down. "Syrup?" He asked, offering the bottle of the sticky substance. "Yeah, thanks." I took the bottle and poured myself some before handing it back to him.

The whole time we didn't speak, it was awkward. Like a calm before a storm, where it's peaceful, but tense.

"I've got to get going." I spoke as I got up to put the plate next to the sink. Stu stood up, "Let me walk you-" "No, I'm fine I need to think." I replied before he could finish. Stu looked at me, "Just think about my offer, I could make you happier than you ever were with John. I promise that I'll buy you anything that your heart could possibly desire." Stu vowed.

I looked into his eyes that were settling with fear and loss, "What about love?" I asked vaguely. Stu grimaced and kissed my lips. "I'll love you endlessly, hopelessly, and shamelessly."

I grimaced and hugged him. Stu hugged me back and watched me leave swiftly.

Where was John? Was he ok? Did he still want to see me? Does he know that I went to see Stu?

There were so many questions racking around my mind that I couldn't help but thank that the elevator was empty or I would've broken down in front of a perfect stranger. I wiped my tears before anybody could see that they were even formed and left the hotel. I walked back to the hotel where me and the boys were staying at and opened the door to Pete's room, quickly grabbed my things and went to George and Paul's room. I knocked and was surprised to see a tired Paul. "Let me guess, you're crashing with us now?" He smiled. I grimaced, "Sorry.." He shook his head, "Don't be, we love having you around." Paul took my bags and set them inside while he woke George up.

George yawned and fussed until he saw me, "Lucy! Took you long enough, we expected you to come over." I laughed and nodded, "Well, I'm here." I replied as I sat next to him on his bed. "Are you alright? What happened with you and Stu?" George asked. I looked at him and grimaced before tearing up. "Hey, shh, it's alright. You don't have to tell me anything." He spoke as I fell into his arms. "He wants me to stay here with him." I admitted.

Paul looked at me and gasped quietly, "And what did you say?" I shook my head and felt George Shake his head as well. "I didn't reply. He expects me to answer later." Paul sighed. "Well Lucy, I think I might as well give this to you know." Paul added as he handed me a letter. I raised an eyebrow and looked at the handwriting, instantly knowing that it was from John.

I scrambled to open it and read it. I could feel George read off my shoulder, but I didn't care.

It read,

"Lucy,

I can hardly express my mixed emotions and thoughtlessness. After all, I'm forever in your debt, in regards of the passing of Julia.

And I will try to express my inner feelings and thankfulness in this letter.

Please, I hope you can hold me close to your heart since my life will forever be in your hands. I'll never forget how we met, when we met, why we met.

However distant we are, you'll always be close to me.

Please let me explain, I never meant to cause you sorrow or pain, so let me tell you,

I love you.

Let me tell you again, I, John Winston Lennon, am completely in love with you and I am completely bewitched by you. I can not promise you the most expensive jewelry, or cars, but I promise you my love, and I hope that you can do the same for me.

I know that what I did was wrong, I can't deny that. But if that were right, then loving you would be the worst thing I could ever do.

Lucille Michelle Robertson, pain courses through my veins because my love grows and I know that I hurt you.

I am begging for you to take me back.. I've already left for Liverpool, I hope that you'll meet me back here, the boys already know I'm here. They also know where I'll be waiting everyday until you all arrive.

I hope you'll take me back,

Forever yours,

John W. Lennon."

I had to wipe my tears whenI felt George's arms begin to soothe me. "The train leaves tomorrow. He said that we'd have to go by train instead. That's how we'll meet him." George explained. "What about Pete?" I asked. "Pete? He left, when George asked that Ringo fellow to join us, John accepted within a heartbeat." The boy with arched eyebrows answered. I lightly smiled, "How'd he get in? Did he pass an audition?" I asked. "No actually, I was talking to John after it happened, he told me that he remembered when you two went to the Cavern and saw him perform, and you said that you thought Ringo was a good drummer. So, he let 'em in." Paul explained.

I simply nodded, "I have to go.. outside. I need a smoke." The boys nodded, "The balcony is that way-" I shook my head, "I'm gonna go take a walk instead. Clear my mind." They shrugged and allowed me to go.

I went to my suitcase and grabbed that little plastic bag that I regretted to bring and scurried out the room..

***********

I was sitting on a park bench again when I lit the drugs. I took a long drag and sighed. I didn't want to do, hell, I didn't want to choose.

Stu or John?

Bass or Guitar?

Hamburg or Liverpool?

Yin or Yang?

It was asking if I wanted chocolate or vanilla. No, scratch that, white or black. It seemed so simple yet it was so complex.

I let the drugs slip my mind away before sighing again.

I saw Stu and John. In front of me, one fading gradually, yelling at me for choosing the other, I didn't want to give that one up. I made the mistake, I choose the wrong one. If my throat hadn't felt a familiar lump in itself, I would've screamed.

My high had decided the one I choose. Drugs actually helped me. They gave me the right decision, and with that, I smashed the blunt and threw my entire stash away, including the lighter.

"Goodbye, Mary Jane." I whispered to the joints as I covered it with dirt.

Since I didn't smoke enough of it, I didn't get as high. It was good knowing that I'm quitting, it wasn't going to be easy, but for the one I chose to be with, meant everything...