Gang Leaders Girl is Back In Town

Back in town// Throw themselves from great heights.

Back in town// Throw themselves from great heights.

"There's not much to it." I said as I placed my duffel bag into the back of my trunk.

"If you liked each other so much, why'd you break up?" Stephan asked me once again. He's suddenly taken an interest in Asher and I's past relationship since he found out I was doing a job for him. He gets extremely jealous when I even talk about other guys. We've hooked up a few times in the past but stopped when he went out on a date with a girl, it didn't work out but we never really talked about us since then.

"Because, Stephan. We thought we were each other's safe haven, a secure hiding spot, providing shelter in a storm, without considering that it is always calm in the eye of a tornado." I threw my hands up in annoyance before slamming the trunk shut.

"Did you love him?"

The question caught me off guard. Did I love him?

"Let's just go." I mumbled before ignoring his gaze and climbing into the drivers seat.

"Wait- is that where you got that old ratty sweatshirt?" His eyes widened in realization at the black torn, oversized hoodie I was wearing currently.

Yes. "No, what the fuck, Stephan? Drop it. It's not like I'm going to New York solely to fuck the father of my children." I scowled and drove off.

The kids didn't think anything of my words as they talked amongst themselves. I'll never get over how adorable and sweet their voices are, they both have an English accent, just like Stephan and Carlos. I'm not surprised, they're always around Londoners, the only two American people they're around is Christian and I.

It took about an hour to drive to the airport, and another two hours to get boarded onto our flight. It's two am here and eight pm there, so when we arrive it will be early in the morning. This way the time zone won't mess with the kids sleep schedule.

I yawned and leaned against my seat before slipping in earphones.

My mind drifted off to the destination. New York. I can't believe I'm actually going back, it's going to be so hectic. Before I left, my mom and sisters were convinced I was pregnant, but I never gave them any updates so they must've assumed I wasn't. It also drifted to the thought of Jude and Rhiannon, I mean, how are they going to react to the news that I'm a mother?

They're both going to know who the father is, without a doubt. Are they going to be mad?

The entire time I've been in London, every time anyone asked about Asher, I didn't know what to say. To this day, I still don't. When people ask, "do you miss him?" I reply with a "no." No, I don't miss him. But I miss the person that I fell in love with, not the person that he became to be. I think some people believe that you'll always miss someone because they were the best thing that ever happened to you. And they are wrong. That guy that I fell in love once is most likely an entirely different person now. Hell, he probably has a wife and kids of his own. I don't know why I kept holding on to the idea of him, thinking that he would change - I had hope for a while. But the truth is a person can only hold onto something for so long before giving up. The best way to move on is to accept that they didn't appreciate everything you've ever done for them. So do I miss him? Yes, I still miss loving the person that he used to be. Do I love him still? I don't think so.

The one person that has me confused right now is Stephan. I can't figure out how I feel about him. And it's really pissing me off.

I definitely have some sort of romantic feelings for him, but it's nothing compared to what it was four years ago. I knew what I felt when Asher smiled at me. He smiled like a sunrise as I watched, and it wasn't love at first sight, because that's a myth told to children. A tale to lull them into a false sense of security, to convince them love's a safe, straightforward thing. Easy to see, simple to hold. So no, it was not love at first sight, but it was something. My heart swelled, or leaped, or crashed, or whatever it is that hearts do as they prepare to throw themselves from great heights. And I remember thinking to myself, 'I'm absolutely fucked.' I'd seen enough tragedies to recognise one in the making.