b&tb | knj [✔️]

12/09/17 [special]

On the 12th of September, 1994, in Ilsan, South Korea, a futuristic and wonderful leader was born. One that would be the aid to people's suicidal thoughts, depression, etc. Speaking from first-hand experience, I truly believe that God seriously wanted me to find myself again, hens he sent this man alongside six other angels into my life to remind me, 'hey, Sof! Don't give up, baby, God loves you a lot and so do we! Fighting!. I am eternally grateful and have never picked up a blade ever since.

Truth be told, I have never fallen for someone as hard as I fell for you. Honestly, I don't think I've ever loved at all. It's really difficult to explain because I never take relationships that seriously, which should explain why some call me a playgirl. But take it from my perspective, I think I'm in love, and the other person has feelings for me too. We get together, and then somehow my so-called 'feelings' for that person just magically evaporates. So to avoid any major heart-breaks, I quickly end things thinking it'll be less painful for them. Alas, not everyone sees it that way.

With you, however, I can never look at any girl or guy as anything more than just friends. It's like, you've stolen my heart and just REFUSE to return it. Pretty annoying, but I guess I'll just have to let you keep it. 

I adore and idolize everything and every aspect of you. Some people might think I'm doing this to get attention, to "prove how much I love you". That's just messed up, because no amount of words, materialistic gifts or emotional support can prove just how huge my love for you is. I would jump off a cliff, drown and burn to death in a sea of acid water, take a bullet to the heart and head a thousand times at one go, anything. But that still wouldn't be enough. I wake up in the morning thinking of you, I go to sleep at night, my last actions kissing the hundreds of images of you plastered all over my wall, being the first and last thing I see on a daily basis.

You aren't just my ultimate bias, baby. You're my everything. My happiness, my sadness, my source of any emotion at all, my love, the light of my life, my soulmate, my only earthly attachment, my Romeo, etc. You calm me down in ways nobody in the world can, not my parents, not my best friends, not even myself ; youre the reason I havent already gone into self-destruct mode and my dad says he owes you for that one. It upsets me because there are some people out there – who truly deserve to rot in hell, in my opinion – really don't understand or appreciate how goddamn amazing you are, even with all the bullsh*t you've put up with. It's truly a blessing from God, just how strong you are. It breaks me to imagine you smiling and putting up a joyful act on camera, and breaking down into a million pieces off camera. I really hope any happiness you show on camera is exactly how you are off of it. 

Every part of you is literally apart of my 'perfect guy' checklist. From your natural midnight-black hair all the way to your beautiful and adorable toes, ankles, heels and toenails. Your fingers, ah, oh so delicate and detailed, I just want to interlace mine and yours and never loosen my grip. Your fingers are so small and caressable, I just can't. I absolutely love your thick and naturally luscious lips, so pure and angelic and yet, so sedusive the- !!! Your eyes, baby, are always shining ; I could stare into them everyday and continuously ask myself whether you're truly human or an angel. Your pupils are so starry and dreamy, I would willingly drown myself in them.

And YOUR NOSE!! Is just like the most important creation in the history of noses/nares habent/鼻子/鼻/코, well you get the point. It's the perfect and exact amount of pointiness, sharpness, tone, highlight (natural) and beauty. Don't even get me started with your flawless eyebrows because every time I see them, my heart flutters, quite literally. I keep inching closer to getting an asthma attack again whenever I see you bite your breath-taking lips and then raise those beautifully shaped eyebrows. That sexy smirk, yes, melts my heart with glee. 

My love, your dimples deserve a mini paragraph all to itself. They're just as deep as the sh*t that goes on inside my head, so I can relate on a psychological and spiritual level. I don't know why but your dimples remind me of a field full of healthy and beautiful sunflowers. Strange, but whatever. I guess it's just what I want you to feel and think of yourself, healthy, beautiful and mostly, important. 

Your happiness is number two in the top three of my priority list. Your smile can turn my tears of sadness into tears of happiness. Something about you, Kim Namjoon, changed me. From a depressed and suicidal little girl to a strong, happy young lady who's constantly growing even more confident than she was the day before. Thank you. Have a blessed birthday my baby, and please never ever change yourself for the sake of others. "I wish I could love myself", loving yourself takes time my precious, don't rush it. Bangtan, ARMY, your family and loved ones will try everything we can to help you love yourself. Until then, stay true to yourself and never take other people's opinions to heart. It's hard, I know, but surrounding yourself with those who love you the most will most definitely help with that.

I love you so much, Joon, and once again, have the best most incredible birthday ever. Treat yourself, spend money on yourself and don't worry about it because you deserve it, my love.

Yours truly and forever,
Nursofea Ra'isah, one of those whose lives you've saved.