b&tb | knj [✔️]

24 ; audio tapes

[tale as old as time]

—

180101
hi, Joon.
it's new years! and you're not here with me.
i think the only thing that kept me going was the thought of you.

i kept imagining you next to me. that's probably the only way i managed to function like a real person.

i feel like it's only a matter of time before i lose my sanity completely. hopefully i'm taking up just as much of your thoughts as you are taking up mine?

maybe i'm asking for too much. there are most likely going to be other girls in your new school who are so much better than me. i know you said you'll always love me, but it's a tad bit hard not to be insecure about it.

the girls in Seoul are all very beautiful. i'm nothing much. i won't be surprised if in the end our love story ends up being one sided.

even if you do end up falling in love with someone else, though it would break my heart, i would accept it. i never really thought much of myself anyway, so i think i'd be okay if you left me.

you are my whole world. my oxygen, my lifeline. i don't think i can function without a memory of you.

i think i'm going to keep making these audio tapes because it seems to be the only way i'm able to commune with you without feeling like a madwoman who talks to herself.

i hope you enjoy your boarding school. i'll text you everyday! i'll remind you to stay hydrated and eat a balanced diet so you don't get malnutrition. it would be awful if you got sick over there. after all, i only want the best for you.

please look after yourself. i really love you so much.

love, Y/N, your illegirl.

— end tape.

I sighed and turned off the voice recorder.

Namjoon, please take care of yourself.

Even if I don't take care of myself, please always watch your health and wellbeing.

Because I don't think I can handle this pain any longer.