Beta Mates

Chapter 19

Emitt's P.O.V

I'm going to kill myself.

I'm going to open the window, jump out and kill myself.

I don't even dare to look at Beckett who was now seated besides me, a space filled with vibrators and dildos separating us. I've had so many fantasies in my life with all these things in the same room including Beckett but just not in this way, never in a million years would I have thought that Beckett would catch me masterbating.

"AGHHHH!" I scream in frustration as I stand up making Beckett immediately look at me. He was blushing, the embarrassment he felt wasn't even close to what my heart was dealing with. "You must think I'm a freak now." I say laughing like a psychopath as I grabbed my hair. "Finding me on a bed filled with sex toys like a pervert, masterbating away too busy to even hear you coming up the stairs. Yeah well, I guess I'm pretty fucked up. You probably want to break up with me right? Who wants to date a sex crazed maniac who masterbates with a dildo up their ass. No one. Who lies to you to come here and fuck myself? Yeah well it's not my fault I'm horny all the time and I just want to have you mount me but you haven't and it's been two months and I'm dying over here. But it's okay, so whatever. Fuck I'm rambling. I'm going to jump out that window. Please kill me!" I shout finally before dropping into a ball and hugging my knees as I pant heavily.

Beckett watches me with red cheeks that just made me feel even worse as he scratched his head uncomfortably. He doesn't say anything for a long time as he just looks at me, thinking probably about the best way to break up with me.
After what feels like an eternity, he hesitantly picks up one of the new vibrators as he examines it carefully before looking at me.

"So, umm, you're into this kind of stuff?" He asks gently as I look at him slightly perplexed.

"Yeah." I mumble knowing I might as well tell the truth, there was absolutely no way I was getting out of this one. "I know I'm weird you don't have to rub it in."

"You like the pain or something?" He questions uncomfortably as he picks up the leather whip I bought on a whim.

"No." I say standing as I take it away from him before I stroke it gently. "I'm not a masochist." I state as he looks at me expectantly for an answer. "I just like trying new things, I'm open to stuff."

"So all this...." He questions referring to the bed of sex toys.

"Experimental, for the most part. Don't knock it til you try it." I joke lamely as I chuckle to myself before the room is once again filled with uncomfortable silence as I throw the whip back down on the bed. He doesn't say anything and neither do I, afraid that the wrong words might send him running, which I thought he would've a long time ago.

"And you want me to use these on you?" He asks steadily as he tries to wrap his head around my sexual interests that have unfortunately been brought to light.

"That'd be the dream." I say nervously as I play with my hands behind my back. "I know this is all a lot and I don't blame you if you ran, but just please don't tell anyone."

"I'm not leaving Emitt." He says standing suddenly, his body moving to me until he was easily hovering over me. "And I'm not going to break up with you because of this."

"Why?!"

"Do you want me to break up with you?" He says with a light chuckle as he  raises an eyebrow, I shake my head no quickly. "I'm not ending what we have because you like to stuff like this."