Beta Mates

Chapter 40

Emitt's P.O.V

He hates me.

He hates me so much.

I'm a parasite to him.
A painful memory.
A dangerous past lover.
A reminder.

I'm a walking nightmare.

I scream loudly in frustration as I stood alone in the woods next to a dead deer. Beckett being long gone.
I shouldn't have followed him.
But I had to. Not only to see if what I'd heard was true, but just to be near him.

I missed him.
God I missed him so much.

I broke the bond. I know.
I deserved this. I was the one who broke us apart but I didn't regret it.
The me at the time needed to, the me now wished I wasn't so haste.
I lived with relentless agony and grief, though different from his, I was in pain too. Even though it was clear that my absence broke Beckett over the years, his actions destroyed me.

I hated living. Breathing.
I hated my entire existence.
I hated Beckett.
I hated that I fell for him. That I loved him blindly and that I continued to mourn the loss of our love even after our bond was broken.

I wanted to die.
Life wasn't worth living. The pain wasn't worth living for.

Him denying me made me deny myself.
Made me hate myself, to the point where I didn't want myself.

I probably would've ended it all, the suffering and daily destruction, but there was Amelia.
An innocent thing in our damnation, I didn't want to put out her light before it even got the chance to shine.

So I stayed through it.
The tormenting heartbreak, loveless life and hollow soul.
I did it for her.

And him....
why him?

I didn't understand.
I didn't understand why I wanted to be near him so much. Why my eyes always found his slouched shoulders in a crowd or why my legs always led me to his front door.
I didn't understand why I missed him. His kisses that sent my skin aflame, his loving words he'd gently whisper into my ears at night or the simple way he'd look at me, as if I were precious.

I didn't get why I still loved him.

After all we'd been through, all the time that passed, all the sleepless nights and days filled with tears. After all the love and joy, pain and agony. Ways he broke me and I him, after it all, I couldn't help the fact that I was still in love with Beckett Stone.

And what a fool I was for doing so......

.......when he hated me

I walk back to the pack house with my mind a mess and my face wet with tears.

I hurt him, that hurts me.

I ignore the stares I receive as I drag my feet along the concrete road that was a dirt road a couple years back, no pebbles for me to kick now as I hung my head in shame. Some people stared because of the tears, the majority because I was the wolf who seemingly rose from the dead.

The one everyone had forgotten.

Heading inside the house, I head straight for the Alpha Suite to get Amelia since I left her with Julian.
I had promised myself to never leave her with anyone, especially after what Joseph did, but I trusted Julian since he was one of my oldest friends. There was also the fact that my mind had a way of going blank when I saw Beckett and I found myself running after him despite the arrows that shot through my heart from doing so.