Beta Mates

Chapter 41

Beckett's P.O.V

Today would be a good day.

I let out a breath as I looked at my reflection through my mirror that desperately needed a polish. I'd already done my morning run, I ate easy game and I showered. Standing with a towel around my waist, I looked at myself with a weak smile.

Today will be better.

After saying the things I'd kept locked in my heart for so many years, sharing my pain and regret, being honest with the cause.

I felt better.
Much better.

Alive.

I woke up today.
Sign of change.

I never sleep. The only rest I get is when my body reaches a certain point of exhaustion where it simply gives up. But every night for the most part, I lay on the left side of my large king sized bed and I wait for dawn to arise.
On the rare occasions that I did sleep, they'd be filled with nightmares. Ones that haunted me and taunted me. Ones of future's past.

Last night I slept.
Not a single night terror. Not a bead of sweat running down my face or haunting images of a tear stained face. Just peace.
Simple, whole hearted peace.

I felt good.

I get dressed quickly before heading downstairs. I pour out Thing's food and begin whizzing around my abandoned kitchen, trying to clean it to the best of my abilities for me to be able to feed my daughter when she was around, which was a lot now.

Emitt and I had formed a simple relationship between one another since our conversation on my back patio. That night mended a split thread from the shredded cloth that was us, we weren't friends or lovers, we were mending. Or at least trying to.

Trying to fix a broken bridge from the ruins we'd once left behind. I wanted to try. Even though I knew I still loved him and that it was one sided, I wanted to try to form some sort of relationship with him.

Even if it was a platonic one.

I told myself it was better for Amelia, which it was, but I truly wanted it for us. Life had morphed us into completely different beings but for some reason through all the darkness that clogged my heart, a piece of me still bubbled with excitement when I saw him and soared when he smiled.

A piece of me still felt our bond, though I knew it was long gone, a piece of me still breathed alongside a piece of him.

You're zoning out again - Tobias warns making me snap out of the trance that my thoughts had led me to and towards my dirty cabinets instead. I start cleaning again.

I'm just distracted

Yeah, no shit - He replies rudely making me frown but I don't comment. He'd barely spoken to me after what happened with Emitt, he blamed me for his departure as it also led to him and Chris' separation. Ever since he returned, he's been talking again. Ruder than I remembered, but still Tobias. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to b-

It's fine

I miss him - He mumbles quietly after some time.

I'm sorry- I say halting my movements as sadness flooded my body.

Me too - He whispers before fading away without a trace.