Dan Howell Smuts & Imagines

Since I've Met You

1461 Words
(It's a sad one, so be ready for the feels.)

Since I've met you, the world freezes.
Time stops.
It's beautiful, really.

Since I've met you, I've started to notice your looks more.
I mean, I've noticed how gorgeous you are before, but not in this way.
Like the way your brown hair is no longer straightened and neatly placed on your head, but now curly and adorably set along your features.
It's more like yourself, you know.
Your dark chestnut eyes that are sprinkled with hazel and gold like a fairy blessed you with droplets of magic.
Your smile that makes my heart race. Oh that smile..
Your dimples grace your cheeks as you laugh that bubbly giggle that causes me and everyone else to smile as well.

Since I've met you, my life has been better. It's been incredibly wonderful.
I mean, Phil is a great best friend, but we all know you come first.
I smile more.
I laugh more.
I live more.

But..

Since I've met you, I hurt more.
I cry more.
I feel more.
I fell in love, and I don't think you realize it.
Everyone else does. Louise and Zoe definitely know. They talk to me and encourage me to let out my feelings and confess my true heart's desires to you..

But I can't.

Since I've met you, I've been your best friend from the beginning. We did everything together, told everything to each other, and were there for each other.
For everything.
Which isn't a great idea, because I had to constantly sit with you as tears streamed down that pretty face of yours, your sobs filling my ears as you strain to tell me what happened.
Now, I loved helping you when you had an existential crisis or you were crying over something that happened..

But it hurt me worse when it was over another girl.

Late at night I would hear a knock on my door, or I would be over at your place hanging out with Phil.
If it was at my place, I would get up, go to the door, and open it, revealing a disheveled and teary-eyed man.
Instantly, you would throw yourself in my arms and the sobbing would begin.

And it was over a girl, or the same girl you'd come crying to me about over and over again because she either hurt you or cheated on you for the millionth time.

It was repetition.
It was schedule.
And it's torture.

The trillionths of times I've told you,
'Just break up with her, she doesn't deserve you. You don't deserve this. You deserve much better.'
But it went in one ear and out the next.

I love you, Dan.
The crying I do is almost more than you do when you're in my arms.
But I don't cry in your arms, like you do mine.
I cry alone in my cold dark room.
The only light illuminating is from my phone as I get texts and missed calls from you and our other friends.

And that's where I am now.
Laying almost lifeless on my bed in my dull abandoned room, thinking about you and everything I love..
Then it turns to sadness.

*knock knock*

I flinch at the common sound.
I haven't heard it since last week, when the cycle was once again done.
I get up slowly, prying myself from the warmth and comfort of me bed.
I walk down my dark hall, finally reaching the lounge. I look over at the couch, remembering and reliving all the times we sat there.
It's always either us laughing and watching anime, or crying and me holding you.
I don't know whether to love or hate that couch and the memories that it holds.
I rip my stare off of the couch and continue my long and dreaded walk to the front door.
I sniffle and wipe the tear stains away.
I turn the handle and open the door, revealing a man and a woman.

Dan and his girlfriend, Alexa.
The one he's cried countless of times to me about.
The one he's told me has hurt him and cheated on him countless of times.
The one that I hate.
The one that I'm jealous of.
The one that I envy.

"Hey Y/N!" Dan says cheerfully.
"You haven't been answering your phone so I came to check up on you. You worried me, but I was hanging out with Alexa, so she joined me, if that's okay." He smiles pitifully because he knows.
He knows I hate her.
He knows I despise her.
But he doesn't know I'm jealous of her.
He doesn't know I envy her.

"Yeah, maybe you shouldn't worry his like that." Alexa hisses at me.
I look down at my bare feet, looking at my pajama shorts and my black teeshirt. My hair was in a messy bun and my face was a mess from all the crying-- no, let me restate that.
I'm a mess. Everything about me is a mess. My life, my home, and me.

"Y/N?" Dan asks softly in a worried tone. He pulls his arm that was wrapped around Alexa and tries to grasp my shoulder, but I flinch and move away from him.
He stared at me with shock and worry.

"I'm fine, Dan. I'm sorry I worried you. I'm sorry to step in between you guys' time. I'm sorry for being a mess right now. I'm sorry for everything." I mumble the last part as tears fill my eyes. I quickly blink them away.

"You know what, NO. I'm NOT fine. You wanna' know why Dan? Because of you and that she-devil you call a girlfriend. I'm not fine because of the countless times you come crying to me about her. I'm not fine because she cheats on you and back stabs you, but you still go back to her after you've come to me. BUT GUESS WHAT?-" I raise my voice and my eyebrows knit together. "-I TELL YOU TO BREAK UP WITH HER AND YOU DON'T LISTEN. YOU NEVER LISTEN. MY ADVICE GOES THROUGH YOU MORE AND MORE AS EACH TIME COMES. I'M NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND ANY MORE, DAN. I'M YOUR SAFETY BLANKET. NOTHING MORE THAN A SHOULDER TO CRY ON!"
At this point, I'm banging on his chest and letting a sob out with each word.
His beautiful lips are agape and his chocolatey eyes are wide.

"GET OFF MY BOYFRIEND YOU PSYCHO!" Alexa tried to yank me off of Dan, but it ended up with me shoving her off and bitch-slapping her.
Back handed and all.
She just stood there, frozen.
Then, she lunges at me. But I was more than ready. I punched her square in that lying little mouth of hers. I saw some of her teeth break. Blood gushed between her lips that were clearly fake.

She fell, then stared at me in horror. Then, she picked herself up and scurried away, tripping over her heels a few times.
I whipped around and went inside my house, turning around and looking at Dan. One hand covered in blood, and the other was on the door, ready to slam it in Dan's face.

"Ever since I met you, my life's been hell." I said blankly. My eyes started to fill up with more tears. My bottom lip was quivering so I bit it between my teeth. I started tasting metal. I bit my lip so hard that it started to bleed.
I guess I now know what Alexa is tasting right about now.

"Y/N, wait--" But before another word could drop out of his pretty little mouth, I slammed the door shut.
I turned around and made my way back to my room. I stopped in the lounge again, looking at the memory couch. All the memories replayed in my head before fading to nothing as I heard banging on my door and Dan's voice calling to me.

I snapped out of the trance that I was in once Dan's voice was no longer heard. I heard him sigh out frustratedly before saying, "I love you, Y/N. I'm sorry for whatever I put you through. Just know, this isn't the end for us.
I love you too much to lose you. You're not just a shoulder to cry on. You're not just a safety blanket. You're so, so much more to me.."
After that, his footsteps could be heard as he left into the thunder storm that had just started. Appropriate timing.

And then, silence.

Since I've met you, my life has been just one big thunder storm with limited sunshine.

I hope it was worth it, Dan.