Dan Howell Smuts & Imagines

2k + some really creepy shit

Guys.

2k.

2. K. OMG OMG OMG.

I once again just randomly decided to check my Wattpad, and I see 2k instead of 1k, and at first I'm like "Huh.. that's different." And then my dumbass brain finally realized the importance of this new milestone, turning "Huh.. that's different." to "JESUS FUCK HOLY CHRIST DAN IM HAVING A SEIZURE, CALL FOR HELP."

And you know what I'm gonna do for this milestone?

Some more random shit that has no purpose what so ever.

Because I'm lazy. Even though I just hit 2 FUCKING K on this book, it's still not enough to make me productive.

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful as diddly heck for this, I truly am. I'm just not in a very happy place right now. I'm even more depressed than before, which I didn't even know was possible.

I've been dealing with some heartbreak, home sickness, and just pure insanity.

For example, just 30 MINUTES before now, as I'm writing this, I was having a full on breakdown. I was sobbing, laughing, cussing myself out along with talking to myself, getting angry, and having a full blown anxiety attack.

You wanna know why?

All of that happened just because I was looking online at pictures of Wyatt Oleff, Finn Wolfhard, and Jack Grazer.

Now, that's already stupid and maniacal as it is, but the reasoning behind that is worse.

I picked up my phone and thought to myself, 'I want some pictures of my fave baby boys so I can make some of them my phone screens.'
The first person to pop into my head was Finn, of course. But then, I remembered that I was starting to take an interest in some of Finn's co-stars. 'Co-stars' as in Jack Dylan Grazer, Jaeden Lieberher, and Wyatt Oleff, all in the new IT movie if you didn't know.

I've started to really like Jack, Wyatt, and Jaeden just because I'm in love with the new IT movie. I think they did an amazing job, so I've been taking more of an interest in the actors that played the roles, pushing my love for the movie onto them, turning it into love for them individually.

I thought, 'Alright.. Jack first.' So I tapped in his name and went to pictures. As I was looking through the silly and adorable pictures, I smiled. Not just an ordinary smile, no. It was a smile that I only smile at people who I love, or in this case, my teenage crushes. I only smile this smile when I look at Dan, Phil, or Finn. So immediately, I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and shook my head, surprise and shock filling my mind.

'I didn't have a crush on Jack beforehand, so why do I have one now? It's probably nothing, Elise. You're looking at cute photos of him, of course you're gonna smile lovingly at him.' I tried to shake away the new feelings I was feeling towards Jack, the feelings that I only felt towards Dan, Phil, and Finn so far.
It's a feeling of your heart warming up, thumping loudly in your ears as it makes your whole chest feel happy and fuzzy. It's when you can't wipe a smile off of your face until you stop looking at them. It's when you laugh at little things that aren't funny to begin with, but you're just laughing to try and get some of the bubbly joy out of you without exploding.
I do all of this when I'm watching a new Dan and Phil video, or I'm scrolling through Finn's Instagram.

'But Elise, he's kinda cute, yah know? And also, he's really funny. You've watched some of the videos he's in! They're hilarious! He's such a meme too. So relatable.' I thought to myself as I tried to quickly save the pictures that were nice and delete his name from the search bar as fast as I could. 'No! Elise, what the hell. You can NOT start liking Jack too. You already hurt on the daily basis because you like Finn, Dan, and Phil so much. You can't do this to yourself.'

But that was no use. I still smiled lovingly at the new pictures of Jack, like I do to the beautiful pictures of Finn, Dan, and Phil.

I groaned audibly, already fed up with myself. I typed in Wyatt's name, going to the pictures. As I scrolled through them... I smiled the smile again, my mind filling with sickly-sweet thoughts about him.

'OH WOW, look at him! He's HOT. Oh Jesus on a tricycle, save me. Remember when you were watching his Instagram story and he posted a video on there of him playing video games? Oh my god, he's hilarious. I love video games too, so like, he's perfect! He's cute and nerdy, literally a God!'

At this point, I'm so utterly confused with myself. These thoughts about 2 boys that I've never had an interest in until then. As tears filled my eyes, I saved some nice pictures of him, and turned my phone off.
I didn't have the will power to even look at pictures of Jaeden. I was too afraid that if I did, I'd fall for him too.

Thus, the sobbing began. I started talking to myself, getting angrier and angrier as the seconds passed.

"Elise, you dumbass! You already feel heartbroken 24/7 because of Finn and Dan. You love them so much it's creepy. Now you like-- I mean.. Now you fucKING LOVE JACK AND WYATT, MAYBE EVEN JAEDEN! HOW MUCH OF AN IDIOT CAN YOU BE? OH MY GOD! JACK HAS A GIRLFRIEND TOO, SO NOW YOU'RE GONNA HURT EVEN MORE! UUGGHH I SWORE TO MYSELF THAT I WOULDNT FALL FOR ANY MORE GUYS LIKE THIS. FALLING FOR CELEBRITIES JUST MURDERS YOUR HEART."

(The whole shit storm about Jack's girlfriend actually has me SHOOK.
I know I'm the last fucking person to talk about it, but DAMN does that bitch have some nerve. Calling Finn hot right in front of Jack, THEN PROCEEDING TO SAY "If it weren't for Jack's popularity right now, I'd be with Finn." Or some shit like that.
BITCH, THE FUCK?
First of all, that's messed up to the millionth degree. Jack is so amazing and special on his own, I'd date him cause he's HIM, not because of his career.
Secondly, Finn's fucking popular as SHIT right now, so umm.. Dumb ass hoe, sit down and shut the fuck up.
Third of all, Finn hates you cause you made Jack cry and depressed. You lost all your chances bitch.
lol, sorry, I just hate her with a burning passion.
Anyways, rant over.)

I'm sobbing, screaming at myself, and laughing. I can only imagine how fucking creepy I looked in that moment.

"HAHAHA YOU IDIOT! Oh my LORD are you a fucking LOSER. Falling for celebrities, how SAD CAN YOU GET? YOU'RE LIFE IS TRASH! YOU'RE TRASH. HAHAHAAAHAHAHA STUPID ELISE."

And then, it returns to just plain sobbing.

"I would give anything to be their girlfriends.. not even that! I would give anything to be their best friend, FRIEND EVEN! I would give anything to be their FRIEND.."

Then laughter.

"Why on earth would they want to be YOUR friend? HAHAHAHAHA, they could have any girl in the world that they want, why would they choose YOU? You're even more of an idiot than I thought, Elise!"

Then.. it stopped. I just stopped. I stopped crying, laughing, everything.
I sat still, staring blankly at my wall, numb to the world.

Then, like nothing happened, I picked up my phone. I went to my settings and changed my lock screen to a picture of Wyatt, smiling at it lovingly the whole time. Then, I changed my home screen to a pic of Finn, my heart racing and warming my body cozily as I set it.

Now I'm here. Looking back over everything I've typed out and thinking to myself, 'Should I really post this? People will think I'm insane. 2K readers, that's a lot.'

But you know what, fuck it.
You guys already know how fucked up and weird I am. There also might be a few crazy fangirls who have experienced this. Hopefully not. This world doesn't need more Yandere fangirls like me :).

Hope some of you guys are excited about Season 3 of Stranger Things coming out soon, cause I know I am. Can't wait to cry more over Mike and Eleven.

Thanks again for 2k, and don't judge me too harshly :))). I'm still really sad as I'm writing this.

Anyways, as always,
Stay lovely.