Her Life Of Maybes

Chapter Seventeen

Sometime during the night, the couple had maneuvered to the head of Julian's bed where Trinity promptly drifted off to sleep. She gave light, even breaths from her spot on Julian's shoulder.

He curled his arm more tightly around her body and she shifted in her sleep to get closer to his warmth. His eyes glazed over as he gazed down at the girl next to him. The sound of the Police drifted softly through the room from his speakers as his thoughts drifted.

He wanted to be mad and angry. He wanted to throw things and scream about how the world couldn't have her. Wanted to scream about how he just got her and now God was taking her away. Wished that he would've befriended her earlier, as kids in dance class together.

But he couldn't do any of those things.

Anger wouldn't make sense. She was sick and there was no chance of reversal or recovery. And God wasn't taking her away from Julian,  because she didn't really belong to him. She belonged to herself and herself only. To say she was his was like saying your hands could grasp winters winds. Wishing was pointless. So was screaming and throwing.

Nothing would fix her.

So, Julian was going to do the only thing he could think of doing. He was going to enjoy the small part of her life that he was grateful to be a part of. He was going to soak in all the memories he could with her before she left or wanted him to leave.

The slow trickle of fluid hit Julian's shoulder brought his thoughts back to his room and Trinity. His eyes wandered down and his body jerked with fear and surprise when he saw blood there.

His fear grew when he realized the blood was coming from Trinity.

He leaned up, pulling her body with him. "Trinity? Darling? Wake up."

The fear was drowning him now as she stayed asleep. He lifted a hand to her nose and breathed in relief as he felt air blowing out in short puffs.

Shaking her shoulders slightly, he tried again. "Trinity, come on, please get up."

Her eyes twitched and fluttered open. "Hmm?"

"You're bleeding."

Her eyes touched the blood on his shoulder before her hand jumped up to her nose. "Oh."

Julian slid off the bed to grab some tissues and bring them back to her. She murmured a quiet thanks.

She held up a few tissues to her nose for the bleed she knew wouldn't stop anytime soon. With her other hand she used a tissue to wipe the blood off of Julian's shoulder.

"Sorry 'bout that. I get bleeds sometimes. Part of the cancer."

He smiled, "It's okay. Need anything?"

She shook her head. "Just distract me."

"Does your head hurt?"

She snorted, "Yes, but asking if my head hurts isn't really distracting me from the fact my head hurts. Quite the opposite effect, actually."

"Just shut up and come over here."

He pulled a pillow into his lap and patted it, signaling for her to lay down.

She complied, leaning her head forward a fraction, keeping pressure on her nose. A sigh escaped her lips as his hands moved lightly over her hair, massaging the pain away. "Thanks."

"Anytime, darling."

They sat in silence for a while, his hands lulling her back to sleep. Her nosebleed slowed considerably and she tossed the bloody papers into the small trash can that stood next to the bed.

She rolled onto her back to stare up at Julian from her place on his lap. "Hi."

"Hey," he grinned down at her.

"So are we doing this?"

His forehead crinkled. "Uhm, doing what, exactly?"

"This. Us."

Julian poked her nose with his index finger, smiling wide when she giggled. "Sure, if you'll have me."

Her giggles decreased. "I'm going to be worse soon. I'll look like I'm dying even more than I already do. Are you ready to deal with that?"

He grabbed the side of her face. "I'm here for you. As long as you want me next to you, I won't leave."

She turned her head away fractionally. "I just don't want to jump if you're not ready. I want you, I do, but I can't watch you walk away when things take a turn for the worse."

He leaned down to press his lips to hers.

"I won't," he murmured against them.

She stroked his chin with her thumb affectionately, pecking his cheek. "Alright. Then we're doing this, I guess."

She rubbed their noses together, and closed her eyes, letting her head fall back onto the pillow.

"Okay."

Julian watched her chest begin to fall more evenly. He readjusted her so that she was laying on the bed instead of on him. Trinity reached out almost immediately in search of him and stilled as he laid down and held her close.

"Don't worry," he whispered, "I'm here."

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Didn't use a song, but I imagined Every Breath You Take as The Police song playing in the beginning.

I didn't think I'd be updating so soon, but I took my AP Lang exam today, and, instead of draining me, I felt like writing.

Enjoy!

-Alyssa xx