Rise

Chapter 33

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I walked into the room
dripping in
gold.
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The night of the dance comes quickly, and with it, the rebel base on Hoth acquires an air of excitement and anticipation. For once, we all have something positive to look forward to.

I'm in a dressing room; the room where Leia and Cecily, both adorned in gorgeous attire, are preparing me for the ball. I have my dress on as they're doing my hair and makeup, and I feel as if I'm a canvas being worked upon. It's quite a nice feeling.

"When can I look?" I ask, somewhat impatiently. They've been preparing me for what feels like an eternity, and I haven't seen what I look like once. My hairstyle? Haven't seen it. Myself in the dress I'm wearing? Haven't seen that either.

My heart has been pounding furiously all this time, as the clock has ticked closer and closer to the time of the ball. I'm giddy with excitement and I can't remember being in so much anticipation of something.

"Not yet, El! Not yet, we're almost done." Leia assures me, rushing in with a hair clip. She, despite not being asked to the dance by anyone, is also attending the dance. Her dress is white and satiny, flowy and wavy. It has sparkly silver undertones and there are jewels embedded into the fabric. Her hair is in a nice, crown-like braid. I'm glad that she's going to the ball, even though Han didn't ask her. Even though no one asked her. I think that's dumb, really; she's a princess. How could no one ask her?

I groan. "You said that, like, an hour ago!"

Then there's Cecily, coming up to me with a powdery brush for the blush on my cheeks. "But we mean it this time," she tells me.

Her dress is stunning. It's a bit tight-fitted, and slightly provocative. But that's Cecily's style, and she's rocking it. Her hair is braided on one side, and on the other side of her head, her hair is loose and wavy. Her dress is sleeveless, with the straps coming up towards her neck and tying into a bow at the back. The torso part of her dress is black, and then there's netting for the area around her stomach. The gown part of her dress is silky and white. I wonder what Luke's reaction will be when he sees her.

As for my dress? I can only determine that it's blue and sparkly. I have yet to fully see it.

Cecily whips out some eyeshadow as she continues to speak to me. "Han is going to be speechless when he sees you." She tells me, smiling.

Leia, agreeing, adds, "Yes! Oh my gosh, what if he, like, kisses you?"

There's a collective gasp from all three of us. "Dude." I can't stop grinning now. "WHAT IF."

Cecily's wide-eyed as she starts to laugh. "That would be awesome!"

Even though I haven't yet determined my feelings for Han, I find it nice to think about this.

There's a part of me that's holding back from being attracted to Han. This part of me is rather scared and uncertain, and it's cautious. Another part of me wants to be attracted to him. This part of me is bubbly and somewhat wild. I'm so unsure of what I want. I want Han, but I also don't want him. A secret part of me thinks that I've liked, or even loved, him this whole time I've been part of the rebellion...but I don't know what to think about that.

For now, I'm just trying to think of what would be best for me. I've just gotten out of my pit of depression; do I want to throw myself back into a complicated scenario? I don't, but I'm also wondering if it'd be worth it. 

I picture Han's twin-moon eyes, and a soft, barely audible sigh escapes me. I say I don't like him, and yet the mere thought of him makes me breathless. What do I want?