Rise

Chapter 46

You have me;
until every last star in the galaxy dies,
you have me.
***********************

The next day, I find Luke crying in one of the control rooms in the base. The room is empty and the only one there is Luke.

Upon seeing him, I immediately feel compelled to cry as well; when people I love start to cry, it's hard for me to not join in. "Luke?" I say quietly, stepping slowly towards him.

Without saying a word, he lifts his head up from his knees and meets my eyes with his own. Luke opens his mouth to speak, but a small croaking sound is all that comes out. Instantly, I'm sitting beside him, and my arms are suddenly around him, hugging him.

My heart aches for Luke. These past few days since Cecily's death, he's had a very, very rough time. Nothing has been able to cheer him up, and it's hard to tell if anything ever will.

"I know you miss her, Luke." I tell him, hugging him tighter. He turns more towards me, his cheek against my head.

"I see her everyday," he sobs, "And all I can think about is her, and her smile, and everything, everything else." His words are fragile and sound like they'll splinter apart at any second.

Crying now, I shakily sigh against his shoulder. "Me too. Me too." Closing my eyes, I try to shake off the memory of my nightmares last night. Nightmares that involved Cecily dying over, and over, and over.

"Ellie, I loved her so much. I still love her. And I know I'll never love anyone like that ever again..." he trails off, sounding almost like a lost boy. "And there's times where I can almost feel her, but as soon as I realize it, it's like she's taken from me all over again..." His words disappear in the sobs that follow.

Nothing will ever be the same again. Cecily and her death will haunt us, be with us, forever. There will never be escaping from it; there will only be getting through the tragedy that is her death. I've been dealing with my grief by thinking of how Vader is going to regret everything he's ever done, but Luke doesn't have my mindset. He doesn't have the heart that I have, or the mind I have. Vengeance isn't in his blood. Grief was once a familiar face to him, but it's taken on a whole new look now.

"It'll all be okay. I know it doesn't seem like that, but...Cecily died for the cause of the Rebellion, Luke. And she would want us to use her death as a reason to rally against the Empire. I know that." Being comforting isn't my strongest skill, but I'm trying my best. I'm also saying this to comfort myself.

Everything is interrupted by a beeping from my handheld radio, the one on my belt. Me and Luke break apart as I answer the beeping. "Yeah?" I ask into it.

"Mon Mothma wants to meet our squad in Control Room 13, now." Leia responds.

"We'll be right there." I promise, turning off the radio and putting it back on my belt. Turning to Luke, I say softly, "Let's go."

Luke, wiping his nose on his sleeve as he nods, takes a rattling breath, slowly getting to his feet. I stand up with him and take his arm to steady him. He puts an arm around me, and kisses the top of my forehead as he hugs me one last time. "Thanks for talking." He whispers.

I hug him back. "Anytime," I tell him. We start walking, leaving the empty room. We go into the main corridor and follow it to Control Room 13, where we find Leia, Han, and Mon Mothma waiting for us. For a split second, I wonder where Cecily is; then I remember.

Luke goes to Leia's side, and I go to Han's. "What's going on?" I ask everyone, turning towards Mon Mothma.

"The Empire has a Destroyer with all sorts of supplies on it," Mon Mothma tells us. "We're planning to attack it, but we're afraid that won't work...we want to bomb it from the inside so that we destroy the supplies, but only certain squads have members capable of executing such a thing." She looks hesitant to continue, but does anyway. "The council wants your squad to plant the bombs and detonate them, but we also understand that you have just lost a squad member...so if you're not in the condition to take up the task, then we understand."

We're all stunned into silence. Leia is the first to speak. "How dire is the mission?" She asks.

"Very. The supplies are vital to the success of the Empire in their conquest. Whatever decision you all want to make, it needs to be made quickly." Mon Mothma answers.

Everyone looks at each other. Turning back to Mon Mothma, Luke says, "Can you give us a moment?"

"Of course." Mon Mothma, nodding, steps out of the room.

I feel a strange pit in my stomach. It's unnatural and unlike anything I've ever felt before. For some reason, the mission terrifies me, and I instantly have a horrible feeling about it. My sheer fear of the mission shocks me, and I have no idea why I'm feeling this way at all. Still, I tell my friends, "We need to do the mission."

Han looks apprehensive. "I don't know. Are we...are we in the right state to even try?" He looks, mostly, at Luke.

Luke bites his lip, sighing. "We should do it for Cecily. And we're probably the best squad to do the job anyway...death happens in war, and we can't let one death just completely drag us down." He looks sad, but sure of what he's saying. I'm impressed by his words.

Nodding, Leia crosses her arms. "I agree with Luke and Ellie. The Rebellion needs us, and we cannot fail the cause that Cecily died for." Her words encourage me, yet I still have the strange, crawling feeling in my gut that I'd gotten upon first hearing of the mission.

Han glances at me, and I look right back at him. "What?"

"Are you really sure you want to do the mission?"

Confused, I frown. "Why wouldn't I?"

Han sighs, and I suddenly understand that he doesn't want to talk. Not here, in front of everyone else. I give him a look that says, Talk later?

He gives the smallest of nods, and I look back at Leia.

"Let's go tell Mothma we'll take the mission." I say, and our group goes out into the hall to do so.

I feel some confidence. I want to avenge Cecily and help the rebels.

However, in the deepest parts of my heart, there's a cold chill; a chill that makes my very bones cold. And it tells me that I should've never agreed to go on the mission. That I should've just done whatever it took to convince my friends we shouldn't take the mission.

But I ignore it.