PANIC
My heart was pounding so hard, I couldn't lay a breath. I was about to see an eminence. I was just on the verge of seeing the only infamous eminence.
Seriously, what's not to panic about?
My hands shook violently as I was about to twirl on my heel to face the keeper. It wasn't something or someone you could see forever- or to make it short at least a day. It was a once in a life time opportunity to actually grasp on the mysterious side I was holding for so long.
On the other hand, my mouth began stuttering vigorously.. just to find the correct words I've been holding, the words that couldn't spill for the only time.
Turn.
I finally built up courage to turn around and met a pair of gentle eyes. It wasn't the evil, vengeance type of thing, it was simply a middle-aged man who looked ever so light.
"J-Jane?... Jane Evergreen?"
To keep myself from gaping, I nodded, unaware of his delicate voice. It was a soft voice that sounded repaired many times, emotionally. Just by the sound of his voice, I recognized it instantly. Even the way I was most familiar with, it hadn't been in his vocal position as now.
"John?" I wondered aloud.
I just remember that he was just an unfamiliar visitor.. well there were all sorts but he'd never captivated me. The keeper was in my house four years ago? That's very difficult to believe.
With my dead memory, I know myself that he was definitely John. His hazel eyes and his sturdy voice- as from long time ago- had a hint of his voice now.
He chuckled, "No, but you are allowed to call me by that particular name. It's really hard to believe," he said, " such a thing from five years ago."
"I know," I muttered.
Day dreaming in such a situation, I tried to vision John and my father at my house. My mind was difficult to control, but I somehow managed to remember two men speaking or greeting each other.
"Before you start asking, I'll answer. My schedule is running," he responded," Jane I already knew that you'd come one day. Not scheduled this day, but still. Your mother is really hard to interpret. She had a couple of problems, so she did the best she could to find me, She sacrificed your father in such ways."
His hazel eyes landed on mines as he played with his fingers.
"Our population was big so we had to cut our policies. She illegally gave birth to Autumn- sorry Amelia and we found out."
I never knew that borning a second child was illegal in any way but in the way of thinking, I figured out the rest of the riddle.
Heaving out a sigh, I completed his answer, "so she sacrificed father for Amelia to not throw execution of her."
John's eyes widened as he slowly began to nod. "Why couldn't you just make an exception? Why-"
In a matter of seconds, he threw his mug at the wall, leaving the liquid oozing down. Surprised by his remark, I settled myself on a seat and kept eye contact. I didn't want to look weak in front of the keeper especially because I just discovered that he wasn't as gentle as I thought. Tears began to cover my eyes as I begged myself not to let them stream.
Before the tear could slip, I quickly wiped it without a hassle.
John's head slowly began to lift up. "You're not the only one who asked that. You mustn't know how many exceptions we made and look what it led us to."
I heard a door shut as I recognized the person's footsteps immediately. Biting my lip and digging my nails into my elbow, I tried to not let the tears slip. "B-but--"
"Jane what's the difference? He's already dead!"
Dead.
The single word echoed throughout my mind. All this time I've thought my own father ran away and left Esther, Amelia and I. I wasn't ever destined to lay my hands on something so rebellious that could get myself killed, something that was released into the keeper's hands. Auden didn't have the consent and didn't have the power enough to keep it.
A tear finally escaped from my eye.
"Enough." Auden mumbled.
When the opportunity was open, I found a way to ditch Auden. I grabbed my bow and arrows and hopped out of the house, not distracting anyone. But in just some way, I found Amelia on the steps with her arms crossed, sitting.. facing only at the yard.
"I knew you would be here." She said almost inaudibly.
Letting out a sigh, I attempted to ignore her and step out almost away from the house. Almost. "Why do you still go to the woods Jane?"
That made me stop and actually try to find a reason, but from my foggy memory I didn't know the answer why I should.
"What do you want Amelia?" I asked, turning around, furrowing my eyebrows.
She shrugged and faced the grass, plucking it constantly. "Why can't we just get food from the district? Isn't that where I get my food now? Jane," she said, "do you think I don't know? Do you think that I don't remember mom dying?"
I faced the direction where I was heading and clenched my fist, preventing myself from bawling at Amelia. But, I insisted. "Shut up Amelia."
Finally calming my nerves, I headed to the woods, really trying to find my answers to prove her wrong. The soles of my boot touched the ruins and I tried to locate the place where the birds usually whistle. But I couldn't find any. My eyes landed on the stump that Esther usually sat on but she wasn't there. My memory immediately flashed back when she was around and appearing out of nowhere, maybe being the same situation I was in, but part of me wanted to throw my tears away.
Somewhere in my heart, I knew myself that Esther wasn't here but I focused on her really being here. In a matter of minutes, I began calling out her name.
When there was no reply, I started walking throughout the woods and shouting out Esther but managing to find thin air. My tears began to climb to my cheeks, but I refused to give up. When I gave out my last call, I threw myself on the ground, landing on a patch of leaves and thought who was I calling. Esther was dead.
Why would I be calling at such a time? My own mother was dead. I began to laugh at myself and choked in my own tears no even trying to endure to hold myself back in. I wished that she would just pop out of nowhere of sight and tell me it was okay. But she never did that. Never in my life. I never ever knew how it would feel to be in someone's arms, to feel the warmth of their desire to wish me well.
But no one did.
