Chapter Thirty

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"Why don't you just come to my house tonight? I don't know, order a pizza or something?" he asks.

"Because we've only actually been out like twice. Why do we have to stay cooped up all the time?" I ask him.

"We are out right now." He retaliates.

"Yeah, in my backyard. You know that's not what I mean." I say. He sighs and taps his foot on the ground. "Plus, isn't your girlfriend home today?"

He turns his head to look at me, then quickly turns away. "No. She left last night for another shoot."

I frown and lean back, pulling his arm over so I can hug myself against him. "Why haven't you done it yet?"

"Done what?" he mumbles.

"Stop playing dumb." I say sternly. He groans and tightens his arm around me.

"I just haven't found the right time yet."

"When is the right time, Xander?" I say. I sit up straight to where I can face him. "I mean, we can't do anything. We don't go out in public together because rumors could spread. We can't even freaking follow each other on Twitter without rumors spreading! If you could just break up with her already then we wouldn't have to worry about that!"

"You put yourself in my position!" he says, his voice rising. "You try to imagine your whole career that you have worked your entire life on is at risk because of some girl! Just sit back and think about it. I mean, you don't know what that guy can do with my whole acting career!"

"Um, yeah I do. Just like the rest of Hollywood can do. He can do the same thing that anyone else can do. Lie. Jesus, Xander, not everyone has to believe everything." I say.

"Breaking up with Nicole can ruin-"

"Then what the hell are you going to do, marry her?! You're going to have to break up with her eventually! Unless you just plan on getting married to her. Because if you do, let me know something now so I can stop wasting my time on you!" I nearly yell, regretting it almost as soon as it slips out.

Alexander looks shocked when the words slip out and stands up. He looks down at me, conflicting emotions all across his face.

"Is that what I am to you? A waste of time?" he asks.

I stand up too, taking a step towards him. He backs up when I do, and I stay still. "I-no. I didn't mean to say that."

"Yes you did." He spits at me. "Why else would you have even said that?"

"How is it fair to me that you get to take your own time 'breaking up' with your girlfriend while I get to sit here and wait on you? I'm tired of waiting, Xander! I did it for two years, I'm done now!" I yell.

"I guess I wasted your time then, too." He says before turning to walk away.

My throat feels tight and I start to walk after him. "Alexander-"

"No!" he says. He turns around to face me again. "No, I am doing all I can to make this work but you...do you even care? Do you care if this works or not?"

"Of course I care." I state.

"Then start acting like it." He says.

I watch as he walks around the side of my house to the front. I follow after him, completely shocked that he actually said that.

"Start acting like it? Why don't you? You're the one that said that you were in love with me like a month ago yet you still love your girlfriend. You keep saying you're trying to fix whatever this is, but all you are doing is making it worse! Your idea of 'fixing it' is saying what if. Stop beginning your sentences with what if and begin them with when." I reply.

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