pure fiction // ziam

twenty seven

"Are you sure about this Zayn? I mean just yesterday you were preaching staying pure for a reasonable amount of time and now all of a sudden you're ready to go down on him as if your life depends on it" Niall said.

I get that he's concerned about me and I understand him completely. I'm a little surprised myself, but I have already made up my mind and have mentally prepared myself for this for an entire day. I feel ready. Maybe I'm doing this out of spite or maybe deep down inside, there's a slowly burning ember of passion that's been aching to be set ablaze and maybe now is the time. Either way, I need to do this, to prove to Liam how much I care about him.

"I am one thousand percent sure about this and I couldn't feel anymore excited for this" I said with a smile on my face.

"If you say so" Niall said and took a sip from his soda.

"We should probably get going, it's late" I said looking at the time, it's currently 11:23pm on a school night. We shouldn't be out so late if we want this to go without a hitch. We walk out of the burger place and head to the car, inside the car Niall sits in silence.

"Niall are you gonna—" I was interrupted before I could finish the sentence.

Niall's lips were on mine I could start to feel all the wrong things building up inside, all the wrong feelings. I shouldn't be feeling this at all with anyone but Liam, what's wrong with me? But that guilt didn't stop me from kissing back and actually liking it. I could feel the same sensation I felt with Liam when he kissed me. I could feel that same rush of excitement that I have with Liam. I could feel the same burning desire of wanting with Niall that I do with Liam. I could feel the exact same things that I felt with Liam, all in this moment of infidelity.

Why am I not stopping this? Why am I letting this continue on? And just like that, I push Niall away.

"Why did you kiss me?" I asked and I could feel the tension starting to build up. This will go one of two ways and I pray to the universe that this goes well.

"Why did you kiss back?"

I was not expecting that question.

"I-I don't know" was the only thing that would come out of my lips. I really have no explanation to what just happened.

"Well to answer your question, I kissed you because I needed to make sure you weren't making a mistake with Liam, to make sure you're certain about what you're gonna do with him tomorrow, that there wasn't anything else that would be stopping you. I also did it for me, I needed to kiss you to see if you felt something for me, because I do. I've felt something inside of me screaming to get you but I know I couldn't because Liam had already declared his feelings for you so I told myself to step back and let him have you, so he could be happy. But now hearing you talk about how you're gonna have sex with him tomorrow...I-I just couldn't take it anymore, so I kissed you to get it out of my system"

My mind couldn't keep up with the million bits of information going through me right now, there's just too much to think about and not enough time to actually process any of this. Truthfully, I don't know why I kissed Niall back maybe it's because I had these hidden feelings for him that I never knew I had or maybe because it was something that I had to do, I really don't know but I really wish that I did know why I kissed Niall back because right now it's killing me. It's killing me that I am in a relationship with literally the kindest and most caring man on this planet and I just cheated on him. Why am I such a fucking idiot?

"Zayn say something please" Niall said and I start to see tears forming in his eyes.

"I-I don't know what to say Niall. You have feelings for me, I'm in a relationship with Liam. You kissed me, I kissed back. Does this mean that I have feelings for you too, I really don't know. I have no idea how I feel about any of this and believe I wish I knew because it's killing me right now knowing that I cheated on Liam"

Niall sits there and takes in what I said.

"Let's just go home. I'll drop you off" Niall said and started the car.

"No, I'm gonna walk home" I said and start getting out of the car.

"That's a five mile walk, are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure" I nod and start walking, Niall heading out the parking lot.

I check my phone and see that I have two missed calls from Liam and a couple texts.

Liam: are you awake?

Liam: i want to talk about tomorrow

Liam: ??????

Liam: okay whatever when you do see this just know that i love you and that tomorrow is going to be a great day and i cant wait to give you your gift 💝 it's as big as my love for you

Liam: that sounded disgusting ew

Liam: anyways, goodnight zaynie 💕💕

Fucking hell.