pure fiction // ziam

thirty three

It's been a week since I have embraced my new hoe side and it's currently eating me alive. The guilt of lying to Liam, keeping such a big secret from him and watching Niall destroy himself with alcohol just makes it even worse. And I'm not even doing anything about the situation, I'm just letting time go by and expecting this to blow up in face so I can get the karma that I deserve for treating two of the best people on this planet like complete and utter shit. Although it seems like karma is taking its sweet time, and I am getting extremely impatient and growing even more guilty as the days go by.

"Hello? Zayn?" Liam says and waves his hand in front of my face. I must have fallen deep into my thoughts.

"Oh sorry about that"

"What were you thinking?"

"Nothing important just this project for psychology and how much I hate it" I lie and Liam stares blankly at me, "The project not the class"

"Oh okay... well what I was saying was that we should go out and watch a movie this weekend and probably go out and do some shopping, I'm starting to get too big for my clothes" Liam says while tugging his shirt. Right now he's hearing a long sleeve that he can fill up perfectly and looking at the way the fabric hugs his muscles as he moves his arms around makes me feel like I'm in a trance and he has me completely whipped.

"Zayn!"

"Oh my gosh I am so sorry but I just got lost looking at you"

Liam blushes and I could tell that shut him right up from what he was about to say.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, you just look like a full course meal in that shirt and holy crap you don't realize how beautiful you are" I say.

"Well... I... you're beautiful too babe" Liam says trying to stop the gushing, but he obviously can't as he keep smiling in between words.

"Not like you Liam, you are too good for this world"

"Zayn..." Liam says and before he could say anything else I bring my lips to his and feel the taste of his cherry coke on my mouth.

"We should get going" I say standing up from our table and I could see from the look on Liam's face that he was expecting this to go farther, that he was left hanging, craving for that satisfaction.

"You really know how to leave a man cold"

"It's a speciality of mine" I say and flash a smile.

Liam stands up and we walk out of the burger place. Just as we were heading out I bump into someone.

"Oh sorry about that" I apologized and turned around to find out it's Kyle.

"It's fine" He replied with a smile and kept walking.

Inside Liam's car, Liam sits quietly while shaking his leg as if he was anxious and impatient.

"What's wrong?"

Liam doesn't say anything and he just dives in for a kiss.

"You know I love you right?"

"Yeah? But—"

"Just shut up for a second"

"Liam you're kinda worrying me" And it was true, seeing him get all worked up like this worried me that something might have happened or maybe that he found out about what I did and just wants to hear it from me, there are so many ways this could go. Liam continues to stress and continuously shake his leg and play with his fingers. I can see the how hard he's biting down on his lip, and it pains me to see him like this, "Liam if you're gonna say something please say it... you're starting to really worry me"

"I just wanted to say that I-I um... I... um..." Liam stops himself and then looks at me, his eyes looking glass about to shatter, "I'm sorry"

"Sorry for what?"

"For not being enough"

"What makes you think that you're not enough?"

"Because you kissed Niall"

I felt my heart drop. How did he find out? Who told him? Was it Gigi or did Niall come clean? Or maybe he just wanted to see if he could put two and two together and get the answer he was looking for.

"What are you talking about?"

"I-I saw you two kissing in his car that night" Liam was in tears now but he still held a strong voice. My heart hurts looking at him like this, fuck, why am I putting him through so much pain.

"That was... I..." I really didn't know what I was trying to say, I was just trying to respond to the actual true accusation, "What do you mean 'you saw us?'"

"Well I was heading to my night shift at the burger place and then I was walking by Niall's car and then I just saw you two going at it. After that I just walked inside and told one of my coworkers that I couldn't come in so I decided to head home...and...yeah..." Liam's voice dropped a little, you could hear the sadness in it, not anger, sadness and that's what hurts even more. The fact that he's not angry at me, he's angry at himself. He blames himself for this when in reality this is all my fault and I should be owning up to my idiotic mistakes.

"Listen Liam, never say that you're not enough, because you are, you are worth more than you think. I love you okay? Nothing is gonna change that, Niall is never going to change that. What happened in his car will never happen again, I told him that he should back off because I'm with you and I only want to be with you" Right now would be a good time to tell him about Kyle.

"Really?" Liam sniffles and some of the light has returned to his eyes.

"Yes really and on that note..." I trail off bit, now I'm doubting if I should really tell him about Kyle. Would this add to the sadness or just set ablaze the raging fire inside and drive Liam mad? I want to tell the truth so fucking badly but I don't want to hurt Liam even more than he already is and at the same time I have to own up to my mistakes. Why is this so complicated?

"Zayn?"

"Right yes, I was gonna tell you that I um... I had cheated on you again after Niall"

Liam's mood dropped now there's a blank stare from his face and I can't quite describe what he's feeling from looking at his face.

"Liam?"

"Get out of the car"

"Liam..."

"Zayn, please, get out of the car"

And so I do, only to see Liam drive off leaving me here in the cold February afternoon, with five miles to walk home and nobody to rely on. I really do like to ruin everything good in my life.